HALF OF ME (A boy with depression)

GAME OVER

THE FALL

_ I'm floating, I would love to say "flying", but no. I'm just: lying on the ground and floating, letting myself be overcome by the weight of being. Crushed.

For a moment I realized that I was not breathing. I felt like I didn't know how to do it: as if I've been empty like this long enough to forget even something as instinctive as that. The moment that followed I just wanted to cry. There were no reasons, or so I thought¹ (Sorry for the spoiler, I know that's not what one seeks to find at the beginning of a story, but that's where we are going on ... some anxiety issues. So I'll try not to reveal the end of this in just the first page of the book. Although somehow, we already know: I'm fine). Anyway: Yes, there were, they were there. Although it was difficult to notice them and believe me then all I wanted to do was to open my eyes and see. To understand what was going on.

Someone put her arms around me. Her hand on my chest. I would like to know more about it so I can tell you how. But suddenly all I felt was her voice and her heart beating. My head, which rested on her lap, swayed to the rhythm of the air that entered and left her body; as if it could guide me: this goes 1) inhale and 2) exhale. It seems easy.

I took a deep breath and everything started to feel clearer and sharper.It feels endless. Althought It was only a few seconds. I disarm in the arms of the one who held me. I explode and she contains me.

¹ that's the thing with this, it seems to have no reason, not a moment, a beginning, or an end. Just past. But they always have a why, or at least this time and for me.