HALF OF ME (A boy with depression)

PAUSE

I've been trying to be something that has little to do with me, to be able to fit into a world that has me upside down. Everything is backwards. It seems that to be someone you just have to follow the pack. Talk like thiso ne, dress like that one. Feeling just as good as everyone shows to be, all the time.I'm good pretending, it's a merit for me. I've been on this roll of being one of them all my life. And I have done pretty well. I have managed to be one of the most popular in my school, a beautiful girlfriend, a group of friends that I would not change for anything. I don't always follow the rules, but badly I always get my way. Still, this doesn't feel like being myself. If you only saw me within four walls!And I think about what would happen if one of these pillars fell, or catastrophically, all of them. Who would I really be? Or what would I do if I didn't care about people there, watching?If the world stopped today, where would I find myself?The answer is: I would not find me. Because I've put my life on hold, distanced myself from everything and everyone. And that I've been lost for a long time.I am aware that the world goes on outside. But it doesn't go with me anymore. I'm barely breathing and silence befriended.Good news: I can tell you that, far from everything, things are making sense.I no longer take care of what others tell me or what they may believe. Time is no longer an issue, and it've actually gotten a bit blurred lately. I can't remember well if what happened was today, yesterday or much further back. Sometimes I just "don't remember anymore." And it is not that I loses my memory, but memories. They leave me alone and empty.I live hanging from the past, but I have turned and drawn shapes to each memory. They look prettier that way. Then, they leave.My friends have called me, but I always tell them that I don't have time. Although truth is that time is the only thing I really have left over, I lose it thinking what I should do with it.