our gentle sin

broken clocks

4.

JENNIE POV

The days always went the same for as long as I could remember. It was a routine that I was accustomed to and was more than comfortable with. Even the mere thought of change scared me. I was happy with the way things were.

I shared a room with Sister Rosie. An alarm rang out at 06:00 each morning waking us for morning prayer, which usually lasted no more than forty minutes, after which we could back to bed for some time.

Then again we woke at 09:00, and we ate breakfast together in the food hall, then at 09:30 we read and discussed a chapter of the Bible for around forty-five minutes, and until noon we had free time.

My free time usually consisted of spending time with the other Sisters. Since Rosie was the closest to me in age we would walk together in the garden, and in the spring and summertime we did some gardening. I would often spend time in the library too, reading, studying, anything to keep my mind busy and informed.

Although, the person I was closest to was Mother Superior, who I was used to calling Irene when no one else was around, but with her being the head nun she didn't have much time to spend with me, she did occasionally make an effort to check in though.

At noon was midday prayer for thirty minutes, after that was lunch then quiet time, this was a slot for personal reflective time where we either read, studied, or prayed, all in silence, this went on from 13:00 until 15:00.

Since I wasn't an official nun yet, I was free until evening prayer at 18:00, although I pretty much lived like a proper nun. I never really went anywhere else. I usually just used this time to either take a nap or spend more time with Rosie inside the Convent.

Then, after evening prayer was finished at 18:30, I was free again until it was time for bed, which was usually at 22:00.

This had been my life for years. I never really knew anything different and was too young to remember my life before. I had only ever known this, so it was the only thing that made sense to me.

Of course, yesterday was Sunday and that followed a slightly different routine. Yesterday was especially different since we were introduced to someone new. I was not used to meeting new people, occasionally someone would join the convent, but the people I conversed with were restricted to a handful. That meant my social skills were relatively restricted too.

So, when this girl sat at our table yesterday and ate with us, a girl who lives an entirely different life to me, I was a little shy and wasn't sure how to act around her, especially when she spoke to me.

Sister Rosie had only joined the convent a year ago and was more familiar with speaking to strangers, especially strangers who didn't have intentions of joining the convent, so was better at engaging in conversation with Lisa.

Lisa had only spent a little amount of time with us. I usually blended in with the crowd a lot, it was quite easy to do so in the convent, but Lisa made me feel really visible, and that was a little out of my comfort zone.

She was pretty, intimidatingly so, and she had a sort of energetic aura, so I imagined she felt a little out of place sitting with us.

I wasn't entirely sure why she had joined us in the first place, Irene had told us she would be spending more time with us and asked us to be welcoming, but she hadn't given the specific reason as to why she was there all of a sudden, the most we knew was that she was the Pastor's daughter.

But today, after evening prayer, Irene called for me in her office. At first, I had thought it was just a general catch-up as usual but soon discovered that wasn't the case.

"Take a seat, Jennie. How are you?"

I took a seat on the other end of her desk.

"I'm fine, Mother Superior." I addressed her formally. "Thank you for asking. How are you?"

"I'm good, Jennie. I wanted to talk to you about Lisa."

"The girl from yesterday? What about her?"

"I need to ask you a favour, what I'm going to tell you next has to stay between us, okay?" I nodded curiously. "The reason that Lisa is going to be with us is because the Pastor asked me for help."

"Help for what?"

"It seems lately Lisa had been straying from God and her faith, her father caught her together with another girl."

For a few moments, I was confused. What was the problem with Lisa spending time with a girl? Then I realised what Irene was implying. My mouth fell open in shock. 

"You mean homosexuality?"

I had never met a homosexual before. Of course, we had touched on the sin in discussions, but when I imagined someone who engaged in that lifestyle it wasn't someone as young and pretty as Lisa was. The sin in itself seemed kind of otherworldly to me before this moment, but now knowing I had met someone who struggled with this was kind of strange. It was also strange to me how someone who had grown up in the Church could choose to do something like this.

"Yes, Jennie, or at least signs of it. The Pastor believes that is just a phase and Lisa is acting out. He suspects she's been drinking excessive amounts of alcohol as well. Engaging in a party lifestyle has presumably led her to deeper sins; it may be the root of the problem."

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. "What does this have to do with me?"

"She is less than a year younger than you, which means she will relate to you more or at least be more willing to talk to you comfortably, so I think you'll be able to help her more than I will." She explained.

"How can I help her?"

"Just spend time with her, help her get closer to God. You don't have to explicitly discuss the issue, but I think you'll be a really good influence on her just by being around her."

"Why can't Sister Rosie do it?"

"Sister Rosie is still fairly new to this life. I'm not saying she would stray, but I don't know how convincing this Lisa can be. I need someone I trust completely for this, someone that is devout and has been for a long time. That's you, Jennie. You are the person I trust most. I know you won't be influenced by her."

"I'm not sure I'm comfortable with this. I mean she's... sinful. And by the way you're saying it, it sounds like she would try to influence me."

"Jennie, it is your duty to help Lisa and turn her away from a sinful life. By refusing to help her, you are as much at fault for her sins as she is. Lisa is not beyond redemption, and you will help her get there. And I don't know whether Lisa would actively try to influence you. Honestly, I don't think she would, she is still a good kid and she grew up in the Church. But Sister Rosie is more at risk of being tempted back into a mainstream lifestyle since she joined more recently. We shouldn't put her in that position, especially when she's still in training, unlike you who's been pretty much trained for years."

"Well, it seems you're not giving me much of a choice."

"You're right, I'm not. And don't look at this as something negative. Not only will you be helping someone restore their faith, but spending time with someone new could be good for you. I know you've lived a sheltered life, and I'm sorry I couldn't give you more of a childhood."

"It's okay, Irene. I know you did your best."

Irene smiled warmly at me, she was a mother to me, but it was hard for her to be there for me and carry out her daily duties simultaneously.

"So, you'll do it?"

"What if she doesn't like me? I can hardly guide her if we don't get along."

"I'm sure you'll get along just fine, just don't let her influence you into anything. I know you won't but be careful."

"Okay, I'll try my best."

"Thank you, Jennie. She'll be spending her time here every Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday, so you have until tomorrow when you meet again. You may leave now."

I nodded at her and stood up from my seat, leaving the room, feeling nervous as hell for the next day.