our gentle sin

estranged

13.

LISA POV

Though it had taken a few more days out together, Jennie was warming up to me again and we were getting on nicely. Two weeks later and things were pretty much back to normal, as if the whole thing never even happened.

I was careful not to bring up Mina again though. I did make the mistake once, just absentmindedly slipping her name into conversation; Jennie's face turned sour, and so did the conversation that followed. I did not plan on making that mistake again. I also made the wise decision to stay away from the topic of religion. At least for now, whilst our friendship was still so fragile.

With today being a Saturday, I had no plans of seeing Jennie until tomorrow. Although, even on unscheduled days, I had begun frequenting the convent. At first, I had just wanted to surprise Jennie, but each day I found myself in the convent gardens with her and she was no longer surprised when I turned up to take her out for the day. Last night though, a text from Mina asking to see me today meant no seeing Jennie today.

Per Mina's request, we were sitting across from each other at our usual coffee shop. I tried to ignore the way Mina had greeted me with no more than a quiet "hello" when she took her seat and the way she seemed to be looking everywhere but at my face.

"Thank you." I took the cappuccino with a polite smile from the waitress, turning my attention to it until Mina decided to initiate whatever was on her mind.

It was a few minutes later when she finally did. She cleared her throat for my attention. Looking up, it seemed she was just as brimming with nervousness as I was, but this only served to amplify mine.

"Lisa," she began, with a slight tremble, "there's no easy way to say this, but I think this is for the best--"

"Wait." I cut her off immediately; that line was famous and I couldn't quite believe she was using it on me. "Are you breaking up with me?" My question was laced with confusion, but that apparently fell on deaf ears as she let out a relieved sigh.

"At least we're on the same page."

"No, we're not on the same page," I argued defensively. "We're not even reading the same book!" A few tuts and glares in my direction reminded me of my surroundings and prompted my volume back down.

"Can you honestly say this has come as a complete surprise to you, Lisa?" She asked with her brows furrowed.

"Yes?" I countered. "I mean, we were fine." I paused for a second, looking at her for agreement, but it doesn't come. "Weren't we?"

"Lisa, we haven't seen each other for two weeks, but not only that. You've barely even spoken to me. I feel like I've been having a conversation with an automated responder. I've only been picking up on your signals because, from where I'm sitting, it doesn't seem like you even want to be in this relationship."

I blinked a few times as I tried to recall the past two weeks so I could attempt to counter her accusation, but she was right. I had barely bothered with her, some days forgetting her existence entirely; no wonder she wanted to break up.

"I've just been busy." I tried at another attempt to defend myself.

"Busy doing what though, Lisa?" She asked gently. She wasn't angry with me. She seemed more hurt than anything else. "I've spoken with Jisoo and Nayeon and they both say they haven't spoken with you, so how have you been busy?"

"The...uhm--" I struggled to come up with a response, because telling my girlfriend I'd been spending all my time with another girl, albeit a nun, just didn't seem the appropriate response. "My dad, he asked me to help him with Church stuff." I excused my behaviour through a pathetic lie.

"You mentioned to me that your Dad had freed up your schedule though, and that he had even lifted rules for you having to stay at home during the week."

I was running out of excuses and though at this point it seemed unlikely, eventually Mina would run out of patience. Instead of trying to excuse and defend myself, I thought it better to just apologise.

Breathing in deeply, I looked at her. "You're right, Mina. I don't even have any excuse for it, I'm sorry," she nodded and let me go on. "It was never my intention to ignore you or give you signals that I wanted to end this relationship. I guess I just took advantage of your presence and expected you to just be there."

She nodded. "Maybe I overreacted by rushing into a break-up so soon. I should have spoken to you first and we could have worked through it together. I mean, everyone needs a little time to themselves sometimes, right?" She smiled at me with optimism. "We could forget this ever happened, if you'd like?"

I sunk back into my chair. Right now, I was being presented with an opportunity to end things with Mina, and despite fighting so hard to defend myself when she had brought up a break-up in the first place, I was now seriously considering it.

I had told her that it was not my intention to ignore her or give her signs that I was no longer interested, yet I had still done so subconsciously. It made me wonder, if I truly liked Mina as much as I thought I did, how could I have forgotten or disregarded her so easily? Not to mention, I was lying to her about what I was really doing.

Perhaps the only way for us to move forward was if I were to come clean. But the question remained, did I want to move forward with Mina?

I concluded that I did; just because I had been distracted for a couple of weeks didn't mean I didn't want to be in a relationship with her anymore. This seemed like something we could work through.

"I lied," I said bluntly, offering no explanation or context.

"What?" She blinked and shook her head in confusion.

"About why I was busy," I clarified. "It wasn't helping my Dad and it wasn't because I needed time to myself either." I looked for her to speak but she said nothing, her face was unreadable. "I was really spending time with Jennie."

"The nun?"

"Yes. I'm sorry, I don't know why I lied to you." I offered a feeble apology.

"Let me get this straight." She shifted a little in her seat, straightening her posture. "You barely spoke to me and didn't see me once because you were with another girl?"

"It's not like that!" My tone immediately switched back to defensive mode.

"What were you doing with her?" She asked in an accusing manner.

"Just-- you know," I looked down at the table, shamefully, "going out places, like we usually do." I hear Mina scoff in exasperation and I feel the need to defend myself again. "But it's not like that, Mina!"

"Then what is it like, Lisa?" She didn't give me a chance to answer, instead doing so herself. "Because it sounds to me like you blew off your girlfriend for two weeks to spend time with another girl and take her on dates."

"They weren't dates!" My eyes widened as I desperately searched for an adequate response to excuse my behaviour. "I mean-- she's a nun-- and she's homophobic!" I added the last part to emphasise how absurd what Mina was implying was, but she managed to flip it on me.

"I think you need to ask yourself, Lisa, why you preferred to spend your free time with a homophobic nun rather than your girlfriend. Her being homophobic doesn't stop you from liking her, clearly."

"I don't like her like that. She's just a friend!" I argued.

"If it were anyone else, would you choose to be friends with someone who was homophobic?" I opened and closed my mouth like a fish, trying for another response, but none came. "I think I had it right the first time, Lisa," she stood from her seat and pulled her coat on, "we should break up."

My body was paralysed as we shared our last moment of eye contact before she turned and left the coffee shop, leaving me to pay the bill.