Ishimondo Oneshots! (≧▽≦)

If We Just Had A Few More Minutes

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*╔═══❖•ೋ° °ೋ•❖═══╗*
I have to write this before they find his body.
I'm sorry, Chihiro.
This is bullshxt, why couldn't I just gotten a hold of myself?
Fuxk.
But he deserves to know this, at least.
Kiyotaka, I just not realized I'll probably never be able to tell this to your face, especially now.
But I can't just leave without you knowing.
I can't get over the funny fuxking feeling he gives me.
That lingers in my stomach even after we separate.
It's stupid.
The stupid butterflies that fill my stomach ever time he smiles at me, or puts his arm around my shoulder, or just looks at me with those gorgeous red eyes.
The dumb sick feeling I get when I think about him, like I'm going to throw up, but like, in a good way?
It's weird explaining these weird things I feel around him.
And since we're both dudes, I didn't think I'd ever even think about me feeling this.
But I just can't get over his beautiful face, the way his cheeks have such a rosy tint to them, his extremely long, elegant eyelashes, his gorgeous body that I'd love to run my hands over.
Okay, getting too into detail.
And he's too fuxking nice to me.
He cares about me too much.
So much that what is gonna happen tomorrow I don't want to see, don't want to be reality.
I don't want to see those tears stain his face, I don't want to see them drip from his chin to the floor.
I don't want to see his crestfallen face of pure disbelief.
I know he won't accept the reality of it.
I know he'll just refuse it at the truth,
Like in this weird fantasy where it just isn't true, where nothing happened.
I wish I could do that.
Pretend that nothing happened.
I'd be just us.
I could gently place my hands on his cheeks and pull his face close to mine, our noses barely brushing each other's.
To have him tangled in my arms, protect him from the world, gently kiss his forehead while whispering sweet nothings into his ear.
Yeah I'm being cheesy as fuxk, but it's true.
If we just had a few more minutes.
I'd tell him so much.
He makes me feel, happy.
He's not like my missing piece or bullshxt like that.
More like a pairing shoe or some bullshxt?
I don't know what I'm trying to hint at.
I just want him to know.
God I just, want to go and knock on his dorm door, and spend the night with him, wrapped around in my arms.
Just a few minutes of these peaceful paradise I wish for.
Even if it's just as stupid as a silly ass sleepover or some shxt, just to have him tangled with me.
Feel his body warmth.
It'd be weird as shxt, and hella awkward if I told him this.
I'd shout and probably scare him off.
Actually, he probably would react differently.
He wouldn't be scared off, just confused and disturbed, maybe.
Not to mention he probably doesn't like guys.
He probably likes girls.
Yeah, he'll get out of here, then find some girl.
A girl that'll make him feel all the things that I am right now.
A girl he'll swoon over like how I do every time I see him shout about some bullshxt like rules.
A girl he'll love like I love him.
A girl he'll have tangled in his arms.
A girl he'll gently hold the face off, and have their noses brush against each other.
A girl.
A girl that'll be everything I want to be.
Someone he'll love, and not a guy.
How fuxking stupid of me.
He's a fuxking dude.
Why do I expect him to even accept the fact I find him cute? Let alone feel the same thing?
It's disgusting, the things I'm feeling around him.
I shouldn't feel that about a boy.
But it's weird, I've thought of girls like this, too.
So why is he different.
It doesn't make sense.
I was normal, what did he do?
What's so special about him?
He's just a boy.
Just a boy.
Just a boy.
A boy I love.
That I fuxking love.
God damn it.
If we just had a few more minutes.
I'd hold his body so gently, a way that makes him feel safe and secure and loved.
Cradle him in my arms, giving him adorable face kisses.
Gently stroking his ravenette hair.
Damn this is stupid.
Pick him up and carry him away from everything else.
Just us.
Just us happy.
Just us content.
Just us the way I want it to be.
But I know now it'll never be that way.
And god does that hxrt me.
All I want is him to know.
Not even him liking me back, just him knowing.
I'm not dying without him knowing.
But then that sparks the question;
What if he feels the same?
Then I'd just make him feel worse.
Remind him he'll never be with the boy he loves.
Remind him he'll never be able to kiss him.
Remind him he'll never be able to tell him 'I love you'.
God damnit.
I don't want to do that.
But I also refuse to die without him knowing.
Shxt man.
It's a lose lose for both of us.
God damnit.
I'm sorry, bro.
I love you.
I wish I could tell you forward.
I wish I could just hug you while I do so.
I'm not even asking for a kiss, just for me to tell you.
Though, a kiss would be real fuxking nice.
You're lips are probably really soft.
And you probably are a really good kisser.
But you'd probably go on about how you aren't a good kisser and you must be "such a huge inconvenience" and "such a struggle to even try to kiss".
You do that often.
Taking about how bad you are at doing something.
When really you're great at it.
You don't give yourself enough credit like you should.
If we just had a few more minutes.
I'd put so much more on this paper, but it's late.
And I wanna at least have a working brain for the trail.
Not like I'm gonna try and pass it.
I couldn't care watching you die.
The others I couldn't give two shxts about.
But you,
Watching you have to die so I could go solemnly walk around in his world.
It's something I refuse to let happen.
And I know if I told ya about killing Chihiro, you'd try and help fix the scene.
Make it so it loses all ties to me.
Where I'll get out scot free.
But no, I won't let you.
I'm not letting you die so I can go off and leave you here in this stupid school forever.
I refuse.
I fuxking refuse.
If we just had a few more minutes.
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*╚═══❖•ೋ° °ೋ•❖═══╝*

1169 words.

нαн! ทσ ƒℓυƒƒ ƒσr yσυ, вxτcн. yσυ gєτ αทgsτ. ωнy? вєcαυsє i нατє yσυ! /J
σкαy sσrry ƒσr τнє αทgsτ, i ρrσмisє. i jυsτ ƒєℓτ ℓiкє ωriτiทg sα∂ вєcαυsє i cαท. τнαทкs τσ τнє τiкτσк cσммєทτ ƒσr sσмє σƒ τнє iทsρirατiσท τнσ!
Translation:
HAH! NO FLUFF FOR YOU, BXTCH. YOU GET ANGST. WHY? BECAUSE I HATE YOU! /J
okay, sorry for the angst, i promise. i just felt like writing sad because i can. thanks to the tiktok comment for the inspiration tho!