Ishimondo Oneshots! (≧▽≦)

Internalized

TW: INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA & AN EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN (???)

(🥀)
.
.
.
*╔═══❖•ೋ° °ೋ•❖═══╗*

Kiyotaka had recently made a friend;
And he had an unfortunate discovery.
He was feeling certain things no boy should feel for another boy.
The boy just couldn't believe himself.
He felt so ashamed.
So gross.
His poor friend, Mondo.
Having to be Kiyotaka's unfortunate 'crush'.
He felt horrible.
"I have no time for this."
He grumbled, gripping his pencil tightly.
"I can't be like this."
He inhaled shakily, trying not to have a breakdown.
"I have to be something great...I can't disappoint now..."
The prefect prayed for them to go away, but the only way he could think of was telling the boy.
"He'd be so disgusted..."
He gritted his teeth, just thinking about the man's reaction.
"He'd hate me, which I can't blame him...he'd be ashamed, so disappointed...to know that his friend was-"
Taka could barely finish that sentence.
His hands and breath were getting more shakey.
He wanted to cry.
But he couldn't cry.
He couldn't accept the fact he loved Mondo.
His poor soul.
He found is dishonorable.
Not homosexuality;
Him being one was the dishonorable part.
He had no problem with LGBTQIA+ people, his friend Kindred was openly a part of it.
Just him being a part of it is...
Something he never wanted.
He needed to restore faith to his family's name;
He can't ruin it anymore then it already is!
He needs to fix this.
Before he lets it control him.
He couldn't stop the tears from running down his face.
They dropped on his desk.
He inhaled.
He needed to get himself under control.
He can't let this control him.
He can't be like this.
He needs to stay strong.
Right now he just couldn't.
He broke down;
He ugly sobbed into his hands, he pencil on the ground.
He heaved into his palms, letting out all of the choked up emotion stuck in his throat.
He got up from his desk and curled in the corner of his room.
Balled, he screamed into his legs.
He shook, he was controlled by his emotions at this point.
He hated this.
Crying over a stupid boy.
A man that'll never love him.
Never even LIKE him.
He sobbed.
A boy.
Why couldn't it have been a girl?
Like Kyoko, or Sayaka? Or Muruko?
Why not a girl???
Why a boy?
Taka couldn't believe himself.
He hated those 'fantasies' he'd have.
Of him and his friend, Mondo.
Of them doing stupid romantic things.
Holding hands, gentle snuggling, soft kisses on the cheeks and lips.
He cringed at remembering them.
When he thinks about them in the moment; it's nice for a second.
Just innocent day-dreaming.
But then he snaps out of it quickly.
He couldn't help but cry and shake.
He felt so shameful.
So...
Odd.
But as much as he hated it;
He still wanted Mondo's attention.
He still craved his lips.
He still prayed for his love.
He still wanted him.
He was in a situation he couldn't understand.
.
.
.
*╚═══❖•ೋ° °ೋ•❖═══╝*

512 words.

iм sσrry τнis cнαρτєr is sα∂ iм sσrry ƒℓυƒƒ sσσท. sσrry gυys.

im sorry this chapter is sad im sorry fluff soon sorry guys.