Survive Till Dusk (The Maze Runner)

Chapter 36 // Shits & Giggles

*Alex's P.O.V.*

Pulling the linen covers over my head, I groaned as a warm ray of sunlight filtered in through the dirty window of my newly assigned room. Early this morning, in the safety of darkness, Keith and Johnson had picked us up with the Berg. We had left the bunker and had returned to an old sector of the Right Arm's main complex that had already been searched by WICKED troops. Since it had already been searched, it was unlikely for WICKED to comeback anytime soon. We were trying to throw them off of our trail — and what better way was there than to hide right under their noses?

Squeezing my eyes shut even tighter, I hoped that sleep would welcome me back into the realms of sweet oblivion. Sadly, I had no such luck. I hated waking up. I hated hurting. I hated not having answers. Right now, I seemed to hate just about everything and anyone. I just wanted to be left alone.

Even the slightest sound set my teeth on edge. Everything just felt so overwhelming. By now, it had just become too much for me to handle. My emotions were overflowing and I had no control over what I was saying and who I was hurting.

At first, I was angry at Thomas because he had killed Newt. I was angry at the others because they had just stood by. I was angry at myself for not having done anything sooner. And I was angry at Newt. Angry because he hadn't trusted me enough to tell me about what was going on, angry because he didn't come to me for help, angry because he was gone and had left me without answers. Everything had just become so blurred and I no longer really knew who I was angry at. I just was.

But now, I was just exhausted. I was too exhausted to be angry. And with that exhaustion came clarity. For the first time since the incident, my thoughts weren't controlled by anger.

Deep down, I knew that it wasn't Thomas' fault. I just needed someone to blame and he had been there. Thomas would've never done anything to hurt his friends — especially not Newt — and I knew that. I had just been too blind to see it. He had tried to save him; he had tried to distract him long enough for the others to get the serum, but in the end something had happened that none of us could have foreseen. What happened to Newt was many things: an accident, a tragedy — but the one thing it was not, was Thomas' fault. God, I had been so terrible to him.

Suddenly, a loud knock reverberated through the room. Startled, I sat up. The two cots next to me, that belonged to Scarlett and Robin, were empty. They must have already headed out to breakfast.

"Please go away, I'm not hungry," I called out softly, assuming it was Keith again, who was bringing me something to eat.

"Alex, its me: Thomas. I know I'm probably the last person you want to see right now-" I ripped the door open.

"Come in." I stepped back, opening the door wider, and curtly signaled for him to come inside. Awkwardly, he stepped past me, looking slightly concerned at my sudden lack of hostility towards him.

"We're having an impromptu meeting now and I just thought you might like to be there. Keith and Johnson have some things they'd like to fill us in on and it sounded pretty important. Plus, there's something else you might like to hear," he began rambling, but I was so lost in my own thoughts that I barely picked up on anything.

"Right... then I'll leave you to it," Thomas said when I didn't respond.

"What... oh right, sorry, meeting... I'll be there." It was all I could answer, still mulling over everything on my mind.

Just as Thomas was about to leave the room, I snapped out of it. "Wait, Thomas-" He turned back around, still somewhat unsure of how to interact with me.

Awkwardly, I cleared my throat. "I'm not really good at this stuff,  but I just wanted to let you know that I know it wasn't your fault. I know I blamed you before and that I was absolutely horrible to you and that you didn't deserve to be treated like that and that..." I stopped. Taking a breath and re-grouping my thoughts, I tried again.