Greyhound

Nineteen

"Holy shit." Ashton leans his back against the door as he enters his house, finally feeling like he can take a deep breath. The whole scene playing out in his head again and again. Amelia is a mom already? "Fuck." he shakes his head sharply, wandering towards the kitchen to put his keys away.

"You okay Ashton?" He jumps, having been lost in his own head.

"Fine mum." He tries to recover quickly, shrugging off her question.

"I've known you your whole life Ash, don't you dare try to lie to me." Her tone is sharp, the no bullshit voice she would use when he was a child trying to get away with a lie coming out full force.

"I just, it was a weird night." He shrugs, grabbing a water from the fridge, cursing himself as he wants to reach for one of Matt's beers. It really had been a bad end to the night.

"Sit." His mom instructs, pointing to the seat beside her on the couch as she marks her place in her book and sets it aside.

"I'm fine mum." He rolls his eyes but does sit down beside her, leaning his head back against the couch.

"If you were fine, you wouldn't be trying so hard to reassure me you're fine. And you wouldn't have hesitated getting that water. I saw you pause in front of the beers in there."

"I forget how observant you are sometimes." he half chuckles.

"So what happened? Did you kiss her and she hated it?" His mom smirks slightly, clearly trying to lighten the mood some.

"No. Never even got the chance. Although I was definitely thinking about it, she looked extra beautiful today.

"Well then what happened?"

"It was perfect, all evening. We were laughing, and flirting, and the meeting was great. It was really nice to be back there. And she was so fucking happy, lit up the whole night with her smile. Until..." he sighs, "Until we got back to her apartment. She offered to make me dinner, and hang out for a while. I was not turning down the chance to spend more time with her, especially private time with just her, I need that if I'm going to figure out exactly where my head is with her. But when we got up to her floor there was a lady with a baby waiting outside her door."

"And that scared you off?"

"Not exactly, I was confused for sure, but then the lady, Bre, I think was her name, said the baby wanted to spend Christmas with his mom... She's a mom, Amelia is a mom, and she didn't think I should know that apparently. It freaked me out. I've known her for six months, we talk a lot, over the last few weeks especially, she's shared some deep shit and then to realize she kept that from me... Did she not trust me to be able to handle that part of her life?"

"Not to kick you while you're down, but running out on her because you found out, even finding out like this, is proof to that doubt if she had it."

"Fuck." He groans, running a hand down his face, she was correct in that fact. He knew it probably didn't look good to Amelia the way he ran out scared.

"Why does it freak you out that she is a mom?"

"I'm not ready for a kid." his voice is laced with panic, eyes wide as they meet hers, "Fuck I'm still a kid, I can't raise a kid, I'm a mess, and busy and gone a lot."

"Ashton." Her tone is acidic as she barks his name angrily, succeeding in getting him to shut up. "She is not asking you to adopt this child. Her being a mom is in no way causing you to change your life. It's a fact of her life. Think about that little kid, that kid is you Ashton. You were the little kid with the drunk mum, the kid who had to endure hell due to my addiction. And that kid is doing the same because of her. You know exactly what it was like to grow up with people in and out of our lives. Flaking on us because of my addiction, because they didn't approve of the way I was fighting for us, for you, because it scared them to see me trying to best my own mind and body's cravings to make a better life for you. I will not sit by and let you flake on her because you are scared. This girl is doing everything she can to be a good mom, and I need you to check yourself. I will not let you make her feel terrible for doing her best, for taking her situation and making the best of it. You are allowed to be shocked, to be nervous, to be hesitant. But you are not allowed to make her feel like a worthless human being."

"It freaked me out mum. I'd mentioned kids to her before, told her how proud of her her future kids would be because she was facing her demons now. There were opportunities for this to come up, for me to come to terms with the idea before it was thrown in my face. And she didn't take any of them."

"Did you ever stop and think about how terrifying it would be for her to admit this part of her life to you? You saw good in her that she probably doesn't see in herself, admitting to something like fucking up on parenting, to someone who sees you in a light no one else seems to is not easy. Trust me, I was her Ashton, I was young and scared and constantly at war with myself over how terrible a mother I was to you despite how hard I was fighting to right myself for the benefit of you and us as a family."

"I'm allowed to be scared. To have a reaction to this mum."

"Yes you are. But I am not going to allow you to break her further. Maybe this helps you decide where your head is and your heart is. What you're willing to define and where the relationship you have with her will stand. But you have to take the time to inform her of those parameters, and be honest with her. You do not get to ghost and leave her tired, overthinking, worried brain to self-destruct further because of your lack of communication on the matter. She deserves more than that from you."

"Can I sleep on it first."

"Yes, but don't leave her to her own thoughts on the matter for too many days, you don't understand how detrimental to her health it can be to overthink these things, and I know she is overthinking them."

"It scares the hell out of me mum, the idea that I'm falling for a woman with a child... it completely blindsided me."

"Understandably, but I know what is going through her head, and I refuse to let you make her harder on herself than necessary. Or at least I will make sure you know how your actions, and reaction is affecting her. And try to convince you to be better than every single one of those men who paraded through my life, our life, until something got too hard and they left us high and dry."

"I can't promise I won't hurt her still... but I'd try to be gentle with whatever I decide." Ashton sighs, resting his head back against the couch back.

"That's all I'm really asking of you. Think before you say anything, and be clear and gentle with her."

"I'll try."

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What will Ashton decide?

How does his running out affect Amelia?

Vote and comment!

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~M =)