Greyhound

Fifty-Three

"Hey!" Ashton grins, turning from the stove as he hears Amelia come back into the house.

"Are you making me dinner?" Amelia frowns, confusing Ashton.

"Ya, is that a problem?"

"Crystal stuffed me full of food." She shrugs, "I was just going to grab Ez and head home."

"You guys are welcome to stay tonight, I was kind of hoping you would. I-" "No thanks, I just want to take Ez and go home. Thank you for watching him today, Ash."

"Hey," He sets down the spatula he was still holding, rounding the island to meet her, "What's going on?"

"I'm just tired. I just want to go home." She deflects his question, shrugging away from him before he can even touch her.

"Mils. Stop." He sighs, grabbing her arm and turning her back towards him, "You were happy when you left here a few hours ago, something happened and it seems like you're mad at me. Which makes absolutely no sense seeing as I have been here hanging out with the one year old while you've been elsewhere."

"I'm not mad at you." She responds reactively.

"I call bullshit, so tell me what I did wrong please? Because I am confused and I want to fix it."

"Fine, you want to know what's wrong?" She huffs, turning to face him fully.

"Please!"

"I need an honest answer Ashton, okay, I need you to be 100% honest with me when I ask you this question."

"Always." He nods, confused by her request and mood.

"Are you really as okay with not having sex in our relationship?"

He's taken aback by her question, having not expected that to come from her mouth. "You know I am." He responds level and calm.

'Do I?" He steps back slightly as she startles. "Because after today I'm not sure you're not lying to me!"

"What are you even talking about Amelia? If I was struggling you would know, it would be hypocritical of me to ask you to be open with me if I wasn't being open with you."

"Then tell me the fucking truth! Are you one hundred percent okay with the fact that we may never have sex Ashton? That despite everything I am trying to do, it may never happen for us, that I will be unable to actually take part in the act of sexual intercorse with you. Are you okay with it never happening for us?"

"I don't know!" He blows up slightly, answering honestly and feeling a slight weight lift, "I don't know, I want to though, I love you Amelia, I love you so much and I want to be okay with it, and maybe I'm not going to be okay with it long run, but I am going to try damn hard to be okay with it, because I believe you are worth it. That we are worth it."

"But what if it breaks us Ashton, what if you trying to do this for me is breaking you? What if I end up hurting you so badly that you end up hurting me? Because despite my best efforts thus far, nothing has changed in my ability to get closer to being ready for anything close to sex. I don't want to break you Ashton, I don't want you to hurt yourself to try and be what I need, and I won't let you."

"I want to be what you need me to be, I will make any sacrifice you need me to make, I will do anything to be with you." He shakes his head, fear edging its way into his chest.

"Then why are you going behind my back to tell your friends how frustrating it is that I haven't been able to put out?" she asks with a defeated tone, turning to scoop Ezra from the floor where he is playing before heading for the door, hoping Ashton will say something.

She turns back as she reaches the hallway, seeing guilt on his face and a pot of something smoking behind him, "Your dinner is burning." She comments in a monotone voice before turning and leaving the room, the front door echoing behind her as she closes it. The small bit of her that still believed maybe what he'd discussed with Michael hadn't been about her not being able to have sex dying fully. The look on his face as she left confirmed without a doubt that had been what he was venting about. And she had to beg him to admit to his feelings towards their situation...

The drive home is extremely uneventful, silent, and almost awkward, a confusing sensation given that the only person in the car is her one year old. Once home she settles Ezra into the high chair and feeds him some dinner while in a dazed state, keeping her emotions suppressed until she has him cleaned up and tucked into bed.

Once she knows Ezra is asleep she pulls her phone from her pocket, seeing multiple texts from Ashton on the screen, a couple voicemails as well. Ignoring all of his attempts to contact her and tossing the phone onto her nightstand, pausing for a moment before opening the drawer, pulling the waterproof vibrator from inside and heading for the bathroom.

She twirls the knobs to the tub, filling the water with the same bubbles and salts she and Ashton had used when they soaked in the bath together. Shakily stripping her clothing from her body she lets herself sink into the hot water, leaning her head back as she finally lets her tears fall, thinking about the man she loves and wishes she could be enough for.

Reaching between her legs as her mind is overwhelmed with thoughts of Ashton she touches herself softly, dragging her fingers along her folds and rubbing against her clit, willing the ever so slightly pleasant sensation to grow, reaching for the vibrator and turning it on as she feels the internal encouragement for more stimulation.

Taking a deep breath she presses the egg shaped device to her clit, letting the slow level of vibrations reverberate through the sensitive bundle. Circling around her core for a moment she pulls off opening her eyes with a loud gasp as dark and menacing eyes overtake her thoughts of Ashton, a haunting picture of the face she would see nearly every night as a teenager. Unable to get herself to focus back on Ashton after the image attached her mind she gives up after only another minute or two, draining the still hot water from the tub and burying herself into Ashton's hoodie.

Crawling under the covers from the foot of her bed she hides below the blankets fully, crying herself to sleep again, all but a drop of her hope gone. Knowing there is less than a decimal of a chance she can ever be what Ashton needs her to be to truly feel secure being with him long term.

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Where do they go from here?

Can they figure things out?

Is there anything they can do to meet at a common ground or is a true breakup inevitable? I want your thoughts on how the last few chapters should play out!

Vote and comment!

I love you guys!!!

~M =)