Babysitter With Benefits

34

Gianna's P.O.V

Sometime later, you're surprised to see Natalie standing on the steps to your grandmothers, her brows furrowed angrily as you answer the door. You blink a few times, trying to make it appear like you haven't spent the entire day crying nonstop, but you can tell by her scrutinising gaze that she doesn't buy it.

"Nat, What are you doing here?"

"Damn... you look like someone ran over your puppy. Your grandmother called me. What the hell happened?"

She pushes past you, trudging into the house, towards the living room, where you hear her plop down on the couch. Sighing, you close the door. You haven't planned on company. In fact, you were looking forward to the emptiness of the house as your Gram is out shopping with some of her friends, but of course, those plans are ruined.

"Jeremiah and I broke up"

"Broke up? You were dating?"

Well, not technically. God, thats pathetic. I'm mourning a relationship that never existed.

You move towards the living room, dragging a hand through your tangled locks, you plop down beside her and let your head fall back on the couch.

"I guess not. I quit. I'm not working with him anymore. Wont see his kids either. I made too many fucking mistakes"

Your mind reverts back to Helena. Her lifeless body. Rissa scarred forever at that sight. How it was all your fault. A cold chill passes over you and Nat interrupts your harrowing thoughts with a gentle squeeze of your arm.

"Hey, hey... look, don't stress yourself out. Its okay. Everyone makes mistakes, girl"

I made the fucking trifecta of mistakes. The worst I could possibly make.

"Its okay. You're only human. No one expects you to be perfect"

She releases your arm, and you quickly press your hands to your closed eyelids to dispel the tears forming. You thought you'd cried all the tears you possibly could've. But still, they sting your eyes overcoming you with the urge to cry.

"I just fucked up big time. I didn't even realise how much I cared about him"

"Oh god. Do you love him?"

The words feel so foreign - so fucking odd - once spoken aloud. Love. You love a man you've known for a little over a month. Its laughable. You want to deny it, but deep down you know its true. Its true in the worst kind of way. He hovers your mind, a painful memory that you cant even come to push out of your mind, because despite the stabbing feeling in your chest when you think of him, you'd rather deal with the pain than forget his touch; his words; the way every moment with him was fulfilling.

Loving him was my biggest mistake.

"Yeah. I do"

"Jesus, Gi. You weren't supposed to fall for the guy. Just fuck him and leave your heart out of it"

"Thats a lot easier said than done, Nat. I didn't want to get feelings for him. I knew it was the worst fucking thing. I even tried to resist my feelings. I mean, god those poor kids. I'm juts another rotating figure in their lives. No wonder they're miserable"

"That's not your fault. That's life, Gianna. You of all people should know that! You think you asked to live here with your grandmother? At least they have a loving parent. You had none"

"Yeah, well, it was fucking stupid of me to fuck the only parent they had and ruin things for them. God, I miss them. Horribly"

You feel your face warming the more agitated you get, and you groan, crossing your arms over your chest as Nat turns towards you.