Advice

What To Do When Someone Does/Says Something Negative About Themselves.

Do not, i repeat, DO NOT say their opinion of themselves doesn't matter. 

Yeah yeah, i know you don't do it on purpose, but stop being ignorant, and listen. 

Here's a scenario. 

you're talking and playing with your best friend, and you decide to take a picture of them. they shy away and cover their face saying that they don't like being on camera, and ask you to put the camera away. 

you ask why, and they explain that they don't like how they look. 

you ask them to explain further, and they call themselves ugly/unattractive. 

you say that they shouldn't think that, but put the camera away anyway. 

this behavior is extremely toxic. 

you might not understand right now, but let me explain from the other person's perspective. 

you're talking and playing with your friend, and you're laughing at a joke, with your eyes screwed shut, and then suddenly, you see a camera in their hands. 

you flinch away, covering your face and turning away from them. at the sight of the camera, you think about what that picture would look like, and all the hateful comments come flooding back to you about how ugly you are. and you suddenly vividly remember your feelings while you were crying in front of the mirror the night before. 

you ask them to put the camera away, still not looking at them, afraid that when you see the camera again you'll start crying and they'll find you even more disgusting. 

you wait, but you don't hear them put the camera away, and you become slightly hurt that they won't do as you say when they can clearly see you're struggling. 

they ask you why they should put the camera away, and you struggle to keep your cool. are they messing with you? are they trying to get you to look at them so they can steal a picture and send it to all their other, more attractive friends so they can all talk about how ugly you are. 

you tell them the bare minimum, saying that you don't particularly like how you look, and ask them again to put the camera away. 

they press you further, and you can feel tears pressing against the back of your eyes, starting to hurt as you fight to hold the waterfall back so you don't seem weak. 

despite yourself, you blurt out 'because i'm ugly okay?!' and turn to face them with a red face, glossy eyes and a firmly set jaw. 

they look at you slightly annoyed at your outburst, and you think to yourself 'aw great, now they're gonna say i'm a horrible person too. what on earth have i done?' 

you see them sigh and shrug. and they put the camera away. then you hear words you never thought they would ever say. 

they said that you shouldn't feel that way. 

well no shit. do they think that you're so stupid, so naive, that it couldn't even cross your mind that seeing as you were suddenly feeling so shitty about yourself, that this was someone else's doing and you shouldn't be letting it get to you? well no shit sherlock, thanks for enlightening me. thanks for telling me that these feelings that i am stuck struggling with aren't needed and i shouldn't be having them? do you fucking think that these feelings that other people have shoved on me listen to reason? 

that's everything that goes through that person's head. and that's everything that you make them feel by saying that they shouldn't feel a certain way.