NUMB

I Am So Fucking Numb

I'm so fucking numb.
PTSD

I'm so fucking numb.
Anxiety

I'm so fucking numb 
ED

I'm so fucking numb
Relationships

I'm so fucking numb
Exploited at 11 

I'm so fucking numb
I lost my youth

I'm so fucking numb
I don't remember my childhood

I'm so fucking numb 
Stalked, raped, drugged at 21

I'm so fucking numb
Sex haunts me 11 years later

I'm so fucking numb 
The man I loved is a monster

I'm so fucking numb 
My big brother hates me

I'm so fucking numb
But little brother you look up to me

I'm so fucking numb 
I wish I could take it all back

I'm so fucking numb 
I was so mean to you dad

I'm so fucking numb
But this older man he stole me away.

I am so fucking numb
Daddy lost his little girl

I am so fucking numb
But I was only fucking 11

I am so fucking numb
I'm so sorry you couldn't save me

I am so fucking numb
But I am still your little girl

I am so fucking numb
Daddy I am so sorry

I am so fucking numb
And daddy you almost fucking died

I'm so fucking numb
Mom you cry yourself to sleep

I'm so fucking numb 
 I broke you so deep 

Im so fucking numb
Mom I was only 11, but why did I do it again at 22

I'm so fucking numb 
Mom please don't cry

I'm so fucking numb 
I'm sorry I don't know how to help you

I'm so fucking numb
Maybe I should just leave 

I'm so fucking numb
My new 'friend' tried to rape me

I'm so fucking numb
Does anyone care?

I'm so fucking numb
I guess that's just life.
.............................................................................
But wait!
Who are you? 

I'm so fucking numb
But please stay over & let's try this tonight

I'm so fucking numb
I don't really care about you

I'm so fucking numb
This isn't love, it's only temporary

I'm so fucking numb
But I think I might let you in

FUCK

I'm so hot and cold
Do I even like this guy?

I'm so hot and cold
I felt something tonight

Because tonight I cried

I feel something
I love when he holds me

I feel something
He's an amazing guy

I feel something
I think it's the butterflies

I feel something
Thank god

FUCK

I feel nothing
Today he really sucked

I feel nothing
He won't listen

I feel nothing
Why won't he listen?

I feel nothing
He's asleep beside me

And here we go again...

I am so fucking numb

Does anyone care? 

Do I even care?

I am just so fucking numb.

But I guess I never really cared anyways.

Life.