Story Of A Girl

Once Again

February 21, 2015

        Well, I stayed up all night talking with Scott and broke friendship bonds with Tyelr T. over his sexual attitude. Tired of giving in to all those little fuck boys and now going to hang out with my rock boys. Found out Michael has had this desire to kiss me for a really long time and it's so weird because the desire was very mutual. But it's nothing more, he's with Louise and I'm really happy for them. The thing I just don't get is Why did he finally kiss me after all this time? I'm not gonna waste my time on it though, I've got plenty more to think about right now. Who's gonna drive me to the airport? Who's gonna pick me up? How am I gonna get to New York to see Anthony? Or to Michigan to surprise Beth? Am I even gonna get to go? Oh well, I'll figure it all out one day. And surprisingly, just to let you in, me and  "Dawson" are not together anymore. She, yes SHE, decided to finally come out and tell me that she isn't a boy although she does have cancer like she said. My life has never been so confusing. 

        And then on top of that, a couple of days ago this guy who s nine years older than me decided to tell me he loves me. What the actual fuck? How does someone just let that slip out just so easily? I don't understand. I mean yeah we had a connection but it wasn't that strong. I knew the consequences that would bring for both of us. And now this sweetheart Alex from Idaho has been messaging me. What can I say? I'm just a bit scared of my reactions to things lately. It seems though as if the deeper I let the knife into my skin, the more he is there by my side. He called me beautiful the other night and made me cry. That comes very rarely. Maybe, just maybe, I cried until I couldn't anymore. I don't deserve this. I can't let him waste his love on such a cold hearted person.