Shout

Chapter Six - Emotional Baggage

I walked towards my literature class feeling the additional emotional weight of Stacey's request in my bag. I was beating myself up for taking time out of my day to photocopy notes for her. Why did I torture myself this way?

I sat in a different seat than I usually did to try and avoid seeing her. I was hoping the fifty or so other students would keep me hidden. Professor Peters entered the class and began her lecture on romanticism in literature.

"One of the key characteristics of Romanticism is valuing emotions and feelings over reason. Love doesn't always make sense. There isn't a rational explanation all the time for things of this nature. Writers began to showcase this during this period. There is beauty in listening to the wisdom that your past experiences have taught you. This intuition was valued greatly during this period as it is today."

As soon as she finished the class a blur of perfectly brushed blonde hair made her way towards me.

"Hey, girl!" Stacey shouted a bit too loudly. She wore a red crop top and black leggings. Her clothes perfectly complemented her hour glass figure. I adjusted my jeans self consciously as she came to stand before me. She really was beautiful. A memory of Aaron saying the same to me when we talked about Stacey once flittered into my mind. I had always felt uneasy around her after that. "Olivia, you're looking great today!" She complimented while shimmying her fingers through her already flawless hair.

"Hey, Stacey," I said quietly.

"Ugh I'd love to hang out now but I have to rush to meet Heather for lunch." She referenced a girl that I used to know very well when Aaron and I dated. It felt like a whole other world now. A year ago, all of us would have been hanging out on a daily basis. It couldn't have felt more different now. I wondered briefly if they missed Avery and I at all or if it was easy for them to move on.

I nodded at her counting on her to feel too embarrassed to ask for my notes. It didn't work.

"Do you have those notes I was asking you about?" She asked peppily.

I reached into my bag wordlessly and handed her the photocopied notes, hating myself more than I thought was possible while doing so. I wished I could have been different. I wished I could stand up for myself. If only I could channel an inner Avery. She thanked me and waved at me, walking out of class.

I huffed as I sat in our Psychology class dropping my bag on the floor in frustration. Alexander was already sitting in the usual spot, sketching away in his notebook. He closed his notebook as I sat down and turned towards me.

"Hi, Olivia," He smiled at me and I felt the familiar knots form in my stomach. He was rummaging in his bag when he pulled out a few sheets of paper, folded neatly in half. He handed them to me. I held them in my hands suspiciously.

"What's this?" I asked as I opened the paper up. Six ways to get people to stop walking all over you. I shot him a glare at the article he had given me. "I do not need this," I handed the papers back to him.

He raised an eyebrow at me, "Can I have 20 bucks?" He asked pointedly.

"No. There." I told him triumphantly.

"I mean, I did pay for our lunch the other day. I just thought you might want to pay me back." He trailed, scratching the back of his head awkwardly.

My cheeks tinged with red, "Oh, I'm so sorry! Sure," I told him as I rummaged through my bag.

He placed his hand on my wrist, stopping me, "I'm kidding, Olivia." He stated looking at me pointedly. His hand remained around my wrist and I looked down at our hands touching before he pulled his hand back clearing his throat. "Rule number one: Use language that acknowledges your feelings." He said reading off his papers before turning his body to face me.

"This is ridiculous." I muttered crossing my arms.

"Olivia, can I have 20 bucks?"

"No, Alexander." I repeated.

"Pretty please?" He pressed, pouting slightly. My eyes darted to his lips that looked unbelievably soft and perfectly pink.

"No?" I was so flustered that it came out as a question. But this was less to do with the exercise we were doing than I wanted to admit to myself.

He frowned at me, "Olivia, I need it. I'm going through a tough time at the moment."

"No..." I trailed.

"Huh. You did better than I thought. Maybe you're not a lost cause after all." He gripped the papers and placed them gently back in his bag.

"I thought those were for me?" I asked gesturing to the papers.

"You're not ready for step two yet," he declared just as class began.

A few minutes before class finished, I began to pack my bag. Alexander shot me a confused look but I ignored it. The professor had barely finished saying "See you next week," as I darted out the back door. There was no way I was going to have a repeat of the catastrophe that was the last class. If I had to do that every class to avoid seeing Aaron, I would happily do it.

I hid around the corner before I saw Alexander walk out. He looked around before spotting me and walking over to where I was hiding pitifully.

"Hey, Olivia," he said slowly like I would run off otherwise.

"Yes?" I glared up at him.

"You doing okay?" He asked.

"I'm-" I began.

"Fine-" Alexander finished. He grinned at me when I realized that he had caught on to my common use of the phrase, "Use language that acknowledges your feelings, Olivia." He reminded me.

"Well, I'm pretty peeved at you at the moment." I confessed before I slapped a hand over my mouth. "Sorry," I said guiltily.

"I'm so proud of you." He said and I shoved his shoulder back with my hands, laughing

I rushed to make it for my Biology class with Avery. She was already at her desk with earphones in her ears. She tugged them out as I approached her.

"Hey," she greeted me.

"Hey," I smiled widely back at her, taking a seat next to her.

"What's up with you?" She asked suspiciously.

"Nothing," I trailed putting my hands on my face to check if I had anything on it. It would be just like me to be walking around all day with something on my face.

"I assumed you'd be down because of Stacey today." Avery brought out her notebook.

"Oh, I forgot about Stacey for a minute. Thanks for that," I said glumly placing my own notebook in front of me.

"Sorry," She laughed, "I figured it usually takes you days to forget these awkward encounters so it'd be fair game for conversation today."

"Yeah, weird." I replied as the professor walked in. Avery was right. I did usually dwell on these things for weeks after the fact actually.

Avery lowered her voice as class began, "Nathan and I are hanging out tonight. You in?" She whispered.

"Nah, I don't want to bud in." I whispered back as I tried to keep up with the notes.

"You wouldn't be. Alexander will be there too," She said giving me a sly glance. I'm sure she thought I didn't notice so I pretended not to. I knew Avery had hopes for something, but my heart wasn't mine to give away. Aaron held onto a half of it and I couldn't get it back.

"Oh?" I asked feigning disinterest.

"Nathan already asked him and he said he didn't have plans. So don't leave me alone." She instructed.

"Okay. I don't have anything better to do anyway."