Shout

Chapter Eleven - Do You Ever Get Sick of Being My Cheerleader?

I stared at the papers in front of me. Application for Teacher's College. The words were haunting. I folded my legs underneath me and pulled a pillow closer to my stomach so I could wrap my arms around it. I had hoped by this point in college, my mother would have come around to my becoming a teacher but that clearly wasn't going to be happening anytime soon.

I huffed before getting off my bed and walking to the kitchen. The echo of my bare feet pattering on the marble floors in my empty house was poignant. I poured myself a large cup of coffee before sitting at the kitchen island to sip at it.

Sometimes I wished my mother and I could have a normal relationship or at least a closer bond than we did. The issue was that my mother knew what working hard meant and why she wanted me to avoid it so much.

Before she met my father, she was working as a waitress just to make ends meet. She had been running away from her abusive parents at the time and when she met my father - a wealthy entrepreneur - she jumped at the chance to have a stable life. After my father passed away when I was a baby, she had flitted through boyfriends to fiancés, but hadn't committed to another marriage again. A part of me hoped that there was love in my parents' marriage, but my father was 21 years her senior and onto his third marriage and my mother was looking for someone who could provide her a comfortable lifestyle. I wasn't under any delusions about what that meant for them. A convenient marriage for the two of them.

I glanced at the clock to see 10:49 PM. I picked up my phone to ring a number that I hadn't rung in a long time. Maybe it was time for some honesty in my life.

"Hello?" Came the muffled reply.

"Hi, mom" I whispered. "Did I wake you?"

"Olivia? Is everything okay?" Concern etched her voice.

"Everything's fine. Sort of." I admitted as an afterthought. Use language that acknowledges your feelings, Olivia. "How are you?"

"I'm replying to emails and making arrangements for when I leave Paris."

"That's good," I replied awkwardly. "I just wanted to talk to you about Aaron."

"Oh yes, I'm glad you brought this up. I just spoke to his mother," She began as I froze. I wasn't sure how much Aaron had told June but I was hoping it was just as much as I'd told my mom. "She agrees that we should get together as soon as I'm back. It's been too long." Apparently that was the case.

"Right, about that-" I began only for my mom to cut me off.

"-This is a good relationship that you have, Olivia. I'm proud of you for making it work with Aaron. He's a good man." My mom told me in a proud tone that I rarely heard.

"Yeah," was the only word I could squeeze out. My chest felt full again, like breath was a commodity I couldn't afford.

"So we'll chat more about the details when I come home?" My mother questioned.

I cleared my throat, "Of course."

"Goodbye, Olivia." After a moment's pause, she added, "Thank you for the call."

"Bye mom." I ended the call and let out the breath that I had been holding.

I dumped my mug of unfinished coffee in the sink before returning to my bedroom. The application papers stared at me again. It's like they were taunting me with my potential dreams.

I snapped a picture of the application before sending it to Alexander.

Olivia: Thoughts?

Alexander: Definitely go for it.

I paused shoving my face into my pillow and groaning loudly. My phone dinged beside me.

Alexander: Are you doubting yourself?

Olivia: Never

Olivia: Just a little

Alexander: You'd make an amazing teacher, Olivia. At least fill out the application so you know all your options.

Olivia: I guess you're right. You ever get sick of being my cheerleader?

Alexander: Never

Being in Professor Peters class the next morning was the last place I wanted to be. I was not in the mood to hear about Romanticism in literature when I couldn't even break the news of my failed relationship with my mother.

"Good morning, class. Today, we will be discussing a book that had a large impact on this period of history. Goethe was a German author who published the book The Sorrows of Young Werther. It tells the beautiful love story between Werther and Charlotte, a young married woman at the time. The passions of the heart are strong with this book - Werther and Charlotte's love is true and steady. There's only one thing standing in the way and that's her husband. This is symbolic of this time. Living through pure emotion and following your heart no matter what rationality tells you. Fun fact: this book was claimed the greatest of all time by Napoleon."

Professor Peters continued to talk about the details of our final assignment before letting us go. Stacey either wasn't there or didn't bother talking to me, which I was glad for.

I packed up my things and quickly made my way to psychology. I sat down next to Alexander who was already sketching away. He closed his notebook swiftly before I could see his drawings.

"What are you working on?" I wondered.

"Just doodling. How's your application going?"

"It's finished," I grinned at him, "I'm going to mail it in today."

"That's amazing. I'm glad you're doing it." He smiled back at me.

Alexander was always so positive and encouraging. It was a change for me, aside from Avery. Aaron hadn't been against me working but he just never saw the reason behind it. He was finishing his college degree for the optics of it. His dad was a portfolio manager, which basically meant that he managed other people's money and made a ridiculous amount doing so. Once Aaron finished his degree in economics, he would begin as a junior partner at his dad's company and eventually take over the firm himself. My working as a teacher would mean I'd make scraps compared to him. He didn't see the value in that, especially as we talked about our future, married lives.

It still hurt that Aaron and I had all these detailed long-term plans mapped out for us only for him to pull the rug out from under me. If only he broke up with me instead of cheating. Maybe I wouldn't have this colossal gap in my heart. Maybe it wouldn't ache to think of them together all the time.

"We should go out to celebrate." Alexander stated.

"I haven't accomplished anything yet," I laughed.

"You accomplished a lot. And I don't have a doubt in my mind that you're going to get accepted into the best teacher's college." Alexander's tone was so confident that I believed him for just a moment.

"Thanks, Alexander." I smiled warmly. I needed to hear that more than he knew.

"So, what do you say?" He questioned looking over at me.

"That sounds like fun."

He grinned mischievously.

"What do you have in mind?" I asked feeling nervous all of a sudden.

"Nothing you need to worry about." He replied.

After the professor finished the lecture, I took my time gathering my things and walking out with Alexander and it took me a moment to realize that I didn't dash out as soon as class was over. I was so busy listening to Alexander telling me about his next art piece that I completely forgot about Aaron altogether. I didn't hate that feeling.