Stand on the scale
Wait
Nervously look away as the numbers
Tick
Tick
Tick
You pray to yourself
"Please be lower than last time!"
You tell yourself
"I won't look,"
"Two extra pounds? I could lose that today,"
"I lost ten pounds!"
I know it's bad
I know that I get too excited
That I feel like throwing up when they tell me my weight
I tell myself that whole
"You're not a number," bullshit.
But it means something to me.
And it shouldn't.
But it does.
