Save Me (Mafuyu X Uenoyama)

12

Mafuyu walked the rest of the way home, feeling ashamed of himself. He really didnt do anything wrong, but for some reason, a nagging guilt still plagued him. He felt so bad... He couldnt even explain it. He felt like he let everyone down.

Was he even important? Did anyone even care?

He sighed as he walked through the door to his house, thankful that his mother was at work so he wouldnt have to explain himself. Imedietally, he went to his bed and laid down, laying on his stomach and squeezing a pillow.

But this wasnt just any pillow. This was a pillow that he held very dear to him. It was a little beat up, seeing as it was pretty old, but it was fluffy like a stuffed animal and not too long ago, it had still smelt like Yuki...

Now, all it smelt like was laundry detergent. But that was soothing to him too. It was something he'd hug whenever he was stressed, and he was extremely attached to it, even if it wasnt alive. As soon as his head hit it, he felt instant relief, taking in deep breaths and letting himself calm down.

He didnt know why a simple pillow could give him such comfort. It was just some cloth and stuffing... But it genuinely made him feel better. It helped him relax and feel safe.

He wrapped his blanket around him and cuddled up perfectly, letting go of all his stress and deciding to deal with it later. He softly closed his eyes, allowing sleep to overtake him as he became engulfed in the warmth of his blankets.

He was a really deep sleeper, snoring quietly and not moving much. His breaths were deep and calm, and for once, he didnt get nightmares.

The next he knew, he felt a hand on his shoulder shaking him. As soon as it registered in his brain, he sat straight up and looked around, expecting to be hit or something. Turns out, it was just his mother.

"Honey, can you help with dinner?" She asked softly. "Oh... you dont look so good... are you feeling okay?"

Mafuyu nodded despite the fact that he felt awful. "Yeah..." he said with a yawn, knowing that he probably slept at least two full hours. "Sorry... I should've made it earlier..." he sighed and got up, a frown resting on his face as he limped out of bed.

He needed some time alone. He absolutely hated being alone, but he knew he needed to be. At least for a little while. And he had to remember that he couldnt just sleep the day away. It wasnt going to make things any better long term even if it was a quick fix. Plus, if it became a habit, that really wouldnt be good.

"Are you sure you're up to making dinner?" His mother asked him, putting a soft hand on his back and watching him jump in fear.

That was all she needed to see to tell what was going on. There was no way she wasnt calling the police, but she knew it would be better if Mafuyu didn't know about that. "Actually, sweetie, why dont we order today? Does that sound good?" She smiled and kissed his forehead. She did this both to show affection and to see if Mafuyu had a fever. Which, yes, he did. He was burning up.

"Oh god... that is really hot... you need some tylenol." It would help a lot with the fever and take down the inflammation in his wounds that she knew he was trying to hide.

"It would be best if we ordered..." Mafuyu agreed, kind of zoning out. He was lost in thought, and it was kind of hard to get his attention after that happened. He did it often, so his mother wasnt concerned. He was worried about Uenoyama... So much so that his stomach hurt. He was also a bit dizzy, not fully awake yet and ready to pass back out.

His mother left the room to get tylenol and came back moments later, handing it to Mafuyu and having him take a sip of water to swallow it.

"Is something going on sweetie?" She asked him, sitting down on the bed next to her.

"No..." Mafuyu lied, still staring straight ahead with unfocused and tired eyes. He was really stressed, and he knew that was why he felt this way. "I... I have to call Uenoyama-kun..." he said softly, not putting much effort into speaking and sounding quiet because of it. He couldnt focus on anything in particular, and his thoughts were all jumbled up. Stress always affected him this way, and his mother knew that. It was all brain fog. She remembered when Yuki passed away how Mafuyu acted like this for weeks on end... Just staying in his room and spacing out, or keeping himself detatched from things. It was like self defense. He was trying to protect himself from being hurt.

And there was no way to hurt if he couldn't feel anything at all.

But feeling nothing hurt too, in a way. Feeling nothing left him emotionless and... useless. If he couldnt feel, he couldn't ever be happy... he couldnt ever enjoy things like everyone else could...

But right now that didn't matter to him.

His mother took the cue to get out of the room, letting Mafuyu pull out his phone to call his lover.

"Uenoyama-kun..." he muttered, his voice empty and ever so hollow. "Are you okay..? Did you... did you die..?" He frowned and looked at the ground, wondering how he could say something so serious like that and not even be sad. He really was numb, huh...

"What??" Uenoyama said as he answered the phone. "Of course I'm fine.. Why would I have died??" He took a moment to think, trying to figure out why Mafuyu would even need to ask such a thing. But then, it dawned on him. "Oohhh... No, I'm okay. Don't worry. I'm not going to die over something silly like what happened earlier.." He understood that Mafuyu was worried because of his experience with Yuki, but what he didnt understand was why he sounded so... weird. Not like himself.

It was just like when he got the news about his father in the first place.

That worried him. It worried him greatly. He hated that Mafuyu had to feel like that... So detatched and so void of emotion. No one should have to feel like that. "I was just worried about you... I didnt mean to get mad. It was my fault, and I'm sorry. Plus, if you didnt want me to touch you, that's not something I get to be upset about. It's your body, you know? I should have listened to you..."

Mafuyu sighed, lifting his hand to rub his eyes as he tried to clear his head enough to even think. "No... It's my fault. I'm sorry for pushing you away..." he decided to lay down, still holding the phone to his ear. "I... I dont feel good..." he muttered, curling into a ball and clutching the pillow again. His mental pain outweighed the physical, which was surprising considering all the bruises and scrapes he had.

"I'm coming over, okay? Please, dont do anything rash... Or better yet, just stay on the phone with me until I get there." He wanted to make sure Mafuyu didnt cause any harm to himself.

Mafuyu simply sighed, closing his eyes. Maybe he could fall back asleep. It was the only solution he could think of. He covered his head with the blankets and basked in the warmth, once again finding comfort in the soft textures of the fabrics and the sentimental value of that pillow.

Uenoyama noticed Mafuyu going silent, and he decided to keep talking. He ranted about random things, trying to keep Mafuyu distracted while he walked there. He did this until he heard snoring, knowing Mafuyu obviously wasnt listening anymore.

He was so worried for his lover, not hanging up even when he knew he was asleep just in case he woke up. Fear gripped his heart in the most uncomfortable of ways as he hoped Mafuyu's wellbeing wasnt too harmed. What if he had bad thoughts? With the way Sato sounded on the phone, Uenoyama wouldnt be surprised if he did. All he could do was be there for him and hope he didnt act on anything like that... he loved Mafuyu way too much to let anything else happen to him, and was willing to help in any way he could.

He would never give up on protecting his love.

A/n: please dont expect me to update this regularly. I have gotten comments asking me to update, and while they dont bother me too much, I've been trying to be on the internet less lately and will not update this story often whatsoever.