Life was good. For the first seven years. Then mom dies and you're forced to live with a father that doesn't care at all. Will something good even come out of it or will you be forced to succumb to the thoughts?
black!reader
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It was a strange sense of deja vu; except this time you weren't staring at the glow in the dark stars that still lingered across the ceiling, you were staring at the back of your eyelids. Your thoughts still played loud in your head. They were like a playlist that was on repeat and you couldn't press the pause button. It was noisy but empty, if that made sense. A strange, but not unusual feeling to you. The demons crawled into your head, made it their home and decorated it. And you just couldn't find the strength to kick them out. The back of your eyelids became something you had grown accustomed to staring at. If you weren't awake and suffering at the will of your own mind, you were sleeping--hoping that your thoughts would turn off then. You couldn't see the light from the tv, but you could hear it. The 'f.r.i.e.n.d.s.' theme song was quite an interesting mix with the yells of 'no one cares,' 'you're invisible,' or 'just disappear.' But you couldn't sleep because the music was so damn loud. Apparently, the avengers retrieved the scepter and were celebrating. You were invited to attend by Natasha, but you didn't have the willpower; to talk to perverted business men all night or to get out of bed--either one. So you tried to ignore the sound of faint chatter and clinking glasses. Or maybe you would listen to it; it was undoubtedly better than whatever was going on inside your noggin. Time passed. You didn't know what time it was. Time is an illusion anyway. The days were all just one big blob of nothingness to you at this point. Everyday, you felt the same, did the same thing, thought the same thoughts. So what's the point of trying to tell whether the darkness you saw was from outside or from the back of your eyelids. The back of your eyelids. What a strange sense of deja vu... - Stars reminded you of Michelle. The two of you always watched the stars together. It was your thing. You'd never thought you'd have a thing with anyone. You were glad you had one with MJ. You opened your eyes. The stars that were stuck to the ceilings seemed like they grew dimmer over the years--just like your eyes. It was significantly quieter than it was before. You guessed everyone had homes to return to. What was a home? Your mom was your home. But she's gone now. Maybe Michelle could become your home. Yeah. She keeps you warm and you do the same for her. Maybe she could be your home. - Pounding footsteps were heard throughout the hall. As tired as you were, your curiosity won out. You slowly sat up despite your body's protest and made your way towards the door. Yeah, if you were in a horror movie, you definitely would've been dead by now. Just as you were about to reach out for the handle, the door flung open causing you to jump back. Looking up, your eyes connected with red ones. "You'll do just fine, little Stark." - The two former agents sped down the long halls of the tower. They reached the door and saw splinters all over the ground. Natasha slowly walked in on high alert. She and Clint searched around the room; the bathroom, closet, anywhere where someone could hide. The redhead faced her friend with a forlorn look on her face. Her head shook slowly. "She's gone." - You were in your room--your old room. There was music playing downstairs; Whitney Houston. An artist your mom would listen to during her free time. "Mom?" You ran down the steps into the kitchen and stood at the entryway. She stood with her back to you. Her fro was pulled into a messy puff and she was wearing her robe; the same robe you would wear as a cape. It smelled like french toast.You always ate french toast together on the second Saturday of the month. It was tradition. "Mom?" Her head lifted and she turned to face you. Instead of her glowing and blemish free skin and that beautiful, gentle smile, all you saw was a decaying body. The jaw was hanging by one side. It was as if tissue or muscle was stuck to her face and just gradually melting off. "Hi sweetheart." You gasped and backed into the well causing one of the paintings to fall. Your mom chuckled and when you looked back, her face was normal. "You're always so clumsy." Your breathing was still laboured. You watched as the woman you knew as a mother picked up the piece of art. It was the one she got from her mother--your grandmother. "You okay? You're looking a little flustered." She strode towards you and rested a hand on your cheek and then your forehead. You resisted the urge to flinch as her cold skin made contact with yours. "C'mon. Let's eat." Your body was on autopilot as you followed her to the counter. She passed you a plate and took a seat next to you. "Useless," was whispered and disappeared into the wind. You looked behind you with furrowed eyebrows and a frown. "You okay?" You glanced at your mom before nodding. "Yeah. Thought I heard something." "I'm glad I died." You whipped your head towards her and found the mummified version looking at you once again. You stood and set your fork down before running up the stairs. You entered the bathroom and locked the door before sliding down the far wall. The door was thrown open before her figure flew over to you. - Your eyes shot open and you sat up with a gasp. Everything hurt. It all hurt. Frantically, you pushed yourself to the corner of whatever room you were in regardless of what the throb of your head was telling you. The rocks began crunching as if someone was walking on them. Your head whipped around in every direction trying to figure out where the noise was coming from. "Your father took everything from us." "Yeah. Well he's a taker not a giver." Your mom always told you your mouth would get you in trouble. You just hoped she wasn't right at this moment. Looking up, you were met with two pairs of eyes; one a woman the other a man. They both seemed significantly older than you. The woman walked closer and bent down in front of you and her eyes started glowing red. You began hyperventilating, praying she wouldn't harm you. She lifted her hand to your temple and rested her fingers there. "It's time we get our revenge." All you saw was a decaying body. The jaw was hanging by one side. It was as if tissue or muscle was stuck to her face and just gradually melting off. "Hi sweetheart." - Your head was pounding and your neck was killing you. Groaning, you craned your neck and searched your surroundings. Hands touched your shoulders gently. But it didn't matter how gentle it was because you didn't want anyone touching you with their hands that could kill you with the right movements. You swatted them away from you--with your own hands that didn't stand a chance against a lot of people. "Woah, hey, hey, hey. Kid, calm down." Rubbing your eyes, you looked around as your vision cleared. In front of you stood Clint. His face was decayed; just like your mom's. You scrambled back and curled up in the corner of the corner closest to you. "Hey. You're safe. You're okay," he said gently. Your gaze transferred from one area of the jet to another frantically. You wanted something to stand out at you; make it's obnoxiousness force the visual of it in your brain. Anything would be better than seeing her face like that. You didn't even notice the archer moving closer to you until he rested his hand on your shoulder. You flinched hard and gently pushed it off of you. Clint nodded in understanding and continued to kneel in front of you. "We're about 15 minutes from a safe house, alright? You can eat something and then rest there. That okay?" Nodding your head, you leaned back against the wall and took a deep breath, trying to calm your racing heart. The most powerful thing you knew of was Cap's shield. Seems like that witch was taking that spot. - True to Clint's word, the jet landed less than 15 minutes later. You were the last out although Steve did end up waiting for you. His hand landed on your shoulder and when you turned to look at it, all you saw was bones and tissue. You stumbled back and hit your back on the quinjet. The supersoldier looked at you with worried eyes before slowly walking away. You watched the backs of the superheroes get smaller as they walked towards the porch of the safe house. Is that what they were? Heroes? Everyone always described them as these indestructible beings that would always be there to help civilians and save the day. But who was going to save them? They didn't look so indestructible. They just looked like a group of people with the weight of the world--no universe on their shoulders. Watching everyone enter the house, you decided to follow a moment later. Cap, ever the gentleman he was, held the door open for you and let it shut once you slipped inside. "I know all your names," the woman who stood next to the archer said. She scanned the group before her eyes landed on you, her head tilting slightly. You tuned out the rest of the conversation as you looked around the house--no home. It looked like a home. Not some model house that some cookie cutter family lives in. A home where parents were raising their children to be themselves and nurturing them with love and care. The room wasn't spotless. There were legos and toys on the floor. It didn't smell like cleaning supplies. It smelt like a homemade meal; one that would make any stress from the day just melt away. A hand tugged on the sleeve of your shirt causing you to glance down. It looked just like the other ones; just a decaying, withering hand. You flinched in response and quietly stepped away, not wanting to cause a scene. Rubbing your eyes, you looked down and saw a little girl that didn't even seem the slightest bit fazed by your little episode. "Can you play dollies with me?" "Actually," Clint cut in. "She needs to rest. (Y/n) can play after a nap, alright?" The little girl nodded and went to minding her business. The archer placed a gentle hand on your back and you tensed under his touch. You heard him whisper to his wife before the two led you up stairs. "You good to clean yourself up?" You grabbed the towel and extra clothes out of his hands and sat them down on the bathroom counter. "I'm fine, Clint," you muttered while pushing him out of the room. - You sat in the bed of the spare room that Clint's wife, who you learned was Laura, said that you could stay in. A knock reverberated through the room, the sound of the door opening following suit. You felt a dip in the bed, but you refused to look up from the spot on the covers. You didn't want to see a decaying face. You didn't want to see someone dead. You didn't want that image stuck in your brain like a starred picture on google photos. You didn't want to give your mind a chance to somehow twist it all around--inside, over and out--and convince you that it was all your fault. You just wanted to have a few seconds of peace instead of the roaring tides that were washing through your head, even if it was false. "What did she make you see?" You swiped your tongue over your dry lips and shook your head. "I don't know what you're talking about." There was a moment of silence and continued to mess with the unraveling thread in the blanket. "Look at me then." You hesitated, but eventually lifted your head. "I said look at me, not at the wall. Look at me." Taking a deep breath your lip began to tremble. "Please." "Don't make me do it," you whispered. A hand was turning you towards her before you could even stop it, but you managed to close your eyes. "Whatever she showed you is not real. I'm here and I always will be." You only saw her ivory skin and forest green eyes. There were no visible bones or muscles. Just her red hair and sad smile. Your eyes fitted around her face, making sure that it wasn't a cruel trick your mind was trying to play on you. Natasha lovingly patted your cheek and pressed a light kiss to your forehead. "Let's get some rest, alright?" - You couldn't rest, long story short. It was so noisy up there and you just couldn't get it to calm down. Every time you closed your eyes, somebody's dead body was infiltrating your mind. Whether it was Clint or his kids, Natasha or MJ. MJ. Oh shit. You threw the covers off your body and slowly lifted yourself from the bed. Making your way downstairs, you heard some chatter coming from near the kitchen. "I thought you were dead." A hand immediately flew up to your mouth as if that would stop the words that already came out of your mouth. Muttering a 'my bad' you walked up towards the group of adults while simultaneously scanning your surroundings. "I am," replied Fury. Clearing your throat you took in a deep breath. But before you could speak, somebody beat you to it. "What are you doing here, kid?" You rolled your eyes and prepared to talk. "Does anyone have a phone I can borrow?" Practically everyone raised their eyebrows at you in confusion. You let out a sigh and started wringing your hands "I-I need to call MJ. Please." When it was clear that desperation was shining through your eyes, Laura was quick to get up. "Sure, honey." Everyone else was left confused. "Who the hell is MJ?" Laura gave you a phone and told you, you could call from the couch. You were swift to dial her phone number and bring the device to your ear. You bit your lip, waiting for your friend to pick up which she did after the fourth ring. "Who is this?" While you were grateful the phone was picked up, it wasn't who you wanted to answer. "I-it's (y/n). I-i-i'm just calling from a d-different number. I-Is M-MJ home?" You knew all the adults were staring at you and as much as it made your skin itch and crawl, you didn't care about it as much as you cared about talking to MJ. There was shuffling on the other side so you could only assume that her mother was traveling around their apartment. "Thank goodness. I thought you died or something," she chuckled. A smile rose to your face before you could even think about it. "I mean, close but no." "I-You know what? I'm not even gonna ask." "It'll probably be on the news by the end of this week anyway." You had finally relaxed into the couch and pulled your knees to your chest. You could still feel them staring holes in your skull and it was making you feel like you were exposed and vulnerable. It was silent for a moment before you heard MJ let out a sigh. "Are you okay?" "I-I don't know." "Do you wanna come over and talk about it?" You let out a hum before answering, "I can't" "Why? A-are you hurt? If so, I can come over there and-" "No. I literally cannot-" "It's not a big deal. I can-" "I'm in another state." There was a pause on the other side of the call. "Or country. I-I don't know where I am." You heard the girl clear her throat before taking a deep breath, obviously processing what you just told her. "So that's what you meant when you said-" "Yeah..." You clicked your tongue a couple of times, wondering what was going through Michelle's head at the moment as the silence lingered. "I guess you're not in Kansas anymore." You let out a small chuckle, something you only seemed to do in MJ's presence. "No longer in Kansas." The conversation could no longer continue as you heard your friend's mom yell for her. "Well, I gotta go." "Yeah, I guess I'll talk to you later." The two of you never said 'goodbye' to each other not wanting it to feel like it was the ending of something. You handed the phone back to Clint's wife and made your trek back to the stairs before you stopped. "Where am I exactly?" The archer blinked owlishly at you while you stared at him with a raised eyebrow. You shrugged before continuing your way to the room you were staying in. "Eh. I'll figure it out." "What's that even supposed to mean?" "You'll see." - They left. Again. Not surprising. You should be used to it by now. They had people to save anyway. It was late at night and you couldn't sleep--what's new? You didn't want to bother anyone but you just couldn't stand the commotion. You couldn't stand that being the only thing you're focused on. You decided to go to the kitchen to see if Laura needed help with anything considering she did just have a whole team of unexpected guests. The scene downstairs, kind of seemed... upsetting to you. The lights were dimmed, it was quiet, and the woman you were searching for was hunched over a cup of tea. "Are you okay?" Stupid question. The brunette's head snapped up and she met your gaze. Her eyes held a melancholy undertone in them and you just couldn't imagine what was swirling in her mind. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." You took a seat next to her on the couch and fiddled with your hands. "I just... worry sometimes, you know?" "Yeah. Clint can be an idiot sometimes." You both shared a chuckle but the deafening silence still returned. The air flowing through the home could be heard. You could probably hear the kids' breathing if you tried hard enough. "Why are you still up?" "Why are you still up? Isn't that like, bad for the baby or something?" Through the corner of your sight, you could see Laura shaking her head at you as a small smile danced across her lips. "I asked first." You let out a sigh and shrugged your shoulders. "Just...couldn't sleep I guess." The woman nods in response and takes a sip of her tea. It was obvious to her that something else was on your mind but she didn't pry and you were thankful for that. Instead, she just grabbed the remote and turned the television on, an episode from the sitcom Living Single playing quietly. A weight was felt on Laura's shoulder and she looked down to see the young teenager resting with small breaths escaping her parted lips. The woman was careful to free an arm and wrap it around your shoulders, you subconsciously snuggling in further. - Walking down the halls of the compound, you searched all the doors. As you reached one, you raised your fist to knock only for the door to fly open before you could. You clear your throat before looking towards the ground. "May I, may I come in?" The person nods and you hesitantly step inside the room and take a seat at the desk. "I'm sorry about your brother." "Me too," Wanda nods. There was this awkward, tense silence that just floated through the room that seemed almost impossible to get rid of. It was suffocating. "I'm sorry about the uhhh, whole mind thing." You too nodded in response and gave your reassurance, your mind focused on her accent. It was comforting to say the least. It had been at least two weeks after the whole ultron thing. Tony was obviously oblivious to what happened to you. When he ignored or neglected you, it was like a paper cut--never acknowledged or thought about until something provokes it. You had passed the witch a few times in passing, but never truly held a conversation with her. You knew of the passing of her brother and you knew how hard it was--is to lose a loved one. Especially if that loved one was the only one that made you feel like you weren't completely and utterly alone. "I know it's not my place to say but," you paused to take a deep breath. "Don't let this hold you back. I-I was never given the chance to grieve my m-mom properly and, and I don't want what happened to me to happen to you, I guess." At this point, you felt like you were just spitballing. You figured she already knew what was going on in your head so why not just be open about it. "And I'm pretty sure the others will come around. Clint seemed to like you." The corner of Wanda's mouth lifted a little and she gave a breathy laugh. "And I guess, I like you too." "Thanks." You took a moment to gather yourself before heading towards the door. "I guess I'll see you around." - "So to recap, you were kidnapped by a robot with murderous tendencies, got your mind manipulated by an enhanced individual, and now you're living and somewhat acquaintances with said 'enhanced individual'." "Yeah, that's about it." Michelle chuckled in response and shook her head in disbelief. "That's crazy." You shrugged with a frown and scooted closer to her. Your shoulders were touching but neither of you moved. "Eh, I'm kind of getting used to the crazy." You were watching the stars on the roof of her building again. MJ brought some snacks and a blanket which the two of you were currently snuggled up in. The food was eaten quite quickly and silence was quick to wash over the two of you. But the silence wasn't like it was with Wanda or even Laura. With MJ it was a peaceful and serene moment; like the two of you were in this indestructible bubble that only you two were allowed in. With her you felt safe. You turned your head towards Michelle only to find her already looking at you. Both of your faces heated up but neither of you could look away. Instead, grins rose to both of your faces before the girl pulled you closer to her. Yeah. Michelle was home.
