Nothing For Me

Part 10 (finale rewrite)

     Natasha watched as Tony stumbled out of the ship.
     "Couldn't stop him," the billionaire muttered.
     "Neither could I," Steve replied.
     "I lost the kid."
     The black widow stopped listening then. She knew better than to let her emotions cloud her judgement, especially at a time like this, but at this point, she didn't think she could help it.
     Chuckling bitterly, the woman turned around to walk back into the compound.
     "Not even worried about your own child."
-
     "It's been 23 days since Thanos came to Earth," Rhodey stated.
     "World governments are in pieces. The parts that are still working are trying to take a census. And it looks like he did..." Natasha trailed off seeing your face pop up on the screen. "He did exactly what he said he was gonna do. Thanos wiped out fifty percent of all living creatures."
     The woman glanced back at Tony watching as he went at it with Steve. She couldn't be bothered to listen to what anyone else was saying. Because there was something else running around in her mind.
     Right now, she was cursing herself. She was cursing herself for being so guarded all the time. She was cursing herself for coming off so cold and emotionless.
     She was cursing herself because she let her stupid fears and the stupid trauma get in the way of so many things. She let it get in the way of you.
     Natasha saw your constant ups and downs; many of them caused by her knucklehead of a 'teammate'. But she was too scared to step up because she kept listening to those ridiculous questions that circled through her head.
     What if I'm not enough?
     What if I'm not what she needs?
     All of those little 'what ifs' had gotten in the way of your relationship. She should've tried harder. She wished she held you longer that last time.
     But she could no longer dwell on the past for you were gone. All she hoped was that you went out with no pain.
     When Scott told Nat about the plan, she was all for it immediately. Anything to get everyone back; to get you back.
     They convinced everyone to join.
     They did the test runs.
     Everyone was given an assignment.
     She and Clint got to Vormir.
     And she whispered those cursed words.
     Let me go.
     Anything for you.
-
     Steve didn't really know you. And to be honest, you were hardly ever on his mind.
     "Is, uh..." he watched as Tony struggled to get the words out of his mouth.
     When Pepper ran up to him, Steve saw how the billionaire's shoulders slumped in relief. That was the first time you crossed his mind since the separation of the team.
     He regrets that. Especially as he sees your face flash across the screen along with the other half of the population who vanished.
     The pang that hit his chest was a pain he hadn't felt in a while. He remembers the first time he saw you, looking into the half established Shawarma, obviously searching for a familiar face. He saw as you visibly deflated and walked away.
     At the time, Steve didn't think much of it. Hell, he never really thought of it. Not until now.
     Right now, he was getting a glimpse into your world; a peek into a world where your father seemed to care about everyone but you. Steve watched as he fretted over Pepper. He saw Tony's distress about losing that Peter kid. But not once did he ask about his own child. The child who had been living with him longer than the Avengers had been assembled.
     The captain couldn't help but feel frustration towards the philanthropist.
     He had a chance to create a family--something outside of the superhero world. But he didn't take that chance. Tony simply ignored it for whatever reason and never looked back.
     The anger wasn't on his mind for long, though.
     Steve saw Peggy.
     And everything else floated to the back of his mind while his previous life came to the front at full force.
     Her hair that perfectly framed her face. The lips he always wanted to kiss. His decision was made then.
     If this mission was successful--if the universe could get back their happy endings, then maybe, just maybe, he could be selfish for once and get back his.
-
     When you came into Tony's life at the ripe age of...well, he didn't know how old you were.
     He didn't know when your birthday was. He didn't know what you were allergic to. He didn't know what your favorite food was. He didn't know what your hobbies were.
     The list could go on and on and on. He didn't know these things because he never took interest.
     Tony didn't know how, but Obidiah convinced him to take you in. By the end of Obidiah's journey, it was obvious he was a horrible person so therefore he must have horrible judgement. Or at least that's how the billionaire saw it.
     He never understood why he let himself be swayed so easily in the first place. The only reasonable explanation was that he was drunk off his ass that day, causing his guard to be down.
     Tony wasn't a family man. Never was and never would be.
     Or so he thought.
     Eventually, he met Pepper. That woman honestly changed his life for the better. He was still a billionaire and philanthropist, but playboy had been crossed off of the list.
     He was no longer drinking his days away and he wasn't (as) irresponsible.
     Then he gained the avengers, who he saw as family (though he would never admit it).
     Through his work, he found Peter, who he took under his wing and mentored. The teenager was like a son to him.
     Hearing Peter's last words as they faded into nothing broke the heart Tony thought he didn't have. He sat in that spaceship with his mind wandering, thinking that if he had done more, Peter would still be here. He didn't even want to think about Pepper's fate. If he did, he wasn't sure that he would've lasted.
     You were the last person on his mind and it would probably remain that way forever.
     He wasn't thinking about you on that ship.
     He wasn't thinking about you when he saw Pepper.
     But when that list was showing the different people who had been dusted, it's like his already fragile body could have given out right then and there.
     Thousands of thoughts and questions filled his mind.
     He didn't know what you looked like. How old were you? When was the last time he saw you face to face?
     There wasn't much time left to dwell on it as he continued to argue with Cap and soon collapsed.
     The next five years was a weird period for him.
     He had Morgan.
     Tony didn't know why, but he suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to have kids.
     Maybe it was to quiet the guilt he slowly felt bubbling up. Maybe it was because he wanted to have a second chance at fatherhood; to prove to himself and others that he was nothing like his father.
      Eventually, you were at the back of his mind once again.
-
     Wanda wished she had more time with you. In the real world, that is. Not in this...dimension thing half of the universe was stuck in now.
     You were the only one who really ever made an effort to make her feel comfortable.
     The two of you got close enough to where she opened up to you about Pietro, her parents, and gradually, her life in Sokovia.
     In return, you told her about your mother, her death, and Michelle.
     Then, Wanda couldn't explain it. As your relationship grew, she found this strong urge to protect you from any harm that could ever possibly come your way.
     Even though you were both faced with this unfortunate outcome, she still tried her hardest to keep that silent promise.
     She was your protector and she'd be damned if you became another person she lost.
-
     Peter was at a crossroad. On one hand, he felt bad for you. He saw how you were practically neglected in a home you were forced to stay in and he was taking away the little attention you had.
     On the other hand, he wasn't too sure he cared. I mean, he earned this opportunity fair and square. He used the powers he gained and the smarts he had to help people. But, you didn't do anything to help. You just moped in his opinion.
     That's what he kept telling himself at least. Sure it's a little selfish and harsh, but it's the truth. Right?
-
     You didn't know how long it had been. There was no day nor was there night. It was just this length of time that was impossible to measure.
     You never got tired either. But you wanted to sleep. You wanted to sleep so you could wake back up and prove that this is all some super crazy dream.
     Currently, you were sitting next to Michelle, her head resting on your shoulder. It was really all you could do these days; talk with everyone and just soak in the fact that not one person knew what was going on to a full extent.
     "(Y/n)?" MJ muttered.
     You turned to look at her and saw that she was disappearing right in front of your eyes. Again.
     "Wh-what. Michelle."
     You whipped around seeing that it was happening to everybody else. They were all turning to dust. They were all gone and you watched as every person disintegrated one by one until you were the only one left.
     "No, no," you mumbled, looking at your body seeing that nothing was turning to ash. You were still whole.
     "Fulfil your duty, my child."
-
     You shot up from...wherever you were. You surveyed your surroundings and saw that you were in your room. But it was dark. How the hell did you even get back here?
     Just as you were rising from your bed, there was a loud whistle, followed by a flash of light.
     A missile.
     Your arms shot up over your head in a useless effort to protect yourself. Your legs crumpled underneath you not being able to hold the weight of your body and the rubble that crashed down.
     If anyone were to ask you about this moment in the future, you would have described it as a flicker. Because it was as if as soon as your eyes opened, they were forced closed in the next second.
-
     The next time you opened your eyes, all you heard was ringing. The second thing you noticed was the pain that radiated through your body. It was hard to breathe and you felt like you couldn't move.
     As you continued to wheeze, you could feel the air getting clouded with more and more dust and knew you had to get out.
     At first, you tried just moving your legs. It hurt like hell, but they weren't stuck which made you sigh in relief. When you attempted the same thing with your arms, searing, hot pain flared through them.
     You couldn't help but cry out. Tears immediately started pouring out of their eyes, overwhelmed at the sensation. You couldn't dwell on it, much longer as more of the crumbled structure started to move.
     Taking a shuddering breath, you assessed your surroundings to see if there was another solution. Seeing a slight opening not to far away, you decided to just say fuck it.
     You curled your legs up, ready to stand and with a deep inhale, moved your arms behind you. As soon as you began to push yourself up, you let out a scream at the pain that followed. But you couldn't focus on that. Not right now. You had to get out of here now that you had something to live for.
     After what felt like hours, your head was near the hole and you were on your knees. With another breath in preparation, you moved your arms out first, then slowly pulled yourself up. Slowly, but surely, you were able to stand, but you didn't think you could get much further than that.
     "Help!" you yelled. "Help! Somebody, please!"
     Sobs wracked through your body as the pain became worse and more noticeable. Your body felt heavier and you knew your legs wouldn't be able to hold on much longer.
     Just as they were about to give out, you felt hands grip under your arms and gently pull you out from the rubble. You saw a glimpse of red and yellow before your eyes fluttered shut, once again.
-
     A faint beeping registered in your ears as you slowly woke up with a groan.
     You tried to move your arm but was stopped by an unfamiliar hand gently pushing it down.
     "I wouldn't do that if I were you."
     Your eyes slowly opened but quickly clenched back shut, due to the bright, white light. After a while, you try again and see that you were in a hospital room. There was a tray in the corner, resting on a cart. The counter and sink was right across from it. You stared longingly at the pitcher of water that was sitting there.
     A cup was then in your line of sight and you felt your bed being lifted.
     "Here, take a sip," the blonde spoke.
     You glanced between the woman and the cup skeptically before you eventually moved yourself towards the latter to drink the water.
     Once you were finished, she set the cup down and watched as you stared at her.
     "Who are you?" you ask hoarsely.
     "Carol. Carol Danvers."
     "You're that...that umm..Marvel chick aren't you? Fury's right hand...well left eye," you messily mutter. If you had made that joke in front of the Captain Marvel any other day, you would've deleted your entire existence.
     Thankfully, the woman just chuckles it off before nodding in confirmation. Just as she opened her mouth to speak, a doctor came in.
     "How are you feeling, Miss Stark?"
     You internally cringed at the name but ignored it for now.
     "Fine," you croak out. Before they could say anything else, you interrupted. "Can you...can you just..layman's terms. Please?"
     The doctor watches you for a moment before letting out a sigh.
     "Well...your left leg was fractured. A couple of bruised ribs and..." they trail off.
     "Come on. Spit it out."
     "There was some...pretty severe nerve damage in both hands along with a couple of fingers being broken."
     You simply nodded, too tired to even think about what that meant for you. The time between your eyes closing and blinking open was gradually increasing as the dul chatter between the doctor and Carol droned on. Soon, you were once again in the land of darkness.
-
     When you woke up next, Carol was no longer there, but MJ was sitting in her place, gently holding onto your arm.
     "Michelle," you whispered.
     Her head snapped up and her teary eyes met yours. She quickly stood and rested a hand on your forehead, pushing back the hair that laid there.
     "Are you okay? Do you need anything? Water? Food?"
     Shaking your head, you leaned into her touch, grateful to feel her warmth instead of the cold chill you had become accustomed to...wherever you had been before.
     "No..just-just you is fine. 'S more than enough."
     Michelle gave a teary smile before leaning down to press a small peck on your lips.
     "Then I'll stay here."
     Visitors came when they could. It had been five years and everywhere, especially the hospitals, had been impacted. It was a miracle that you were even able to get treatment as quickly as you did.
     Natasha was the first to explain to you that it had been that long since half of the population  not only on Earth but the entire universe, had been snapped out of existence. Some purple madman that preached something about balance (you didn't really remember, because you were hardly paying attention after she mentioned how long you had been gone).
     She was also the one to gently inform you that Tony had moved on during that time, starting a family. Turns out, you had a half-sister who didn't even know that you existed. What Natasha told you just solidified the choice to do what you'd been thinking about since you were merely fifteen.
     Wanda was there whenever MJ wasn't. Unfortunately, she still had to attend school since you were both still technically seventeen.
     The witch was your shoulder to cry on and vice versa. You would rant to her about how Tony had treated you like some forgotten leftovers while she would talk about her times with Vision. It was a lovely dynamic the two of you had.
     Carol had only come once. She said she just wanted to let you know that she was leaving and that if you ever needed her, to just call her. The woman proceeded to hand you some device that you had absolutely no clue how to work, but you were sure you would figure it out sooner or later.
     Eventually, you were discharged. You switched between Wanda, Natasha, and Michelle's places. They took you to therapy and helped you back on your feet.
     But things were going anything but smoothly with your hands. They wouldn't stop fucking shaking and it made you feel useless.
     You could no longer tweek with gadgets or type at your usual fast speed. You could no longer enjoy your hands through MJ's hair peacefully and you could barely gather the strength to hold certain things in fear of breaking them.
     One weekend morning when Michelle's parents were out, the two of you were hanging out in the kitchen. Your girlfriend had gone to quickly use the restroom.
     You glanced around the room and slowly made your way to a cabinet, pulling out a mug. You carefully placed it on the counter and wiped your shaky hands on your pants. Strategically, you grabbed the kettle that was filled with boiling water and poured it into the mug.
     You bit your lip in anticipation as you watched it fill up. Once it did, you put the kettle down and grabbed a tea bag, dropping it in the cup. Just as you were about to pick it up to take a sip, your hand shook particularly hard, hitting the cup and causing it to fall on the floor, shattering everywhere.
     Tears immediately pooled in your eyes as you stared at your failed attempt.
     "(Y/n)? Are you okay?"
     Michelle jogged out of the restroom, back towards the kitchen.
    "I'm sorry," you muttered, crossing your arms over your chest.
    The girl shushed you and gently pulled you away from the glass.
     "It's okay, it's okay. It was just an accident."
     You dropped your head onto her shoulder and cried into her shirt. You were just so tired and frustrated and wanted this all to be over.
     "I'm so sorry, I'm sorry," you seemed to mumble over and over again.
     "Hey," Mj whispered, cupping your cheeks and lifting your head up so you could look at her. "We're gonna get through this. Alright? And I'm gonna be right here through the whole thing. I got you. Okay?"
    You meekly nodded before she pressed a loving kiss to your lips, allowing you to bury your face in her neck again.
     You didn't know what your future would be like. At age five, it was one thing and then, you still had your mother. At age ten, you weren't even sure you would have a future. Even now, you didn't know what would happen with your shaky hands and currently unstable life.
     What you did know was that Michelle was going to be there. The two of you were going to be there together, side by side, jumping over every obstacle.