You Came to Me

15. Ananke

Published: July 19th, 2021.

Word Count: 2,751

Madrid. November, 1975.

- "She's getting bad again." Maria said from the living room, which I could hear from inside my bedroom.

- "Maria, you know this is how your sister deals with her issues, leave her be." My mother told her.

- "She's never been like this for so long."

- "Well, maybe she just needs more time."

- "Why do I feel like I am I the only one who cares? Locking yourself in a room deprived of any life is not how you resolve issues."

- "Maria," my mother said in a rather serious tone "she has always been like this. We have been told that when she needs her distance it is our duty to give it to her, so that's what we're going to do."

- "It's been almost a month, it can't be good for her. If something's happened and it's very serious then maybe she'll go back to.."

- "Maria, no." My mother said matter-of-factly. "She stopped with that long ago. You know how she feels about it."

- "I'm just saying it's a possibility that she could start again."

- "She's passed that, the doctor gave her other techniques to use and she does, there is no need to worry."

- "I do worry, how do you not?"

- "Maria, you know she always comes outs of these spells, we just have to wait."

- "She always comes out by a thread. Have you even tried to help her?"

- "I am doing what I have been told to. She needs her space and time alone, so it is my job as her parent to give her that."

- "You are an accomplice if she were to do anything, you know that right?"

- "Maria, stop talking like that." She demanded as she raised her voice, she spoke as if she was offended by Marias comment. "Luisita has not had it easy, but she knows we're always here if or when she needs us."

- "Well, you might be able to just sit by and hope she gets better, but I'm going to at least try and stop her from rotting in that room."

- "If I knew what to do I would do it in a second, this is all I know how."

- "You could start by maybe trying to think of other ways to help her while I'm out."

- "Where are you going?" My mother asked eagerly.

- "To try and figure out what's caused her to become like this." I heard Maria reply as the front door closed aggressively.

Hearing my families muffled conversations through my bedroom door has become my new way of communicating with them. The past three and a half weeks have consisted of me waking up, going to the radio station, coming back home, going to straight to my bedroom, and finding something to eat after everyone has gone to bed. My life is on pause and I can't see it resuming any time soon.

My situation with Amelia feels like if you had just won the lottery and your cash prize has been set on fire and it's all burning in front of your eyes, only you were the one who started the fire. It is always I who causes these "spells"; I seem to be a bad decision maker.

I've thought a lot in these weeks about all details of my life, not just Amelia, however, she does seem to be my brains main focus. I've replayed our night under the full moon together more times than is healthy. In the replays, sometimes I imagine it all differently than what happened. I think of what would've happened if I had said other things, or if Amelia did. I think of how I should've done a better job at savoring her touches if I would've knew they were going to be my first and last.