In a Big, Big World

Chapter 6

The week dragged on and all I could think about was this weekend. All I could think about was Kristian. His eyes. His smile. His lips. I don't know what the teacher was talking about because I was obviously in dream land. I just wanted to know where I was going this weekend with Kristian. I wonder if he would ever kiss me or even... no Raven no. I shook the thought out of my head. I was getting out of line. It was just a date. No biggy.
"RAVEN!"
I looked up with the teacher in my face. "Raven, if you want to pass my class, I would pay attention"
"Yes sir"
He walked away and i went back to daydreaming.
***
I got off the bus on a hot Friday. One more day until my date with Kristian. I walked in my front door and saw my mom in the Kitchen with a man in a tie, he sure sure did look important and by the look on my moms face I guess it was. She looked pale and had a cup of coffee in her hand. She was gripping it hard and her hands were turning white.
"Hey mom whats going on?"
She opened her mouth then closed it. I looked over to the man across the counter and he had papers that had my name on it.
I walked over and without a word, he handed me the papers.
I looked at my mom first and she looked unsure but then sipped her coffee and said.
"Go ahead" she said quietly.
I looked down and opened the file. I saw a scan of my brain and some fancy big long words under certain categories. I moved the scans and looked at more papers in the stack. I saw a couple of words I knew but I still didn't get why this man was here and why my mom looked so worried. I finally looked up at both at them.
"So, what is this about?"
There was a long silence. I couldnt stand it.
"Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on!" I yelled.
The man looked at my mother then me.
"I'm Dr. Booth, and I'm a neurosurgeon. I help with brain-"
"Ok so whats the point" i said impatiently.
"Raven, they found a tumor in your brain. Its about the size of a grape right now. But if it grows any bigger than a golf ball, it will kill you" this time it was my mother who spoke.
And yes, I was shocked. I didn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it. But it was right in front of me. The scans. The docter. The truth. I couldn't breathe. My body wasn't letting the air out of my lungs and I felt like I was going to collapse. Before I knew it, my legs were taking me up the stairs into my room. I shut the door. I locked it. I slid down the door and ended up on my butt with my head tucked into my knees. I didn't know what I was doing. Or thinking. All I could do was sit there. I wasn't crying. I don't know why either. I should have been. You would to if you figured out you are going to die. I just sat there. Paralyzed.
I finally lifted my head. It was dark outside. How long did I sit here? I got up, and went into the bathroom. My eyes were red & puffy. I guess I was crying. My hair a tangled mess from my hands intertwining with it. I ran my hands under some cold water and threw it on my face. I didn't know what to think. Or feel. I was still in shock. But I came back to reality when I looked in the mirror. I was still me. I didn't look different. I didn't feel different. At least not yet. And until that point comes I don't want to sit in my room moping everywhere. Depressed and sad. No. If I only have a little while to live, I am going to make the best of it. Take risks. Fall in love. See places I've never seen. Do things I've never done. I was going to make my last days count.