Moonhawk

Chapter 14 - Moving On

"If... if you'll excuse me, I-I need a moment for myself." It was difficult for Hawk to deal with this situation. Seeing Slimey lying like that there in Shepps arms, to bear that misery was way too much for him. Knowing he lost one crew member made him lose hope slightly. Tears started to show up as Hawk decided to go into his Captain's room, to collect his emotions.

Moon quietly watched him walking the path back to his room, so was everyone else, but she wasn't sure if she should follow him, to give him the support he currently was needing. A supportive hand was felt on her back, and she looked behind her, it was the doctor. "It's hard for a Captain to lose a crew member. Go follow him, I'll take care of everything in the meanwhile."

Her visor looked over for the last time to the lime-tinted bean, after she nodded to The Doc's words and whispered: "Goodbye, Slimey."

Moon stood up and walked slowly to Hawks room. As she arrived, the bean took a breath. The emotions she felt inside were still chaotic and crazy but for Hawk, she tried her best to stay calm as she went without a warning in the room. The door opened very quietly, and he didn't hear her coming in yet. Moon saw him standing there, in front of the table. Both of his hands leaned on it, and he held his head down. Moon whisked her coming tears away, as she saw him like that, walked slowly forward to him but Hawk heard those steps.

"Moon, may I ask you something?" Hawk didn't turn around as he spoke but looked now through the big window and observed the stars. Before Moon could reply, he continued without her agreement: "Am... am I doing my job as Captain right?"

Moon was confused by his question. She couldn't believe the words she just heard come out of Hawks mouth. "What?"

"I asked if I'm doing my job right?" Frustration was clearly heard in his current tone of voice and Moon's heart and emotions literally broke as he was saying that.

"Hawk, I -"

"I knew it." Hawk suddenly interrupted her; he didn't give her the time to finish her sentences. "I knew it. I am not a good Captain..."

"Hawk, y-you didn't let me finish my answer. That was not what I was about to say."

She was right, Hawk didn't let her finish the sentences she was about to say. He felt the guilt rising up as he realized it afterwards. "I'm sorry. I didn't intend to - it's just -" Totally dismayed, he stopped talking and went silent, staring down to the table again. He didn't want to hurt her with his current words he said. It's probably already enough for her to see him that way.

"Hawk, listen to me." Moon quietly said. "You aren't a bad Captain. Please, snap out of your negative thoughts. They aren't healthy for you."

He seriously tried as Moon advised him that, but they always found a way back. Slightly increasing headaches also started to bother him. Hawk felt the need to cry in hope, those negative thoughts would get away and better, if he did. But he just didn't want to. Something deep inside told him that it didn't feel right. His lungs held a pressure on him as he tried to avoid this feeling and he was finding his breathing was getting more difficult.

Moon instantly noticed that he was trying to avoid that certain feeling and carefully walked over to him. She laid her left hand on his chest and felt his heartbeat, the other hand was placed on his back, her head leaned against his left body side. As Hawk felt her sensitive hand on his chest, he automatically held hers with his right hand back. He no longer could keep the sadness inside him and started to cry, a lot of tears flowed from his visor.

"It's fine Hawk, let it all out." Moon softly encouraged him, and she didn't need to say it twice even though she started to cry as well.

"Moon." Being full of sadness was a completely different experience for the captain. He mostly could've managed to hide it from others, but this time it was impossible.