The Villain in Whose Story (Phosie Fanfic)

015

"Drowning"

"Grief is like the ocean, it comes in waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim."

-Vicki Harrison

Josie POV

     I used to read a lot of storybooks when I was younger, sometimes I still do. But I've leaned into more mature genres that are very different from the former. But they both have one thing in common, how they describe grief. They usually describe it as physical pain. They would describe how the character's chest ached and tears ran down their face. Or the character shakes when they see the person's body or they have a breakdown when they see it. But a big part is crying, the character is usually seen sobbing or wailing for their lost one. But the reality is nothing like these fairytales. 

   Hope didn't have an immediate reaction, she just stared blankly at the spot where her mom was previously. It was like she was in shock and couldn't comprehend that her mother wasn't there anymore. It was like her whole body was numb and she was staring out at the real world through a thick fog. She just mindlessly walked back to her room and just stood in the middle of her room. Penelope had gone in and slept with her just in case she had nightmares or just to be there for her. I don't why but I had a burning sensation to join them. But I knew I couldn't. 

    I went to my room and lay on my bed just staring at the window. I watched as the raindrops move down and sometimes connecting with one another. It wasn't until a few hours later that I heard a scream. I sat up and quickly rushed over to the sound. I just ran and ran towards the sound not really seeing where I was going. When I finally stopped I was face to face with a brown door with the number 58 in gold letters. Penelope and Hope's room, great. I knock on the door and step back waiting for it to open. 

   I hear footsteps and more screaming. The door swings open and Penelope is standing in the doorway with a panicked expression. "Come in. Please help I don't know how to help her." She steps back and I step into the room. My eyes quickly find the source of the screaming. It was Hope. It was like a tsunami of pain had been building in Hope and only now had hit her. She just laid on the floor writhing with pain as she screamed for her mom. It was like she was broken. I remember when I had gone through this. But as bad as mine was her's had to be worst, for I didn't know my mom, therefore I didn't lose her twice. But Hope not only knew her mom but she had a close relationship with her mom and she had just lost her for a second time. I didn't think the situation would escalate quickly but it did, and I would remember this moment forever.

------------------------------------

TW: Suicidal thoughts, self-harm. If these topics are a sensitive subject then please skip until you see the underlined bolded text.

Hope POV

   I just laid on the floor thinking of what had happened today. I felt weak, shaky. I couldn't breathe, I just laid there, unable to move a single part of my body, except the single tear falling down my face. I screamed. I didn't know if it was a scream for help or a scream of emotion- so that I could feel something. It was as if I had no control over my own body. My head was aching, every part of me felt weak and exhausted. My mind was split into two, both sides fighting for dominance. It's all your fault. Fuck off. You killed both your parents. No, I didn't. You don't deserve to live. I deserve to live. The voice in my head grew louder with each statement. It repeated itself until I couldn't handle it. It's all your fault. It's all my fault. You killed both your parents. I killed both my parents. You don't deserve to live. I don't deserve to live. 

    One of the sides had won and it now controlled my body. I abruptly stood up and walked towards my nightstand. I opened the top chore and took out my pocket knife. I opened it to a sharp blade. I stared for a bit, holding the knife with my pale shaking hands. I stabbed it into my thigh. I wanted to scream, the feeling of relief washed over me as I finally felt something. I did it again, and again. I loved the feeling. All I needed was someone. Someone to tell me it was going to be okay. My breathing got worse, and my throat became dry. More tears fell as I brought the blade down towards my thigh but a hand lashed out and stopped me. 

      TW ends here. Basically, Hope is breaking down and she self-harmed. Someone stopped her though.

   "Hope, stop." I felt the blade fly from my grip and it clattered on the wooden floor. I felt somebody grab my shaking hands with a firm grip. I just stared at the blood pouring from where the blade had pierced my skin. As I watched the wound closed and there was no evidence of what I had just done. "Why can't death be easy. Why can't I just forget you, mom?" I wish I could forget her. All the happy memories would be gone but this feeling would be gone as well. I felt as if I was drowning and nothing could save me.  "Look at me. Look at me, Hope." I slowly brought my gaze up to meet warm chocolate brown eyes. I barely registered her arms around me, holding me close to her. "Grief is like the ocean, it comes in waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim. Sometimes we can't let go of the things that make us sad, because those were also the things that made us happy." 

      All I can learn to do is swim. I know how to swim, in fact, I'm a great swimmer. Why would I need someone to save me from drowning if I know how to swim. I started to calm down at these thoughts. My breathing steadied out and I could actually feel safe in this embrace. I put my arms around her and said, "Thank you, Jo." She just nods and pulls away. We stare into each other's eyes before I remember what Penelope had suggested a few hours ago. I look over Josie's shoulder and locked eyes with Penelope. I try to convey my question through my look and I guess she understood it because she nodded. 

    "Ahem." My throat is still a little sore but I continue. "So Josie. Penelope, and I both realized that we have feelings for you. So we were erm wondering if you wanted to be our girlfriend." Her jaw drops and she's looking at me with wide eyes. She coughs and quickly composes herself. "Like, all three of us? Like a poly relationship?" Penelope and I look at each other and we both answer at the same time with, "Yeah." Jo nods and looks down shyly. "So, are we like girlfriends now?" "If you want to," Penelope says. Josie answers almost immediately with, "Yes." 

       We all piled onto Penelope's bed and just cuddled together. I sighed contently momentarily forgetting my problems. I just laid with my girlfriends and relished in their company. I fell asleep for the first time in a while to the rhythm of their breathing.

A/N: Hi loves. So this chapter is much shorter compared to the last chapter but I actually really like this chapter for multiple reasons. 1. You get to see into Hope's mind and how she thinks. 2. Josie joined the romance. 3.Hope is slowly moving on. I hoped you enjoyed the chapter and if you have any questions, suggestions, or ideas please comment them. Or just comment cause I like to read yall's thoughts.