Unseen Letters To Lux

15

Trust

A deep rotted bond that ties you to another person. Giving yourself into someone's arms to control.  A piece of glass stone from my heart that I gave to others.

I never released how much I gave out for free.

Till I watched everyone drop my glass stone on the floor.

Trust

I trusted Barriss to be my friend forever. To be each other's rocks because we knew it this type of life wasn't easy. We knew what emptiness lay within our hearts. The child that screamed inside us every day. Because it was only something, someone like us could understand, the unspoken words that let me know that she had a part of my inner child. That we held each other's hopes and rejects we dare not say.

I gave her a piece of my glass stone, to hold. The glass stone was a castle that my inner child lived in since she would never see the light of day.

I watched her take the piece of my glass heart I gave her, look me in the eyes and drop it... I watched as the glass shattered all around me and with it the castle where my youth lay.

While the glass castle shattered I watch the core of my youth cry out to her only friend. I watch as the child looked at her shattered castle and broke down with it.

I trusted the council; every decision, every choice, every rule they gave me I took and put on a pedestal.

I gave them almost all of my glass heart and gave my life for them to use to their "righteous" means.

I watched them look at me and crust me glass heat in their hands. I watched them take my hard work and my devotion and crush them into meaningless sand. The same people I spent my serving, the people I fought for and gave up my childhood for.

But to them, it didn't matter. Everything I did meant nothing to them, the same man that found me as a child looked me in the eyes, as they stripped me from the one thing I was. He watched with Obi-Won, both doing nothing.

Once again the child in me cried out, but they didn't care to hear.

They brought me into the Order and watched me be thrown out for the republic to handle. They pulled me in and pushed me out like it was nothing. Like I was mere sand being moved by the waves.

But the best part was how prepared they were to sentence me to death, but as soon as I was innocent, they decided to give mercy on the mere child.

This time the child didn't cry out. She didn't feel joy or relief. In fact, she didn't say anything, I couldn't feel her.

I released there was no glass castle left for my inner child to stay in. So she was no longer there.

But I guess I'm not so innocent either. As Anakin held my glass heart with care and never broke it despite everything, it wasn't enough for me. As he asked me back and held out his hand, I put his stone heart he gave me back into his hands. While I didn't break it, the stone heart piece was unable to be what it once was.

As I walked away from Master Skywalker, I could hear Anakin cry in his eyes. As I walked away, what was left of my glasses heart shattered into pieces of sand. There was nothing left of my old heart, no castle left to build.

I decided to build my heart up with stone. No castles or palaces, just walls.

But again. No one is innocent, something so pure can't last in this world.

You aren't innocent Lux.

I gave you a piece of my old heart once.

I gave you multiple pieces.

You broke it when you tasered me after I rescued you.

So I gave you another piece.

You joined death watch.

So I gave another.

You left me in an escape pod.

Another piece.

You acted like you didn't know me and fell in love with multiple other girls. You built me castles with your words, but I suppose that's all they were.

words.

Ahsoka.