The Moment I Knew

"Rae?...I'm Hom--Holy Fuck..."

I could hear the keys turning in the lock as I positioned myself in the kitchen, a rush of emotions flooded through me. Austin had spent the day out doing meeting for Of Mice & Men and I had rushed over to his house after work. Fifteen minutes ago he had called to tell me he'd be arriving shortly. I had taken that as my queue, riffling through his drawers until I found what I needed: a black Slipknot t-shirt that was cut almost completely down both sides (one that was usually reserved for when he was performing.) I stripped nude, slipping the shirt over my head and giggled in the mirror at the perfect amount of sideboob the shirt allowed. I pulled the pair of black stilettos I had brought with me out of my bag and clambered into them.

To say I looked sexy was probably an understatement.

And here I was, waiting in the kitchen breathlessly to surprise him at the door.

The door opened wide and I heard him step over the threshold. I took a few steps forward as I heard him call out to me.

"Rae?...I'm hom—holy fuck..."

I arranged my features into what I hoped was a sexy smirk as I watched his eyes travel up and down the length of my body. His eyes came up to meet mine again and I beckoned him to follow me with a giggle. He happily obliged, letting me grasp his hand and pull him upstairs and back into his bedroom. I threw him down on the bed and straddled him, grabbing a fist full of his shirt and kissing him hard.
Austin's hands came up slowly made their way up my thighs causing me to bite my lip. Slowly he made his way up my backside, being sure to give me a little spank once he noticed the lack of panties. I reached down pulling his shirt over his head.

"What did I do so right?" He breathed making me giggle as our lips found each other again.

It wasn't long before we had had enough teasing and removing of each other's clothes. He rolled me over taking full control and pushed inside of me hard making me bite into his shoulder.

Minutes later we both fell back into the pillows, drenched in sweat.

"Holy fuck..." He mumbled.

I giggled, my head lolling to the side to look at him.

"Never in my life has sex ever been so sexy or good." He admitted lifting his arm up so I could snuggle into him.

"You look being surprised?" I asked my finger taking up its favorite habit of tracing the tattoo lines on
his chest.

"Yes." He nodded. "Surprise me like that again. The shoes! My shirt! How did you come up with that?"

"My mysterious woman ways..." I said with a wiggle of my eyebrows and a kiss on his lips.

We let the silence consume us for a while; nothing but our breathing and pulses, life's vital signs, filling the room.

"I have to tell you something." Austin's voice broke through the atmosphere hard. I sat up and turned to him, pleasantly awaiting his news.

"We got word today we're leaving for tour January 12. It's a headliner. I'm so stoked."

I turned away from him, fear crippled my body. I threw the blankets back and swung my legs out of bed.

"Babe, where are you going?" His voice was laced with confusion.

"How long are you going for?" I asked not turning around. My question hung in the air for a moment, my eyes closed in anticipation of his answer.

"We're in the states until February 12 and then Febuary 14 we fly to Japan for two shows and then we're here for a week before we go to Australia and then we're in talks to do another headliner with
A Day to Remember." He answered.

"I can't do this." I said climbing out of bed and grabbing my underwear from the floor.

"What? Raegan, what are you talking about?" He asked disbelief and hurt in his voice.

"You can't go on tour, Austin! You just can't fucking do that to me!" I practically screamed at him, tears threatening to fall from my eyes.

He took a moment to process what I was saying before climbing out of bed and stumbling into his own underwear. "Are you kidding me right now, Raegan?"

I turned away from him and started gathering my things.

"Did you come into this relationship expecting me to stay in Huntington Beach 24/7 and hold your hand through everything?" He scoffed. "This is my fucking job, Raegan, my career. I thought you, of all people, understood that."

I continued to pack up my stuff until he caught my arm and made me look at him, the necklace I had gotten him for Christmas swinging against his bare chest. "The one thing in life I love more than you is being able to get on that stage and perform for an hour and meet those kids and hear those stories."

"Am I just not supposed to see you for the next four months, Austin? I don't know if I can mentally handle being apart from you like that."

"Rae, you can come see me. It's not like I'm not going to pay to fly you out or fly home to see you."
He was still yelling which was causing the anxiety to swell inside me even more.

"Please don't yell." I muttered as the tears started falling and his features softened.

"Rae, what is going on? What's wrong?" He asked. "Can we please talk about this?"

"I just don't want you to be gone for so long..."

"Did you not think this was going to happen?"

"Not for four months!"

He ran a shaky hand through his hair thinking of what to say next as I stood pathetically crying in front of him. Slowly he took my bag out of my hands and dropped it on the ground again, pulling my body into his. I wrapped my arms around him, letting him comfort me. He sank back down onto the mattress before pulling away from me and wiping the tears from my eyes.

"I love you." He said making me let out a loan laugh. "But I need you to understand that if you're going to be with me, touring is inevitable. It's my life, Rae. And I'm sorry but I'm not going to give it up. Not now."

"I'm sorry." I said suddenly feeling stupid. "It's not that I want you to quit singing and everything else to just be stuck here with me...I don't want that at all. It's just such a long time to be away from you, just when we're getting to a good spot. The idea of you leaving for so long just gives me so much
anxiety."

"Look, all the girls are leaving with us the 12th and staying on the bus until we're back in Hollywood the 18th. I was thinking you could do that too. That's a whole week. And then we can figure it out from there, okay?"

I nodded slowly, falling into his chest again.

"I promise you will go nowhere near, Boston. I'm not giving that fucking guy any reason to try and find you again. Calm down."

Slowly my tears subsided and after a string of apologies, Austin and I found ourselves in the kitchen making pancakes and bacon for dinner in our underwear.

"Hey," Austin said making me look over at him as he flipped a pancake. "We just had the best sex of our relationship and the first fight we were able to resolve like adults."

"Well you know what that means..." He turned and looked at me waiting for my answer. "We're just going to have to have makeup sex now."

He smiled wide before coming over and kissing me hard.