Beyond Hope

Chapter 5

"What a mess."

The subway rocked me from side to side on my seat. Next to me, a teenage girl played with a strand of pink hair between her fingers while bobbing her head to the sound of whatever she was listening to on the oversized headphone wrapped around her ears.

I remembered how shocked Lily was when I told her I actually enjoyed riding the subway. Yes, there were many people and a lot of confusion, but whatever interaction I had with those people was only momentary. In a fraction of a second perhaps I could lock eyes with someone or bump my shoulder, step on somebody's shoes. There was contact- human contact - but we didn't have to speak, answer questions.

The pretense within those interactions was minimal. The social masks we all use every day were enough to deal with the people on the subway. All I had to do was apologize, even if it wasn't my fault the carriage was full and I bumped into someone, and smile in return when someone apologized to me, even if I was annoyed and with little patience.

Before I had to stand up, I took a last look at the girl's reflection in the window. Perhaps she didn't even notice me at all, lost in the music, as I used to do myself when I was that age. Or perhaps she was thinking about painting the strand of hair between her fingers a different color.

Baby blue. I repressed a smile. I hope someone will tell her she has beautiful eyes, and baby blue would make them pop out even more.

When I entered the building, the doorman's greetings were more enthusiastic than usual. I figured the reason was the bouquet of tulips sitting next to him and that he rushed to thrust in my arms. There was mom's surprise.

"Nothing like a romantic gesture to light up your day" he added a wink in the end of his sentence, and the look on his face was so dreamy that a part of me felt bad for telling him the truth.

"It's nothing like that. Just a habit of my mother to send flowers on special occasions." I shrugged.

"Oh... Well, that's still a nice gesture. Flowers are always such a great gift, and those are beautiful. They should need some water. I tried to ring upstairs but seem like Miss Stanford was not at home."

"I'll do that. Thank you."

I stepped onto the elevator, caressing the smooth petals from the tulips. I didn't need to see the card to confirm they were from mom. Plus, knowing her, she hadn't written anything other than her signature.

Growing up, I remember seeing fresh flowers in the house all the time. Mom's favorites were tulips, so dad brought them home often. I liked them as well, although I always preferred them yellow. There was something about how the sunny color blended with the shade of green in the stalk. Mom loved them pink, and the white ones were Grace's favorites.

Walking into the apartment, I confirmed Lily was still out. My eyes darted to the ceiling. Was she really with that new neighbor? I sighed at her reckless behavior. She knew nothing about that man. He could be a pervert or a killer for all she knew.

Deciding that put the flowers in water was, in fact, a priority, I head towards the cabinet where I knew I could find some vases. We had a decent collection since I had to buy some extra ones the previous year. One of Lily's conquers decided the way to her heart was to send her red roses every week. When it didn't work, the poor guy thought the problem was the frequency of the delivery, and the roses started to arrive every day... until Lily put a stop to it. I didn't want to hear the details.

The vase looked good on the countertop separating the kitchen and living room area. Rolling my shoulders to get rid of some pressure from the day, I turned around to see a few letters scattered on the couch. I couldn't help but feel a tingle of irritation at the sight of the unopened mail... How difficult was it to separate the correspondence in two piles and leave it by the door as Lily had agreed to? I lived there as well, and she knew I liked things a certain way. It was not as I didn't pay rent...