My little Fanfiction

Part 5

George holds the letter in his trembling hands and just stares at it. "George, Uncle Philipp is your birth father!" Ronnie says calmly now. Suddenly George feels as if a bomb has hit him. He feels sick, he hears a whir in his ears and he has the feeling that he is suffocating. Everything around him begins to blur and he has trouble concentrating. Slowly he opens the letter and begins to read it hesitantly. It is a letter to him from his mother. She wrote it some time after his death. It was her own way of releasing this burden, even if she thought George would never know!

"My George, my good dear boy!

What have I cried for you! How many more tears will I shed?

I will never forget when I held you in my arms for the first time! You were so small and so fragile! Your eyes fixed on me as if you wanted to tell me something! I looked at you and vowed to do everything for you! You should never be sorry and I would protect you whatever comes! Oh my Georgie. I couldn't keep my promise! How it tears me apart. I know I should be proud! And that's me, believe me! With every step you took, I just became more proud of you! You were such a good child! Always considerate! When you were five years old I was sick once and lay in bed with a fever! I will never forget it when you stood in front of me with the plate of soup, of which you spread more on the floor than was still in the plate. You held it out very carefully to me and you were so proud because you were allowed to bring me the soup! I always knew there was more to you. You are special! You will do great things one day! And then, then came the day I found out that you saved a woman's life and died in the process! It tore me apart! Losing you, my beloved son, broke my heart! I know you did the right thing, you acted! And yes, I'm proud! No matter what happened before! I know you were disappointed in yourself! But nobody is without mistakes! I made mistakes too! Big mistakes, maybe for the same reason as you. I have been silent for so long, I intend to tell you one day, but then ... !? "
I will never be able to tell you the truth that is as heavy as a stone on my soul!
I never wanted anything other than your luck! And I know how much you loved your father! I just never had the heart to tell you! But now it's too late!
Your father died and you left me too. You have been taken away from me by fate and I have a hard time living with it! And this guilt in me takes away all my strength!
It's been so long, I was unhappy and had a hard time! Your brothers were so small and I was completely overwhelmed as a mother! Jerry was in bed with severe pneumonia and your father was out on business! I was alone and then I had my job and the house! The roof was leaking and there were buckets all over the house to catch the rainwater.
Your uncle Philipp was often with us at that time and helped me! He repaired the roof and helped me with the boys. We neither planned it and at first I resisted it! But then it happened! It was only one night, but it had consequences! Wonderful and beloved consequences! You were born nine months later!
Dear boy, my beloved son, Uncle Philipp is your biological father!
Your dad never found out! But I think he sensed it. He never asked and never asked me about it, but I saw it in his eyes, the older you got!
You and Dave, you saw each other so much, you weren't just like brothers, you are too!
And if only half brothers, but you share so much with each other! I know you would have been disappointed and shocked! I should have told you! It's too late now! And I can't change that! I would do anything to see you again, only to be allowed to hold you once more in my arms, to look you in the eye again to tell you how much I love you, son! So love everywhere!
You were the light after your dad died, you were part of me and always will be! No mother should ever be forced to stand in front of her child's grave! How lost I felt, how much the pain took my breath away! No one should ever have to go through something like this!
I will carry this pain forever!
Until the day we meet again!
Wherever you are now I'll be missing you! We all miss you! And I will carry you in my heart forever! My beloved son, my George!
Forgive me!"