Say you'll stay - Channing Tatum

P.19

The weather is like it's been the whole week, dark and heavy. Rain is pouring down outside and the darkness doesn't stay outside the walls, it has made its way inside and created a barrier between the few light sources around the house and the remaining, the things you can't see.

Music is coming from the kitchen and it only gets louder as I'm walking down the stairs. It's something of Stevie Wonder I can tell. The rhythm causes me to almost make my way down dancing as I listen to his voice blend together with my moms.

I feel how my lips twist upwards into a smile. Mom has labeled the mornings as hers for years and no one has had the courage to take them away from her. Not that anyone has wanted to.

When I reach the kitchen she's faced the other way around and I quietly sneak up behind her. "Good morning!" I say, my lips pressed against her shoulder in a hug. "Morning." She says back as she wraps her free arm around mine.

I let go and walk over to the counter where I jump up to sit. The whole kitchen smells of pancakes and the feeling of hunger suddenly appears much stronger than it was seconds ago.

"Are you hungry?" She asks, turning around with a plate of a few, freshly made pancakes.

I smile, reaching my arms out for the food that looks irresistible. "Do you really have to ask."

A sigh leaves her lips before she leans against the counter in front of me. She watches me patiently with a smile as I eat the food she made. "I'll miss you once you're gone."

My eyes drift up from my lap to end up on her. "Mom," I swallow the food before I can let a smile shape my lips. "I will never be gone. I'll just move twenty minutes from here." Her smile holds a sadness I didn't know was there. I guess mine looks the same.

"I know. It's just that I'm so used to having you around. The showers you take in the middle of the night, and the very loud music you decide to play whenever I'm on the phone." She laughs. "You drive me crazy.. but god do I love you."

Now it's my time to sigh. "Come here." I place the plate on the counter beside me before I hold my arms open for a hug. She's fast to wrap her arms around me tightly and I feel how my body gets a little heavier by the second her hand moves against my back. It almost seems ridiculous, how the roles has changed, but maybe there's just more to growing up than I thought. I'm not going to live here anymore. I am not going to wake up in the same bed, and see her as the first person every day. It's been in the back of my head, but not something I've thought about really.

"I am going to miss having you around." She lets go and her lips twist in a way that almost forms a smirk. "A little at least."

I let out a low laugh and watch her as she disappears out of the room.

I remain on the counter for a while as I eat the pancakes. The music is still filling the room and I dangle my legs to the rhythm. Beside me is my phone making a sound every other second from the messages Madison is sending me. It's mostly questions about what she's supposed to wear and a conformation about the time and I type a quick response before I press send.

Great! See you around 1 then.

I get back.

Mom is watching me from the other side of the room. A magazine is laying on her lap as if she's trying to convince me that she's actually reading it, but I can feel her eyes on the side of my face. I say nothing, because I know that it won't be like this in a month or two. I need to get on with my life, it's almost like I've been stuck in the same spot for a while now and I'm finally cutting myself loose. 

I jump off the counter and place the now empty plate in the dishwasher before I turn my head towards mom. She's still watching me, almost staring and I catch her eyes and hold them for a second.

"I love you mom." I say and give her a smile, and I smile, because at that very moment, it occurs to me that I'm not saying it enough.

"I really need to go to Sephora to get that new facewash you know?" She looks over at me from the passengers seat. "I saw it on the commercial, and it looks really good." She shrugs, her eyes following the road.

I laugh, breaking my gaze with the road for a second to look over at her. "Don't believe everything you see."

"I don't." She turns towards me. "That's why I have to try it myself."

A few minutes and a couple of stories later I make a turn towards the parking lot. I park next to a Honda and wait for Madison to finish her story. ".. so I don't think I'll see her again, you know?" She says and I nod. We turn quiet and the rain against the hard roof patters heavily above us.

"You have an umbrella?" She asks me the very second we're half way out of the car. It's roughly three minutes to the entrance so there's no need for one.

"Come on." I lock the car behind us and begin walking.

Inside, it's crowded. Everyone's talking a little too loudly and others are closer to screaming. Families with small children are trying to make it through without losing anyone on their way and groups of teenagers are taking up the entrances. They're all holding their phones in a tight grip, completely unaware of everything around them.

"Going through these doors are like entering another world." I state.

She looks at me and shrugs. "It's like we're from mars and this is the earth."

It's like we're from mars and this is the earth. I think about it, but I don't say anything, because we wouldn't be discussing the same question. She didn't take it as I meant it.

We walk around for a while, in and out of stores as the amount of bags multiple on her arm. She insists that she needs everything she buys, but I'm skeptical.

"Do you want to grab a coffee? It's on me." I ask her. My feet are hurting by now and I'm starting to get bored. We've been walking around for almost an hour, but I haven't bought anything. I've mostly just looked around and sometimes felt the different materials as I've listened to Madison's voice.

She holds up a pair of jeans in front of her, unsure of what to do. "I'd love to. Hold on, I'll just buy these." She says without even giving me as much as a glance.

With a slow pace I walk towards the exit of the store to wait there.

People are walking by. They're moving and disappearing from my sight. Others are standing in the stores on the opposite side, watching me as I'm watching them. It's funny how many stories we walk past everyday and how little thought we give the ones we never get to learn. 

On the other side, past the rush of people and the clothing racks, I suddenly make eye contact with someone for a brief moment. It doesn't take me more than half a second to know that it's Cynthia. The second after that I recognize the man beside her. It's Julian.