Say you'll stay - Channing Tatum

P.23

I barely know where I'm going as I turn left at a corner of a building. It looks the same. Everything looks the same, even the people.

The pattern on the sidewalk seems to continue forever and the handles on the heavy doors are equally worn, as if someone has walked from door to door grabbing them a thousand times.

I kick a small stone in front of me.

Nothing new has happened since I read Martins text two days ago. It has been quiet except from my own mind that constantly has reminded me of how much money and time matter, if it would've changed things if I would've sent the text an hour earlier or if I could offer more money.

More money.

What a joke.

My hand automatically reaches for the scratched handle I've held two times earlier, but the door feels heavier this time and the smell of wood that approaches me once I've stepped inside makes me wonder if I've opened the right door. I take a glance at the number above the doorframe and get if confirmed, I'm where I'm supposed to be. 

The elevator arrives after a few seconds and I step in before I push the button which has the number 27 imprinted in white. 

I knew I would come here again, but for all the other reasons than what I'm really here for now. There were so many supposed tos' in my head just two days ago. They're all gone now, replaced by questions I don't think there are any answers to.

The elevator stops once it has reached floor 27 and I get out. A small sound is heard as it closes its doors and goes back down again. It makes me wonder if they've turned the sound off inside the elevator. I never heard the tone it makes each time you pass a new floor. 

Besides the silence and the very so white walls in the hallway, the door to the apartment is open, the keys sitting in the keyhole. 

I take the few steps over to the hallway as quietly as I can. In case someone's here, the last thing I want to do is to barge right in. It's not my place to be anymore. 

I look inside and my gaze is drawn down to the corner where my Chucks are seen, just as worn and dirty as I left them. An involuntary smile spreads over my lips at the memory of me placing them there and the words that followed. 

I pick them up and press them against my chest, as if they mean the world to me. They wouldn't even make it to the top twenty but it would be stupid to deny that they hold on to memories. 

I'm just using the shoes as a reason to come back and I know it, but I wouldn't be able to find a less sad one even if I tried. There's no one here and it's the first time in forever being alone isn't associated with loneliness. 

I appreciate the silence and the way it makes me feel. I hope that whoever it is that has bought this place enjoys and appreciates all the things about it. Even the small things that wasn't mentioned in the red folder. 

My gaze falls over the room and the kitchen that's barely visible from where I'm standing. I know I shouldn't, but this is probably the last time I'll ever see a view like this. Without as much as a second thought, I make my way through the apartment and over to the windows.

I barely have time to focus on anything on the other side of the glass before loud and rushed footsteps are heard against the broad planks. In a fast movement I turn around as I quickly try to come up with an apology in my head, but the face I'm met by is no stranger. 

The footsteps stop and the sound that filled the room is now replaced by a feeling.

"Hi" I smile carefully, surprised.

His black coat is unbuttoned and his hair messy.

"Hi" He says after a few seconds too many, his voice hoarse. It's clear he's surprised to see me here. I would say that the feeling is mutual but I think he's already figured that out.

"What are you doing here?" He asks gently, his gaze flickering between my eyes and the buildings behind me. He puts one of his hands in the pocket of his coat and waits for my answer.

I smile, holding up my shoes a little.

"Right." He smiles unsurely.

I shift foot and look out over the room. "I came back for more than my shoes." I confess, trying to make eye contact. "I just wanted to see it one last time before someone takes away all the things that makes this its own." Words aren't enough to explain how I feel about it.

His eyes are trying to settle on mine but they're constantly moving.

"What are you doing here?" I look at him and watch how he clenches his jaw just to release it before it repeats. His eyes are fixed on something outside the window behind me.

It takes an awful lot of time for something to happen. He's here, but it doesn't feel like he wants to be.

My smile falls a little for each fraction of a second and every breath begins to feel like breathing water. The room is too quiet for my thoughts that are so loud. 

He does nothing to bring my attention towards him but it's enough that his eyes finds mine for the first time. He hasn't looked at me property since he came in the room.

But now he does, and it's suddenly like I can hear him say it.

I remain quiet and wait for him to prove me wrong, but not a single word leaves his lips. 

I'm not smiling and the Chucks are barely pressed against my body anymore. 

"No." My voice cracks and I drop one shoe. "Please tell me you're not the one who.."

He looks at me like he knows how this ends.

I shake my head in denial as my eyes beg him to say something, anything at all, but the room stays silent.

"Oh my god." I get out shakily, my hands letting go of the one shoe I still held on to. It hits the floor with a thud and ends up beside the other one. 

I'm trying with all I have to ignore the burning sensation behind my eyelids, but I can't help it.

"Brooke," He starts, his voice breaking the barrier between the things I knew and the things I thought I knew. My name has never sounded so filled with sadness as it just did.

This can't be it.

He takes a step closer and without a thought, I push him hard against his chest. "Don't."  

He barely budges and it makes me regret that I didn't push him harder, but the look on his face gives away the weight of his heart.

It's not the fact that he bought the apartment that makes me upset, it's that he knew how much this meant to me. He could've found another one. There must be at least a hundred apartments up for sale in this area and it's not like the prices stops him. 

I look up to find him searching my face with eyes that are clearer than before. "Channing, how do you do it?" I ask, my voice still shaking. 

It takes him a few seconds before he opens his mouth to answer, but I'm faster. "You know what? Don't say anything." 

The city reflecting in his eyes may be clear, but it's no longer the better version. It's a cheap copy of the reality that partly is kept hidden. It's beautiful, but it's not original. No one should ever dream of something so perfect the real world seems dull. 

I turn my head towards the buildings outside one last time before I look back at him. "I would've liked to think that we don't put money first even if that's what's said, but it seems to be worth much more than peoples respect and care now a days." I look at him. "It just makes me sad, because I honestly thought you were an exception."