Say you'll stay - Channing Tatum

P. 22

I slowly turn around, flipping my hair over to the other side before I lay my head back down on the pillow. The sound of seconds disappearing behind as I lay still in my cold bed reminds me of the few hours that has passed since I fell asleep. 

I stayed up late yesterday. I sat with my back against the wall and the money in my hands, thinking. All these hours I've spent working and all the nights I've stayed up just to make up for everything else I've been missing out on. I've changed my priorities from friends and family  to my work, just to make the amount of paper we call cash increase, so I can buy the apartment. 

Thinking about it like that, it made it seem so shallow and like a waste of time. As if the apartment would ever stand a chance against all the other things in my life and mean as much to me as my current home, without it not even being a home at all. 

I turn around with a sight, fixating my shirt before I turn my focus to the white painted ceiling. My looking turns into staring and I soon reach for my phone to keep myself from going crazy. I find it on the bedside table next to a glass of water I forgot I poured up. With a quick movement, I click my way onto the messenger app.

Thank you so much for your guiding in every way regarding the apartment. I have thought about it since we last spoke and I'd be happy to buy it! You know my limit. /Brooke

I press send and watch it turn into a small blue square on the screen.

A knock brings my attention to the door and it soon swings up to reveal mom, two cups of tea in her hands.

"Have you given that estate agent an answer yet?" She smiles and walks over to the side of my bed. She hands me one of the cups and waits for my answer. 

I look up at her and let my gaze linger for a second. "I did. I told him I'll buy it."

An ounce of guilt makes itself known and I quickly try to swallow it down. It's so much money.

"Maybe I should've put it on something else.. on something that makes a bigger difference." I admit. The look on her face changes and a faint crease is visible between her eyebrows. 

"I know what you're thinking, but it is more than an apartment to you. The way you've spoken about it shows that ever so clearly." The smile appears over her lips again. "You said yes to a home, Brooke."

I force a small smile but can't seem to swallow it completely. 

My phone makes a sound and I'm quick to reach for it. I read the words on the screen that aren't mine in silence, every word taking seconds to read. 

My gaze mindlessly drifts up to where it earlier was, away from the phone and the last dot at the end of the text. The vibrant white on the screen makes the ceiling appear yellow and the room much darker.

"What?" She asks.

The room is too quiet for my thoughts that are so loud. 

"I didn't get it." I look at her. "I don't get to buy the apartment because someone else already has."