By The Way...I'm Pregnant

What If I'm Like My Mother PT 2

Robert took Andy's hand in his as they sat side by side at the end of their bed so they could wait. She leaned her head on his bicep and took a breath before speaking. "I left some things out when I told you about seeing my mom." She said quietly.

Robert nodded slightly, "I know." His thumb massaged her small hand as he spoke. "You talked a long time. You had 20 years of questions. I figured you would tell me more when you were ready."

"She said she was overwhelmed from the moment I was born...she never planned on being a mother. She just wanted to fight fires." Andy shook her head in disgust. "She even tried to relate that to me, saying I had to understand what that was like." Robert listened quietly as she finally let out some of the things she'd been holding onto. "She said that after she got pregnant people told her everything would change once she held me in her arms. Apparently they were wrong, because while she claims she loved me, she said she resented me and my dad. She was depressed...and I guess got better later, but after leaving she did feel free." Her voice broke as she spoke.

"Oh, Andy..." Robert said quietly as he looked down at his wife. Her eyes were red and lined with unshed tears. Robert released her hand and wrapped a protective arm around her, pulling her into him. His heart ached. She had been carrying around so much pain for years and the conversation with her mom was like reopening an old wound and throwing salt in it. He felt her pain deep in his gut.

Andy snuggled into Robert's side and didn't even try to stop the tears that made their way down her cheeks. It felt good to just let it out. "I've spent months trying to make peace with that. She never wanted me and she was happier without me in her life. And that's why she could stay away for 20 years. And I get being sick. Needing help. But when she got better, she never came back. She never came back, Robert."

Robert could hear the questions Andy wasn't asking. Why wasn't she enough? Why hadn't she been enough to make her stay or worth coming back for when she was better? He had so many things he wanted to say... tried to find the words but couldn't seem to put them together at this moment. So he just held her tightly.

"What if I'm like her?" Andy whispered. "What if I am pregnant, we have a baby and I just can't handle it?" There it was. Her biggest fear. "I don't want to put you or a child through that."

Robert thought for a moment before replying. "I don't know what to say exactly," he said with sadness in his voice. "I just...my heart hurts when you hurt." He leaned in and pressed a kiss to her temple. "I do know this. You can't let your mom's action mean something about you. She is her own person and you are your own person. Just because she made the choices she did, doesn't mean you would." Andy nodded her head slightly and let her husband's worth soothe her. " I don't know your mom, but I do know you and you are the most fiercely loyal person I know. It would be impossible for you to walk away from someone you loved. Especially a child." Robert's own eyes watered as spoke words of comfort.

Andy pulled away just enough to look into Robert's eyes as he finished speaking. She saw his love, his devotion, his certainty, his strength and she was in awe. When he first came to 19, she had judged him pretty harshly thinking he was so one-dimensional. She was so wrong. He was so layered and complex. And like her, while he might not always emote in a big way or talk about his feelings, she knew he felt things deeply. Andy reached up and pulled Robert into a tight hug. "Thank you," she whispered into the side of his neck. "For being exactly what I needed today."

When they pulled a part, Robert leaned and placed the sweetest kiss on her lips. Andy relished in the feelings of love and safety she felt. "I love you." Robert said simply.

"I love you too," Andy said. She held his gaze for a moment then added, "Should we check?" She wasn't ready, but was pretty sure at this point nothing would make her feel ready. She did feel stronger though. Something about Robert hearing her concerns and understanding her just made it easier. He understood her fears, the reasons why she was worried and he didn't judge her or tell her to get over it. He just loved and supported her. For that she was grateful.

Hand in hand they closed the gap and made it to the bathroom. Taller, Robert was sure he'd seen the two pink lines clearly before Andy picked up the test. Her hands shook a bit as she held it up. "Baby." She offered Robert a weak smile as she said it. Despite the worry, despite the fear, she couldn't lie... there was happiness there too. Their love had made something incredible.

Robert looked at his wife and through her worries he could still see her hopefulness. The question in her eyes that said, maybe just maybe things would be okay. Unable to help the smile on his face and the joy he felt on this inside, he pulled Andy into a hug and spun her around their sizable bathroom. "We're having a baby." When he heard her laughter, his insides relaxed. That was all the reassurance he needed. He knew they would be fine.

Several hours later, Robert and Andy laid in bed. Andy was in her usual spot, nestled tightly against Robert's chest, her arm thrown over his middle. His arm wrapped tightly around her small frame, Robert gently caressed her shoulder as he held her.

"I'm sorry," Andy said softly.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Robert replied plainly.

"I just feel like I'm robbing you of some special, magical moment or something." She said with a little more strength in her voice.

Robert tipped Andy's head up so he could look into her eyes. "You're entitled to your feelings, babe. You can be excited and happy at the same time as you are worried and scared as hell. Life is never just good or just bad. It is always both and." He kissed her forehead as she laid her head back down.

Andy didn't reply, but did take in his words. It was days like today that reminded her, no matter how crazy it was to get married so quickly, Robert was clearly the love of her life. He'd made one of the hardest days she'd had in a long time, okay. "I think you'll be an incredible father though," She said, breaking the silence.

You think so," Robert said with unspoken questions in his voice. He wasn't sure. He had his own set of fears. He lost his dad so early and the example his parents set was one where work often came first. He'd almost lost Andy making the same mistakes his dad and Opa made. He did know he would do his best. They would do their best together. All they could do was hope that was enough.

"I know so," Andy replied back with love in her voice. "You are already so good at taking care of me."