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warm hands clasp my hair and rub my back, until another pair and another pair join them.
of course aria does not, frantically shrieking at the sight of puke on the floor.
"i'm going to the suite." i manage to croak out once i'm sure i'm done, lifting my dress to waddle around the pond of orange mess.
no one follows me, for i'm glad that when i arrive at the roof for some fresh air, there's not a soul in sight.
i still taste the acid that lingers at the back of my throat. it's a godsend when i remember there is a tiny packet of mints in my bra that tassian told me to keep there to take just before i went out.
that's the first thing i did wrong - forgetting to take a mint.
i push my regrets to the back of my mind, solely concentrating on the city ahead. even when i look at it, it is a stark reminder of how much trouble i've waded into.
if only i had lied.
i daydream here for hours about the hunger games, and how ill be able to kill myself all while letting james win.
now i've let my plans unhinged, open to any additional suggestions from grimy peacekeepers, im very sure they're ruined and better off not being used.
i attempt to devise something else, but it's too late.
i suppose i'll have to wait it out.
"are you alright?" finnick's voice calls.
i nod. though the question is like a trigger, and it sets off tears to fall down my cheeks. it's a cool release, as i did not realise i had been storing them for the past half an hour on my lash-line.
"i'm not convinced." he chuckles, his voice crescendoing as he nears me.
i sniff a little, then chuckle too. "good judgement."
"i'm sorry." he says softly as he sits beside me.
"why?" i ask.
finnick shakes his head. "i don't know. i just am."
"don't pity me." i say.
"it's not pity. it's regret." he says.
i snap my neck to face him. is he admitting all i've wanted him to?
"i'm going to tell you this, alright?" he says, his voice steady, not wavering once in tone. i nod. "well, i've been sold by the president. i promise you, when i say i wish i could've been in district four in victor's village with you for as long as you wanted, i would've. but i couldn't."
his words are an ointment.
"i tried, and he killed my parents. i missed one visit eve, one," he stresses, "and they were gone. i didn't want to risk that. and i was the most popular with them here. so i had to put on this act, see these women. this is my last chance to tell you any of this, because i know you. when you want something you get it." he says, laughing airily as he turns away from me. only for a moment, though, as i make a shuffle, and his face faces mine once more. "so i want you to go with closure."
