He Taught Me How To Love (Harry Styles Fan Fic )

Chapt.24

* Month Later*

"How have you been Katrina?" Molly my therapist asked. Always the same questions, but therapy doesn't bother me so much anymore.

"I am doing alright. I have been gaining a lot of weight recently, which has been really bothering me, but I am trying to fight the need to be skinny. I still feel the urge to harm myself , when I have a bad day or I have nightmares and flashbacks. the Harry and I are great, we went through a rough patch, but we made it through" I spoke twiddling with my fingers, I don't really like opening up all that much, but she is like my big sister.

"You are gaining weight because you are hitting a normal weight sweetie. You have been deprived of food your whole life, you body just wants normal intake of food, so you will gain weight faster. It is normal. Congratulations on you and Harry, you two make the cutest couple.  Do you tell Harry about your urges and nightmares? Do you have trouble with physical activity from your past." She wrote and spoke at the same time. I looked up quickly and squinted. I haven't thought about my past in months.

"I will never be normal. I will always strive for perfection, but the scars have ruined any chance of that. Nobody knows that I have night terrors, flashbacks, or the urge to cut. I keep that to myself.  Now for the physical touching, it has never crossed my mind because Harry is so gently, caring, and makes me feel safe no matter what we are doing. " She nodded and smiled writing down my answer.

"Open up to Harry about your urges sweetie, it will help you. You are no longer alone. Open up. Other than that, you are doing extremely well. I am so proud of you. Our session is over for today. I will see you next week same time." I nodded and left the room silently. I walked into the lobby , where Harry was pacing along with Zayn, Louis, Liam, and Niall. I tell them every time they don't need to come, but like always they insist. I took a deep breath and gave them my best smile.

"Hey how'd it go?" Harry asked gently and slowly. I stared into his eyes and sighed.

"Fine." I answered shortly. I didn't want to do what Molly said. Open up. It sounds so easy, but for me it is terrifying.

"Fine that is it? " He pressed wanting more from me

"Yes, fine! Is that bad that it went fine? Do I not deserve to be fine for once, to be happy, to be content. What do you want me to say, uh?  Do you want me to admit that I want to die, that when I see a blade that I just want to run it over my wrist, or that when I see food that I want to throw up and starve. Is that what you want to hear, because if that is what you want to hear there it is. That is how I feel almost every single day, but I am trying to be positive and happy, but you aren't letting me. You keep waiting for me to break and then put me back together. I am back together just help keep me together. " I snapped and stormed out, where Paul stood holding open the car door. I hopped in and sat in the very back, hoping no one would bother me. I have been PMSing and it has been bloody terrible. I know I should apologize to Harry he is only trying to help, but my hormones tell me other wise. The boys pilled in, but no one dared to say a word. The only thing that broke the silence was the music softly playing through the speakers.

After my episode in the therapist's office, I have been sitting on my bed talking with Perrie.

"Love, I mean this in the nicest way possible, so hear me out, but you have been a real bitch for the past month." She bluntly spoke, catching me off guard. I sighed, it was true though. I have been so mean to everyone.

"I know Perrie. I don't know what is wrong with me, I have been feeling like crap for the past month. I think it is because I have been thinking a lot about my weight, which puts me in really bad mood. " I spoke solemnly. She gave me a sad look.