The Elven Powers

Chapter Twenty: Suicide (Morgel)

I watched blonde vengeance vanish from sight. I could have made a snide comment but I felt like fleeing myself. It aggravated me that she could flaunt her feelings like that, whilst I had to be the responsible one. I knew the general was right but it took all I had not to just grab my weapons and go. I was a king. However, for the moment I couldn't want it less. So I made a few supply demands and stayed in the command tent until dusk. I had a duty.

So fingers covered in ink I decided to take a walk. It was not in me to go take a bath. Furthermore it took all I had not to shout at those who tried to stop me or interrupted my thoughts. After all, Elrohir asked me to be good to the people like all the kings of legend. It gave me hope. If I wasn't to be normal, if I wasn't to be a guardian I had to be king. If I had to be king I could at least try to be a king of legend.

I went through countless tents without any sense of direction. The storm had abated into a light drizzle, but mud still ran like brown water down the makeshift streets. My boots were soaked within a few minutes, despite the fact you could see the storm on the horizon. In the setting sun, it looked like an evil swarm trying to smother more land in its misery. It was succeeding. No matter how far I walked, I could escape the general desperation I felt. My body was chained with energy. It took all I had not to take off into the night.

When I stopped at the western edge of the camp my heart sank. I just stared at the dark mass of trees willing them to swallow me up. I wanted them to surround me and take me to my friend. Elrohir. He had always said he'd be there for me. Whilst I had grumbled and often told him to get lost, he had always stayed by me. It made me want to take back all those times I had pushed him away. Just to wake up from this nightmare in a tavern somewhere and tell him I want him to be there for me when I am King.

I became vaguely aware of someone perched on a log a few feet from the tree line. Huddled in their cloak it would have been difficult to tell who it was. However, due to the circumstances that led me here, I couldn't not realise exactly who it was. Blonde vengeance. I sighed. I figured I would see her grieving at some point. The whole camp might be blind but I knew exactly what had gone on between them.

I sighed, studying the pack she had dropped beside her. I couldn't believe I was going to have to stop her from leaving. It was difficult enough to stop myself from going, but I would now have to stop her. It felt degrading to be such a hypocrite. Also, I realised just how much I saw eye to eye with her in this. I felt like I was going to break, I would be practically refusing myself, but even harder because she would not be persuaded.

Slowly, I approached her. There was no point considering she might flee, you could easily hear the squelching of my boots on the saturated earth. Yet, she didn't turn. I realised she was weeping. I felt a sudden pang of pity but brushed it off. When I stood in front of her wondering what exactly to say, she raised her head to look at me. Tears had made her face and eyes swollen and red. She regarded me with a worn expression and clutched her pack protectively.

She croaked something I couldn't hear. I thought she must have been weeping since the incident in the tent. Her cloak was somewhat soaked and she shivered slightly as she tried to form words. As she failed once more, I spoke up. 

"I know what you would say, but either way I am going to escort you back to your tent." I kept my voice emotionless. I didn't want her to get the wrong idea.  

"Morgel" She spoke quietly and I raised an eyebrow at her. "I am leaving. Whether you like it or not I am not about to sit here. I only wept for the hurt I felt that no one would help him." She stood up and straitened. She was trying to seem brave. With her face swollen from crying, she was not succeeding.  

"Shoulder your pack and return to camp." I said firmly.  

"I will not." she stated expressionlessly.  

"Don't make this harder than it has to be." I glared at her losing my temper.  

"Elrohir needs me. I'm not going back." 

"Fine! To hell with you!" I began walking back to camp. I no longer cared what happened to her. I choose my kingdom over her.  

"It's just like you to put your kingdom above Elrohir." she said quietly. I stopped in my tracks. I was seething. I no longer cared if she was a lady. I turned slowly, to face her. I was rigid, gritting my teeth to keep myself from screaming at her.  

"say that again." I dared her quietly. I was breathing heavily, ready to drag her back to camp by her hair.  

"In your pursuit of power you don't care who gets left behind! Even Elrohir!" She shouted at me.

I turned and ran at her head on. Weather she was surprised or too slow to react, I got to her before she could get away. I kept my eyes on her neck and grabbed it as tightly as I dared. Then I spotted a nearby tree and dragged her swiftly towards it. Still using the one had I threw her body at the trunk so that she was now pinned between my hand and the tree. As I glared into her eyes, I was only vaguely aware of her hands grasping at mine as I nearly strangled her.  

"Don't. You. Dare!" I screamed at her infuriated. "Acting like you are the only one who cares that he is gone! How dare you, she who has only briefly loved him! What do you know besides how to be a selfish snivelling wretch!"  

As I verbally abused her I began to calm as my anger escaped. I dropped her body from my grasp and stood back breathing heavily. I just stood stony faced staring at her as she gasped for air.  

She coughed once as she just lay there staring up at me. She looked straight into my eyes and spoke clearly. "Then come with me" she spoke clearly without shouting or whispering. She meant what she said as she hardly even blinked.  

I gave in. She couldn't have exploited my weakness better. Weather she knew it or not, she had successfully made me prove how much I cared about Elrohir. She now knew exactly how to get me to come with her.  

"It is suicide" I said quietly, a stark contrast to my earlier outburst. It was my final hope of convincing her and myself to drop this idea.  

She knew she had won this argument, you could tell. Her face was unreadable but she said the inevitable. "I'd rather die trying to rescue him than leave him to fate."  

I sighed. "What about the army." 

"We would have a day before anyone noticed our disappearance."  

"You maybe, but I'll only have the night." 

"Still they won't come after us I'll leave a note here for their trackers." She patted the tree behind her. 

I helped her onto her feet. "I will meet you here." With that I returned to camp. As I walked away I felt her smile.

I made it back to camp quickly. I nearly ran towards my tent. Still, I went slowly making it look like I was turning in for the night. A few people followed me for a while asking me questions and I answered as politely as I could. Upon my arrival at my tent, I dismissed my guards saying I wanted to turn in for the night. They left quietly seemingly happy to come off the watch. I brushed aside my tent flap and began to gather my belongings. I went slowly around the tent, placing everything I would need into my pack. I wanted to take time over this because I firstly wanted not to forget anything and secondly, I wanted to leave when I would be less likely to be spotted. 

I still wasn't quite sure why I was doing this. I mean I had built up so many arguments against it. Still, I knew the army would be fine without me. The general made all the battle plans around here, I just helped out really. The Queen was defiantly not going to approve of this though. She had wanted us to manage the army as important public figures. Yet, I couldn't help but resent her for that. She had made it seem like we were going to be in control, but it was more like we were just more soldiers. Though, you could say we had saved many lives through managing our small teams during the first Corkash encounter. 

At that moment I felt more free than I had in a long time. When I was a kid I was free, I felt like my life would be what I made it. Then the guardian thing came along and I was told exactly who I was going to be. I was forced into this cycle of obligations and learning about affairs of state. I had to live my life for a status I did not want. For the first time, I was setting out for me. I was going to be myself again and act on my wills. I was going to do the thing I wanted most and go save my only friend in my twisted world. Elrohir.