Use Me Like a Drug

04: Broken Soul

The stars looked different from the middle of the forest. A certain boy laid in the debris, staring at the sky with lifeless eyes. He thought escaping his prison would mean that he could feel happy. While he did for not even a full day, the feeling disappeared and he fell back into his darkness. A confinement he created for himself.

Yeonjun gulped, fighting back tears. He sat upright, convinced that he wouldn't ever find happiness. He'd never break out of this reputation he made for himself. He created this life for himself, but it felt like he lost a game he didn't know he was playing.

He couldn't love, he was never shown love, never taught how to love. No one ever loved him, so how could he love someone else without hurting them in the process?

To Yeonjun, his purpose of life was fulfilled. He escaped his parents wrath and that's all that mattered. He didn't know what else he could do anymore.

Sniffling, Yeonjun stood stumbling a little while trying to regain his balance. His eyes stayed glued to the stars.

There were no good memories for him to recall, his life had always been miserable. He never had any friends, only bullies. He never achieved anything in school worth talking about. The one job he had was in tenth grade, the year when he dropped out, which he got fired from. He shared no good memories with his parents, the only mere thing worth thinking about was his birthdays which were all horrendous failures in their own ways.

The only good person he could think of was Huening Kai, the memory of the boy bringing a nostalgic smile to his lips. Yeonjun hoped that he was doing well, he really did. The faint emotional strings tugging at his heart told him that Huening Kai deserved happiness.

Tearing his gaze from the sky, he started his trudge out of the forest. The familiar path marked by his footsteps showed him the way out. Nothing else truly mattered to him anymore. He became an empty vessel over these past few months. The freedom he begged for all his life made him feel even more trapped in his mind, in his darkness. It made him realize how miserable he actually was, and how broken he is, likely beyond repair.

Lights illuminated the streets that Yeonjun walked on. Other people walked alongside him but paid no mind towards him, they didn't know the fate he would bring onto himself. No one had a clue but him.

Yeonjun felt strange as he looked up a parking garage, entering the building and dragging himself up the stairs lifelessly. His mind raced yet there was nothing that he specifically thought about. His heart pounded despite the slow pace he was walking at. Tears started brimming his eyes for reasons he couldn't truly pinpoint.

Finding himself at the top of the building, Yeonjun took in a deep breath. The sight was oddly beautiful, he'd never seen the town from this view before. No other sound was made except for his shoes hitting the concrete and the uneven breathes he took in and out.

His hands shook as he grabbed on the railing near the edge of the building.

He pulled himself up onto the concrete wall, still behind the railing.

The sight below him made his stomach drop, he was at least seven stories up, the fall would kill him.

His hands still gripped the railing as he looked down.

Swallowing hard, he allowed his mind to run blank.

This was what he wanted, this was his only escape.

Quiet sobs left his lips and his chest rose and fell faster than before.

His eyes closed and he released a helpless breath.