Always

Chapter 33

The day dragged on. No matter what I did to try to distract myself or get over what had happened earlier in the day, I just couldn't shake my anger out of my head.

Maybe it was because I wanted to do this with Peter. To go to Nationals and Washington D.C together. Just something to experience with each other. Maybe it was cause I wanted to show off a little in front of him. Remind him that I was smart and a star. Maybe it was because I wanted him to be there to support me and cheer me on. That if he wasn't there...I would just be too nervous or something. Maybe it was because Peter was throwing away an education and opportunities that I never got to have until now. That I worked so hard to earn. Or maybe it was because I was jealous Peter could go off and do whatever he wanted as Spiderman. That he wasn't held back by the Accords or the government. That he could swing through New York City and be the friendly neighborhood spiderman he wanted to be. While I was stuck sometimes feeling like a babysitter. I couldn't get into any more trouble. I couldn't be Ninja Girl to her fullest potential.

Ya I got to get the normal life I wanted. Be the High School student. Experience the highs and lows of being a real student. But I realized that in doing so, it also cost the other half of my heart. My heart to help the world. To do something right. To not just go through life ignoring the needs of others. To be that friendly neighborhood Ninja Girl.

It just seemed when I was finally getting the half that I always wanted, the other half that I held dear in my heart would be taken from me. I could never have both.

All these emotions: jealousy, anger, and fear were swirling around in my mind and heart. And usually, the person who helped me through them these days was Peter. But this time, he was the receiving end of these emotions. Then overall, it was Steve I would vent to talk to. Except...he was on the run. Same with Nat. Sam. Wanda... the only other person I would call is Clint. But I didn't know the situation he was in. And honestly didn't want to bother him. So I was alone. Dealing with these thoughts and feelings by myself.

It seemed like school would never end. Once decathlon practice was over, I rushed out of the auditorium toward the locker room not waiting for the others. PE was the last class of the day. I honestly prayed that we would be running something. It would distract me and help calm my nerves and relieve some stress.

I went over to my locker and started putting in my code. I heard a group of girls laughing as the entered the room.

"Hey Violet! How are you?" I turned around to see Betty walking over toward me.

I gave her a smile and tried to flush away any frustration. "I am doing fairly well. Thanks for asking! How are you? Is doing the announcements fun?"

Betty shrugged. "The guy I do it with has had this massive crush on me for years. And no matter how many times I tell him no...he keeps trying to take me out on a date. Like he has asked me out to homecoming like five times. Including this morning..." Better complained as she took out her PE shirt from her locker.

"oof. That is really annoying. I am sorry." I offered my condolences.

"Ya well doing the announcements looks good on my college applications." Betty informed me.

I pulled off the shirt I was wearing and proceeded to put on my PE one. "You already thinking about college?"

Betty looked at me like my question was insane. "Yes! Of course! I have been planning for college since 8th grade. Haven't you started thinking about it?"

I shook my head slowly. "Not really. I...I just been thinking about High School to be honest. High school is quite...a new to me." I said trying not to stammer and choosing my words carefully.