hellbound; cory | ACKLEY BRIDGE

EVERYTHINGS CHANGING

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it's a bad religion
to love someone
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"does he leave you alone often?"

"how are you feeling?"

"name? age? date?"

"when's your birthday?"

"both parents present?"

"siblings?"

"recording? okay. monday, 17th of november 2017. sat here with 'cece' — 12pm. this is our first session. and cece, i just want you to take me through a few things. we're going to discuss your upbringing, any feelings you've been battling. so, do you want to start me off?"

this is what my life's been like the last month. questions. questions. questions.

therapy session.

questions.

a lots happened, a lot to process.

"you want to go from the beginning? i was a happy child. happy upbringing. nothing noteworthy. great relationship with my dad, and my mum. always were closer with me dad. church on sundays, parents married, dads successful, we were a perfect family. uh, when i was 7 i met my half brother, donté, and i loved him to pieces —"

"must have been a lot to deal with at such a young age — suddenly having a brother, no?"

"no, actually, it was the best feeling ever. he were amazing, i couldn't have asked for a better brother. he were the funniest person i'd ever met, he'd comfort me when i had nightmares, tickle me if i were crying, dance around the living room like a daft cow — and we'd argue, loads, bickering all the time, especially when the drugs started —"

"so you're saying, that's what made everything go downhill?"

"no. not really. cause he'd had my back right to the very end, always protected me, said he didn't want the life he'd made himself to be the footsteps i followed in. but, uh, when the time came — when he died — i just became so angry."

"at him?"

"yes. no. angry at the world. if té couldn't have his life, i didn't want mine. why him, you know? why did nobody help him? why did they let it get that far? and i was 13, and i said to myself, if there was a god, i didn't fucking like him very much."

"so donté was the problem?"

"he was never a problem. he was helpless. he was in need of guidance and nobody gave him any. he was the awakening. i was brought up believing in such strict morals, yeah? followed the bible completely. and he died and i realised what i'd been thinking for a long time — i didn't believe in any of this. and i guess i did extreme things to get back at the life i'd been forced to live. drugs, drinking, flirting with boys, acting out at school, and all i got from it were a resentful dad, an absent mother, bad grades, bad reputation an a nicotine addiction."

"let's talk about your mum. why did she leave?"

"couldn't face it. i was there when he died and i didn't save him and now she'd lost a son and it were my fault. never did nothing nasty to me, but she couldn't stand to see me no more. so she left. that's all there is to it."