Sky High

Grief

A/N:
Special thank you for @mahgadahling and @eghamong for the cover edits. I love them!

xoxo,
seriesfreak

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Yoon Se Ri

For seven months, so much of my life was focused on the outcome of being a mother. I had to alter my life to cater to what my baby needed and I no longer knew what I liked, wanted or needed.

And now, suddenly all of that is gone. No baby. No me. I had to let Hyun Ki go and continue my life where everything seemed to return to normal so fast. And Hyun Ki just... forgotten. Everyone concentrated on me and no one... no one knew little Hyun Ki except me and Jeong Hyeok.

So here I am. Trying to emulate that feeling in the hospital room. Cold. Sterile. Impersonal.

I move from my position on the bed to lay down on the floor. The floor is carpeted though, so it doesn't give the effect I'm seeking. I move to the bathroom and laying on its floor. Cold and impersonal. Two out of three is not bad.

This is by far the closest thing to what I remembered feeling when all the things happened in that room. The closest thing I feel to my son.

Eyes closed. Eyes opened. The serene expression in his little face is what I see. Hands clasped. Hands free. The lightweight when I held his fragile little body is what I feel.

Sleep is the only thing I welcome these days for sometime little Hyun Ki playing guest in my dream. It is better than to remember the last stills of him. His little body wrapped in a cute blanket I bought for him. Waiting to be taken away. Many versions of it are the last pictures I remembered of him. Seeing him moving in my dreams now become my salvation.

I keep my position on the floor and not moving. I close my eyes pretending to be asleep so that no one will disturb me.

"Se Ri? Se Ri? Se Ri?" I think that's my mother's voices. She panics not finding me on the bed. All of them now seeking for me. I don't know who opens the bathroom door but at last they find me.

"Se Ri? What are you doing here? You'll get cold. Come on, let's get back to the bed?" That soft voice, I know that. My husband's. I don't move. I don't even give him the sign that I hear him, just so he leaves me alone.

Thankfully, they all are. Leaving me alone. Well, not really, since they keep coming back every few hours.

I see my mother silently crying from the bathroom door. Trying to give me words of encouragement and asking me to get up. I tune out her voice.

I feel rather than see my mother in law near me. She caresses my long tresses and hugs me. Pleading for me to move from the cold tile. I tune out her voice.

I think I hear Dan and Ae Rin voices, too. They bring me food. But I can't be too sure. It starts to get too cold. But still I'd rather be here than to move.

And then there's my husband. Hyun Ki's father. He does all the things previously done by my mother, his mother, Dan and Ae Rin, too. To no avail of course. They shouldn't send him in if they want me to move. It just makes me want to curl tighter on the floor.