part of me (billie dean howard x reader)

chapter fourteen

chapter fourteen - the difference between us

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and then it wasnt just you two.

you knew this feeling was going to happen eventually, you just didn't know when, and you didn't anticipate it would be this bad. it started when one of your friends made a comment.

'wait, y/n is the only single one out of all of us.' emily had said.

'oh my god, you're right.' your friend victoria said.

'we need to get you laid.' emily replied.

you just laughed, not wanting to be unfaithful to billie.

but then the realization hit you. you would never be able to show off billie as your girlfriend to your friends, you guys had to be beyond careful about pda incase someone saw, and you couldn't go on vacations together or just call her when you were lonely. you were her dirty little secret. you wanted more from her, and now you were sitting on your couch trying to find a way to talk to her about it without coming off as whiny or needy. you picked up the phone and clicked her contact, and then called her.

"y/n? are you okay?"

"yeah, i'm fine. are you busy?"

"uh i just got home why?"

"could you come over?"

"of course."

you never asked her to come over, so she knew something was up.

"honey i have to go somewhere," she said slightly muffled. "i'm not sure when i'll be back."

hearing her call him 'honey' hurt you.

"okay, i love you."

"i love you too."

your heart hurt hearing that. you hung up the phone and waited in agony for her to arrive. you paced back and forth in your apartment before she opened the door.

"what's wrong?"

"i want more, billie."

"more what? i don't understand what you mean."

"more than this. more than being your dirty little secret. i wanna hold your hand in public. i- i wanna bring you out, introduce you to my friends. i want to move in with you. i want a life with you. i love you, billie."

"y/n, i love you too. but i'm married, i have responsibilities. i can't just leave those behind."

"i'm not asking you to. a husband isn't a responsibility or- or an obligation, it's a person you share your life with. i want to be that person."

"i can't just leave him."

"you can."

"baby, you're young. you don't understand."

"don't start with the 'you're young' bullshit."

"y/n, please. i love you."

"what do you want, billie?"

"to make you happy, i love you."

"then can't you just do this one thing for me? i want a life billie, not a sneaky little affair."

you were both shouting now.

"y/n it's not that easy. i can't just give up everything for you."

"i gave up everything for you."

"i didn't ask you to do that."

"yeah but i did it, because i love you."

"i do love you y/n, but it's not that simple."

"i know that! but sneaking around isn't 'simple' either. i want a normal relationship!"

"you knew going into this that you weren't going to have that."

"i did initially, but we could now. you're choosing not to have it like that."

"i'm not."

"you are!"

"y/n, i love you but not enough to give up everything for you."

"see, there's the difference between the two of us. i do love you enough to give up everything for you. i did give up everything for you." you put your palm on your forehead.

billie stepped closer to you and tried to take your hands into hers, but you pulled away.

"i think you should go."

"i didn't mean it like that."

"billie, please go." your voice cracked.

"y/n i love you."

"billie, i love you too, but this isn't going to work. we never should have even tried."

she grabbed her purse and walked to the door, before stopping in her tracks.

"i love you."

"i love you too." were the last words you said to her.