Trident Trials: The Glimmer

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen

It wasn't long after I sat down in the chair at my desk that I heard a knocking on the door. Part of me hoped it was Rose and that maybe the boyish crush that I had on her was obvious and she was here to tell me she noticed and saw me cry and still wanted to date me, but I knew that was unlikely. I got up to answer the door and on the other side of it was Jax. The look on his face was concerned. He looked almost like he was scared. I never witnessed him looking like anything other than a caring teacher or an intimidating mentor to me. This was new, and especially with the most recent events, it put me on edge. Jax was the one instructor that always greets me with a smile. Never have I seen any other look grace his face. I didn't even know it was possible. He gave so much effort to trying to improve our days that I just figured that's the way he was all the time.

"Hey James, I thought we could talk about what happened before. I still don't know what happened, but I'm hoping that some questions that I'm going to ask you will help shed some light on what might have happened." He said. I saw the worry falling from his face and turning back into the Jax that I knew. "Okay, come on in." I pointed him to the seat at my desk and went to sit down on my bed. It was nice that he came to see me, even if it turned out to be for official reasons only. I could still tell that he cares and wants to make sure that I am doing alright.

As he made his way to the seat, I wondered if these were questions he wanted to ask me, or if they were questions, they directed him to ask me from the simulation training department. The answer came as soon as I was about to ask it. He pulled a sheet out of his bag with an obvious list of questions already prepared and ready to go. They directed him to ask me these questions, and it was absolutely a list that was made by the training department. I also wondered if he knew more than he was letting on. Jax always seemed to know everything about anything anyone wanted to know about, so it seemed unlikely that he didn't. I knew he would reveal nothing he didn't want to, though.

"Have you ever had any dreams similar to what you experienced in the simulation before?" Jax asked. As I took a seat on the edge of my bed, I really gave this some thought. I don't recall many of the dreams that I have and none of them were that horrifying I figure I would remember those. "No, I honestly have experienced nothing like that before." I said. "Not even in bad dreams when your parents died?" He seemed to almost intentionally be trying to not making eye contact with me. I know it was a tough question, and he didn't want to upset me. "I remember nothing about when they died, or before then. I thought you knew that." I said. Apparently, I was more shocked by the question and the lack of ease with the question that I would've preferred. "I know that. All the info that we have about that is in your file, but dreams are different. They are like distant memories that just don't feel real. Many people that have trauma can remember their dreams better than they can remember things they've actually experienced."

I never put much stock in my dreams. Honestly, most of the time I could barely even remember having dreams, let alone what they were about. My sleeping experience is much more closely related to constant restlessness until I finally fall asleep and wake up a couple of seconds later. The very few dreams that I can sort of barely recall weren't ones that I put much thought into either. I always just figured it was my mind running while I was sleeping, and nothing more than that.

Finding myself stuck in another situation with no answers wasn't some place that I wanted to be. I tried to focus my efforts on remembering any insignificant detail. One doctor I visited told me that this was something that could help trigger my memories if I kept at it. I tried it for six months straight with no positive results, so I eventually gave it up. Worth a shot, though, to try it. I didn't know what else I could do, and I didn't want Jax to leave with no answers, knowing that if he didn't get any, I would not get any, either.