Trident Trials: The Glimmer

Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

Date: February 2, 2020

Time: 1526

Planet: Eden

Trident Member in training Reflection Log #4:

My name is James August, and this is the fourth log that I have recorded. Can't seem to find out what happened to the first two. Maybe they just weren't good enough to be saved in the eyes of Jax. A couple of days after my test, I realized he was probably the one that was following these logs so closely. I still wasn't entirely sure why just yet, but it was absolutely something that had captured my attention. Mostly because nobody else seemed to do them, and the very few that actually do, weren't told that they were being observed after recording them. Mine always listed that at least one other user had watched the entirety of these videos, at least once. If this isn't Jax watching my videos, it would be really nice if you would introduce yourself. It would be nice to know who I am talking to, other than myself.

Of course, as per usual, I had little time or focus to throw into my, as I called them, side projects. The program through the first two weeks was very similar to having a kid just get his feet wet in the pool. We were now at the stage where they (the instructors) full-on just chucked you into the water and hoped you knew how to swim. I thankfully had found my feet fairly quickly throughout this entire ordeal and kept up. Although, keep up seemed like a bit of a stretch. I often found myself more exhausted and run down than everyone else that attended the program. I've decided that is okay, though. I was keeping up with the workload and actually put on a couple of pounds of muscle on my body thanks to Rex. I was actually looking a tiny little like someone who belonged here. The muscle mass that I gained was surprising to not only me but also to Rex. Neither of us thought I would put on weight that quickly.

Rex, however, was a completely different story. I didn't find my bearings with him at all and constantly tried to play some useless game of catch up in reading him. Reading people was something that we I was to do. Jax said that the better we know the people we are fighting alongside, the better we can predict what our allies are going to do. Therefore, we should be able to do the same with the people that would oppose us. Rex was just a completely closed book. Weeks have gone by and I still know little about him. He wasn't much of a talker either. He mostly discussed what we were doing or what he wanted to learn. Other than that, I got nothing from him. Our small talk is non-existent. It was much harder to manipulate his learning style and his actions because of this. It, of course, wasn't a deal-breaker because he was helping me a ton. I liked to think that I was providing him with a much-needed service as well.

I decided not to try reading Rose. It was a decision that I came to rather quickly. I found it was more difficult to be her friend than I wanted it to be. I constantly tried to readjust and not be awkward around her. She helped little in this endeavour. The more that we got to know each other, the more I think she realized I was crushing on her. She used it to her advantage. I honestly didn't care. I wanted to try to just be her friend, to be unbothered by this, but I couldn't. My feelings were overwhelming. I wanted to not act like I was star-struck with every interaction, but I just couldn't function. It has improved since I'd met her. At first, the only thing that we ever did was walk down the hallways together. She never asked me why I didn't talk and didn't start conversations with me, just walked with me. About a week later, I talked to her and learn some things about her. This helped me to get to know her better, and the better I got to know her, the more I could try to focus on her like a target and not someone that I found unbelievably attractive. This is the goal. It has not worked so far.

It was actually helpful in trying to keep focused. I also didn't allow myself to spend that much time around her so I wouldn't do something stupid, like bother her with the fact that I thought she was unbelievably attractive. She had been so nice and understanding that the primary thing I wanted to focus on was keeping people around me I thought I could trust. Being that I didn't have a family that would come to meet me like a lot of the other recruits did throughout their training process, they recommended I find friends that were as close to family as possible to help me through this time. Even though it was just a job, I really wanted it. I am becoming more and more aware of how challenging it's going to be to accomplish all the training that they wanted me to get done here, so I decided it was worth it to try. I truly enjoy being her friend. Any stupid move by me that could ruin that would be worse than being awkward around her.