Intertwined

Mission Anxiety

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I'm sitting on my bed with my back against the headboard as I scroll through my Amazon shopping cart, making sure that I have everything that I want. Everything that I will need for this first mission.

It's been four days since the meeting with Fury, and I have already begun to have small panic attacks. I haven't changed out of my large Pokémon sweatshirt and matching shorts in two days. It's been a long time since I went out in the field. Even if this mission isn't meant to have any fighting, I still fear that I may have to defend myself. Bucky will be by my side the entire time, but it can still be scary. I was just a normal teenage girl before Natasha found me, so I still have times of panic.

A knock comes at my door, causing me to pause in my shopping adventures.

"Come in!" I shout, looking at the door to see who walks in.

Bucky steps through once the door slides open. "Hey doll," he flashes me a smile. He's wearing a black t-shirt and grey sweatpants that make him look so cuddly.

"Bucky," I push myself up a bit. "What brings you to my room?" I motion to the room that is definitely what teenage me wanted and could never have. There are many bookshelves with books, comics, and memorabilia from movies, tv shows, or whatever else I love. My desk is clutter with notebooks, coloring books, writing or coloring utensils, and all my technology. There are photos all over my room of me with my siblings when we were younger and me with the Avengers. I have way too many plushies, but it helps me to never feel alone. I have a few small beanbags surrounding a small flat screen that has various consoles hooked up to it. My record player with two full vinyl containers and a third one started nearby.

"I haven't seen you in two days," he grabs my desk chair, flipping it so he can sit in it while looking at me. "Steve said you do this. Lock yourself in your room before a mission. I missed you." His bottom lip just barely pushes out in a pout.

I feel my heart clench. "I'm sorry, Buck. I didn't mean to make you sad. God, I didn't even think about how anyone would feel. I've just always done this. I can't help getting nervous."

"What is there to be nervous about?" He leans forward, this curious glint in his beautiful blue eyes. "I'll be right by your side the whole time. If anything goes down, I will protect you."

I slightly smile, "That's why I am glad to have you as my partner. There's no reason to my nerves, though. They'll go away before we head out. They always do. I just needed time."

"Why don't you go to someone?"

I shrug, "No one can do anything about it. This is between me and my mind."

"I know a lot about fighting my own mind."

"If you want, before the next mission when I shut down, come to my room. Just hang out with me."

"What do you do?"

"Color, shop, play video games, write. Sometimes I will read over what I have to do for the mission until I can say it aloud without looking at the page."

"Speaking of the mission," he smirks. "Did you see what we have to pretend to be?"

I feel my cheeks heating up, "Oh, um, yes, I did."

"A newly married couple on a honeymoon, which I feel like happened for a reason, but I'm not complaining. We get to hold hands, and share a hotel room, and spend a lot of time together on this short trip." He's widely smiling now, looking like he just got the biggest slice of cake. Which in his mind, he might have.