Beyoncé
I sit in front of Kelly again. She leans into the glass with a smile. She scoots over revealing my mother next to her.
I smile hard.
My mama visits when she can considering she's busy helping out with my business. I appreciate it fully and I love to see her when I do. She finds my hand in the little hole at the bottom of the glass.
"Mama, hey."
"Beyoncé, how are you?" Her voice cracks.
I harshly press my lips together to keep me from crying. When I got arrested and my trial began she was shocked and what "I" had done. She was also relieved and that was all I could've asked for.
"I'm good, how are y'all?"
"We good."
There's a pause and I turn to see Megan visiting with a person this time rather than calling. The same girl from the picture and the little baby.
Kelly taps on the glass for my attention, "Tell us what's goin' on."
They both huddle up to the glass like it's time to gossip. We're on borrowed time so I don't waste it by being suspenseful.
"Shawn um... did sumthin else."
"What!?"
I nod and try to search for the correct words.
"There turns out to be another girl here that he threw under the bus."
My mama leans in more.
When I got arrested she spoke to me before picking a side. Shawn doing this was unexpected but him not even owning up to the fact that he took Matthew's life was a step up from that. He was okay with me going to jail and tried to play it off like I had a psychotic break. He had (still has) Solo believing it as well.
There were attempts from both my mama and Kelly to have him at least tried for something but he dodged that hit as well.
"Beyoncé, this is huge. This is proof that he plans to set up girls like this!" Kelly says. "You can use this to your advantage!"
My mother nods in agreement.
I sigh and pause it's a good thought but I still feel like I should rot here because I permitted someone's life to be taken. All I wanted to do that evening was shake him up.
"I'm still gonna serve time, y'all."
"But minimized time, Beyoncé, take advantage." Kelly interjects.
"Beyoncé, don't you want to come home?"
I nod.
"So use your brain and- -"
"Sorry, mama," I squeeze her hand a little under the glass. "But I participated and imma serve my time. Got how much more, 10? 15?"
My mother starts to shake her head and looks away. I can tell she's fighting tears. It hurts me as well but she doesn't understand the guilt I carry as I fall asleep every night. I need to serve my time.
"I just want Shawn to serve his time for what he did to this girl. She does not deserve to be here."
"Yo gay ass in love. MMM." Kelly huffs.
"No." I'm such a shitty liar. "I just want Shawn held accountable."
This was not the topic to bring up at this visit.
