Beyoncé
I feel forced to open the folder in front of me.
My mama called the lawyer anyway even though I insisted she didn't have to.
They woke me up earlier than usual for this.
"You're welcome to look through as I talk." She says.
I nod.
I open it carefully and see the entirety of my case file. The statement I gave in the interrogation room and in court, my mugshot, Solange's witness statement, everything. For the hell of it I pull up my own statement.
By now I've blocked out my lawyer's talking and look through it.
9 years before...
I sit in the chair in shock. The investigator sits across from me and stares at me with his hands on his knees.
"Look- -"
"I'll speak when my lawyer arrives."
He huffs between his teeth.
My mind is jumping around as I process the events of the last couple of hours. It's been nearly a full day.
The investigator gets up and goes to the wall with the big black glass window and makes a signal. I follow him cautiously because I cannot afford for them to try to get me to do or say anything without a lawyer.
If anything being in here makes things realer.
"I'll be back."
He leaves the room and I stay facing forward. My mind is towards Solange and my mother and Kelly.
Does my mama know? Will she want anything to do with me after this? Was this a favor? How much did Solange see? Will she need mental help afterwards? Will I be able to mend the relationship with either of them? How differently would things have gone had I just phoned Kelly? Does Kelly hate me?
The investigator returns after a few moments with no lawyer.
"Look, Miss Knowles, your lawyer is out of town. So you can give me your statement now or we can continue with the cat mouse bullshit."
I finally make eye contact with him analyze his audacious ass. He's middle aged with a belly and a mustache with food crumbs in it.
He pulls out a seat and sits on it backwards, hugging the back of the seat and tapping on it.
No way I'm gonna give this man a statement without a lawyer here.
"Why'd you do it? You just a bad seed in the family?"
I make a face that is unfortunately very telling. He's smart I'll give it to him, but he can't get me to speak.
If only he knew the abuse Matthew put all three of us through. It was only a matter of time before my mother would've snapped. Even when I first moved out I couldn't fully escape him. Moved nearly three times because he insisted on spying on me to see "what I was up to".
He needs to know that Shawn gave him most of what killed him.
"Y'know your cousin is out there with your sister. She's cryin', says she wants to know why you couldn't just talk things out with the old man."
After that comment about my sister I perk up my stance. He hit a nerve on purpose.
Come on Beyoncé...
I just wanted to protect Solange, didn't want to take the chance of him hitting her. Shawn did most of it.
But I called him. Who would I be to let one of my own go to jail?
"Tell me..."
"A childhood full of abuse."
He scoots the chair closer to me.
And I start flapping my fucking gums.
"So you killed him?"
"Yes." I say quickly.
"Intentionally?"
"Yes."
"Just you?"
"Yes!"
I stand up and so does he. The room goes quiet. What is will be beyond this point.
Present
I tighten my eyes as I read my statement over.
"Beyoncé?"
"Hmm?"
"Has your statement changed since?"
I nod heavily. I'm not thinking about protecting Solange with this anymore. I want my justice. I let him die, I just didn't kill him. Somehow, I must have some goodness in me, right?
"Yes."
"What do you change?"
"Everything."
She leans in. She waits for a second to see if I'll go back. When she realizes that I'm holding firm she pulls out a voice recording device and hits record.
"Did you tell the truth? You lied under oath?"
"I lied." For my sister.
I lost her anyway.
The woman goes pale with this new information, "So um... tell me what you want to change."
"I um... I called Shawn to vent when I came home from the hospital." I start. "Not sure why, just did. And then Matthew showed up after I thought he was in jail. Shawn heard, came, I told my sister to stay in her room. I threw the first few punches and Shawn took over. He killed him. I was barely able to really even leave a true mark on him. I took the fall for Shaw- -"
I pause and take a breath because it feels relieving to tell the truth. I wipe impeding tears and my lawyer takes my hand. I've protected enough people as is. I deserve to do something for myself. Take advantage at my one other shot to do better in life before I drop dead and rot in the ground.
"Why'd you take the fall for him, Beyoncé?"
"He's my childhood friend. Like a brother. As much as I hate him, I love him. He stuck with me. He thought he was saving me but it backfired. At the time I thought it was a slip up so I admitted. But I heard he killed again and I'm realizing I probably enabled him." I take a sip of air. "He took advantage of my niceness and continued doing damage."
"Beyoncé," she pauses and takes a breath.
Then she smirks. I furrow my brow because I'm not seeing the funny in me exposing a possible serial killer.
"I admir- -"
I interrupt with my hand out and my voice cracking from the crying that is about to get uglier, "I'm sorry, but I just need you to tell me if this is gonna do anything for me in my case or not."
"It will." She says. "You've completed nearly half of your sentence. You might be able to reduce it to anything around five years or so. Depends on the judge."
Now I've gotta pray my ass off for a sweet, understanding judge.
