Responsibilities Of An Idol Leader | KNJ X OC ✔️

24. Distractions

24/06/21

Namjoon's 1st Person POV (Seoul)

The past couple months have not been the smoothest. With Sooyoung being in medical school, juggling a side job and taking care of our son, and my rigorous schedule as part of BTS, it's been difficult for us to find time to communicate consistently. Our group has been so focused on our anniversary, creating FESTA content, doing the Muster concerts and creating, releasing and promoting our new English single. Sooyoung has been stressed out with a lot of assignments, projects, and hospital volunteer work, on top of taking on all of the responsibilities of looking after our son. If I could be near, I wish I could take half the parental tasks she has to handle on the daily. I always feel guilty for not being able to help in that way which constantly frustrates me.

Both of us being under a lot of pressure has caused some tumultuous arguments lately which led to us to re-evaluate our relationship.

Sooyoung and I haven't called it quits in terms of being in each other's lives. But, our last argument caused her to want to put a break in us trying to keep a romantic relationship going. She said that she knows I'm trying to be a part of Moonsik's life and she'll allow me to keep communicating with them for his sake. But, mentally, when it comes to us being together, she asked that it be put on hold or for us to really think about what we both really want.

Sooyoung felt like when I came to visit in April, she thought that we might have rushed into the decision of starting something romantic too quickly.

She says she has love for me, but with us both having demanding lives, she feels distracted.

When we had this initial conversation, I asked if there was someone else, to which she quickly answered saying there was absolutely no one and she felt offended that I've come to that conclusion. She reminded me that she just felt so distracted missing me and it was affecting her education.

As for now, we are staying in contact.

I don't want this, but I don't want to lose her again. Whether we are together romantically, or just together to co-parent, I'll take what I can get as long as she's in my life, but I'll prove to her someday that she's the one I want in my life.

I have no fucking doubts about it.

Knock knock knock

I'm so occupied with my thoughts that it took me a while to notice the incessant knocking.

"YES?" I yell out questioningly to whomever is on the other side of my bedroom door. The door slowly opens revealing Jimin.

"Hyung! Taehyung, Serim, Kyungsoon and I are going to go pick up some drinks and snack. Did you want anything?"

"Maybe some soju. Thanks, Jiminie," I smile at him then pick up the book I had dropped on my chest when I got lost in my thoughts earlier.

"Okay, Hyung. Also, if you need to talk to any of us, we are here for you," he flashes me a sympathetic smile.

"Thanks, again. That really means a lot! Anyway, stay safe and make sure not be seen too much," I warn him.

"I know! Serim and Kyungsoon are staying in the car while Taehyung and I buy the snacks and drinks. Anyway, text me if you want anything else!"

"Will do, Jiminie," I say as a I give him a thumbs up.

"Okay! We'll be back, Hyung." Jimin waves and shuts the door.

I constantly remind myself how grateful I am to have the guys as support through this. I can't imagine being without them. It's a crazy thought not having these six men, I consider brothers, in my life.