Natasha Romanoff X fem reader One shots

She'd be fine pretending

Background: you and Nat broke up a month ago. You had gotten into a big fight and in the heat of it she broke up with you. Natasha seemed to be ok, I mean she left you so you made sure you were to. You pretended you were healthy and happy. Because you couldn't bare to look weak in front of her. So you pretended nothing was wrong, when in reality your world was falling apart.

Your POV:

I walked into Natasha's room. I'd  accidentally left something in there while I was moving out and had to get it. Natasha was supposed to be training right now so I had time. I stood in the room and went into the walk in closet, a minute later I heard the door open, I quickly grabbed my belongings and Natasha was standing in the doorway "hey" she smiled a little and I rolled my eyes "I'm here to get my shit. That's all" I walked by her and she grabbed my arm "Y/N wai-" I cut her off "get the fuck off me Natasha!"

I broke from her grasp and walked to my room. I threw my things on the bed and curled up and cried. It was the first time we'd spoken since the fight and I'd never wanted to be held by her more. I laid there curled up crying and clinging to the jacket she'd left in my room. She didn't ask for it. I wasn't gonna just freely give it to her.

I heard a knock on the door "who is it?" Wandas thick Slovakian accent answered back "Wanda" I shoved the jacket under my pillow and wiped my eyes "come in". She came into the room and looked at me "hey girl, how you holding up?" I nodded "I'm fine, yeah I'm totally great" she cocked her eyebrow "cut the bullshit Y/N" I rolled my eyes "it's not bullshit" she sat down next to me "then what would I see if I looked into your mind?" I looked down "don't do that" she sighed "you should talk to her" I scoffed "talk to her? Sure Wanda totally I'll talk to the woman who broke my heart. I'm fine now, I've moved on" Wanda looked at me "that's a lie" I rolled my eyes "Wanda I've got shit to do, is there something you need? If not get out" she stood and walked to the door "I'm here for you Y/N" she spoke and I mumbled as she left "yeah Nat said the same thing"

-time skip-

It was dinner time, I normally skipped it since we broke up, besides, my assigned chair was right next to Natasha. I wasn't gonna put myself through it. It became a routine, Wanda and Valkyrie would come up, they'd try to convince me to eat, then leave when they didn't win the hopeless battle. They'd come up and bring me a plate, I'd throw it out the window and set my plate on the nightstand like I'd eaten it all, when in reality I'd become twenty pounds lighter. I mean it's not like I wasn't eating at all...I'd have like a handful of grapes every other day or a small smoothie. So technically I wasn't starving myself.

I heard the knock on the door and I opened it holding out my hand for the plate "nope I'm coming in and watching you" my eyes shot up, the familiar voice sent shivers down my spine, Natasha stood in front of me. I snatched the plate "no thanks, I don't think you have reservations" she stuck her boot in the door "I wasn't asking" I walked and set the plate on the table without saying anything she looked at me "why won't you come down and eat with the team?" I grabbed a file and waved it around "paperwork" she sighed and stood at the foot of my bed "you never had this much paperwork that you couldn't sit with us" I laughed "yeah well it's been a month and shits changed, I mean it's not like you've been around to notice so of course you didn't know" she looked down "Y/N I-" I cut her off "save it, save the pity, the I'm sorry's, the it's what's best for us. Save the bullshit. You don't have to pretend you feel bad. I see you. I see how your doing fine, how you still go throughout the day. Please save the bullshit, my heart can't take it" she sat on the bed and reached for my hand and I pushed her away, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall "don't fucking touch me Natalia!"

She backed away. She knew I meant business when I called her by that name. She sighed and looked at me I mumbled "you should go" she sat on the bed "not until you eat" I rolled my eyes "your so fucking stubborn" she smirked "you know you loved it" I went and grabbed the plate then took a bite of the rice "happy? Good, now get the fuck out" she folded her arms "once the whole plate is empty, then I'll go" I smiled a cheeky smile "empty you say?" She nods and I throw it out the window, her jaw drops and I flash a smile again "there, empty, now out!" She looked at me "you get over here right now missy!" I laughed and folded my arms "whatcha gonna do? Punish me? Yeah you lost that when you broke me and tore me apart!" She looked up at me "will you just listen for one damn minute!" I laughed "what could you possibly have to say to me Natasha?" She looked at me "I'm sorry, I still love you" my tears came back and I looked at her speaking while gritting my teeth "that's a lie! Don't say that shit. I can't handle you breaking me again! I won't do it! I trusted you Natalia! I gave you my heart and you played with it then threw it away! You don't love me anymore!"

She sat there stunned "I thought you were ok" I laughed "really? I still love you Natasha, and I fucking hate myself for it! I can't sleep without your stupid jacket and I still don't get proper sleep regardless, I miss your laugh, your smile, your sarcasm, your shitty jokes and fantastic comebacks. I miss your touch, how you'd play in my hair or I'd sit on your lap and you'd rub my back. I miss your lips on mine and your hands around my waist as we'd dance around our bedroom. I miss the nights were we were up at 3 am and giggling uncontrollably because we were just making fun of the stupid little things Tony did and the dumb things Steve would do. I miss you Natasha. And I hate you for it. I am far from fine, but I'd be fine pretending that I am if you'd still be happy"

I no longer held back the tears, they became a steady flow, burning down my cheeks. Natasha looked dead in my eyes "I am sorry Y/N. It's not bullshit. I still love you. I'll make Wanda check. I've regretted breaking up with you the minute I did. I try to hide it by keeping myself busy, hoping that if I just went through every day as normal, eventually I'd forget about what we had. But I quickly understood I was lying to myself if I thought that was gonna happen. I'm sorry I hurt you and I know I'm in no position to ask you for a second chance but please Y/N I still need you" 

I stood there, wrapping my arms around myself, desperate for some human connection but I couldn't find the words to say it. So I continued to hold myself while the tears steadily streamed down my face, trying to make sense of the words that had just spilled from the redheads mouth. she looked at me "Y/N please, say something" I looked down and tried to bury my emotions but I knew better, This was Natasha Romanoff, she knew every little stupid detail about me. She held out her hand "come darling" I pursed my lips, trying to refrain from making anymore helpless noises, but yet, against my will to stay strong, I failed and fell into her breaking into sobs. She held me "I'm sorry hun, I'm right here" I tightened my grip and mumbled "don't you ever leave me again" she gently pulled my face back to I was looking into her eyes "never" 

Sooooo haha yeah, sorry for disappearing but I am back for now.....see ya real soon

As always: I love you all 3000 and thank you