The Night Before

Chapter 35.

Two weeks later

February 16, 1967

"I can't do it." I whined.

"Yes you can. Anyone can play the piano. I'm the most thick headed fuck in the universe and I can play. So, play."

I bit my lip and watched as he played the same notes and melody he's been trying to get across to me for a few hours now. He hummed and came to an end, giving me a simple smile.

"Your turn."

I reached over and slowly began playing, getting some notes right, but the majority wrong.

"You're on the right track. Like...." He moved behind me and placed his fingers over mine. I could feel his breath on the back of my neck. Our fingers moving together we played. Then we came to a stop in the middle of the song to look at one another.

"Like that?" I asked. He nodded and leaned in, pressing his lips on mine. I closed my eyes and kissed back, leaning in more until he pulled away, shaking his head.

"I'm sorry. I can't do this." He stood up and walked to the other side of the piano, pacing back and forth. I watched him.

"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to..."

"No it's my fault. I just....guilt you know? I always feel this way after..." He stayed silent. "Nevermind."

"After what John? I don't expect you to trust me but....It does look like you need a friend."

He just looked at me and walked over, sitting down.

"I'm having an affair on my wife."

I raised my eyebrows and just waited for him to go on.

"I don't want to. I don't mean to hurt her. I've done it before and....I know she has a hard time trusting me sometimes. She knows me all too well." He smiled to himself at the end of his sentence. But lost it once he went on. "This girl I'm with....she's not some random bird off the street. she means a great deal to someone I love. My wife thinks for once in our lives, things are just right where they need to be. She loves Julian and does all she can to keep us together. But...what the fuck is wrong with me?"

He rested his head on the white piano, crying to himself. I felt bad watching John this way. This whole situation was obviously tearing him apart. I haven't known him too long. But he seemed to be a man who knew right from wrong. But why was he doing all the wrong things and hurting his loved ones?

"John." I rested a hand on his shoulder. "If you really loved your wife, you wouldn't let this be happening."

"I do love my wife. More than anyone in this entire world. She knows me and accepts me. For some reason I feel the need to want more. To need more."

"Why don't you talk to Paul about all of this?"

He looked at me and took a breath. "I can't....it's..he's one of the people I'm hurting."

I just watched as he stood up and grabbed his coat.

"I need to go home."

"To your wife." I said. He nodded and wiped his eyes.

"She loves when I'm home early. I'm sorry we couldn't go on." He said. "That piano playing I mean."

"it's alright. I don't think I'm very good anyways." I smiled. He chuckled.

"I'll take you home yeah?"

"Thanks."

..

Emily was sitting at the small kitchen table in her underwear, reading and drinking tea. I laughed to myself and took my coat off.

"You call me the hippie when you're the one walking around the place in your underwear and bra."

"You do it too. It's not my fault you've got a bun in the oven." 

I sighed and sat down. "Oh!" 

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"The baby kicked."

"Let me see!" She squeaked, kneeling between my legs and lifting my shirt up to see my belly. She giggled when she saw movement. "She can hear us."

"If she can hear us, she sure as hell knows about all the drama going on in the group."

"There's drama in the group??" She asked. already meddling.

"Nothing for you to know about." I said reaching over for the box of cookies Em had.

"Marcus called. He's coming back in two days."

"I'm goin to miss you so much Emily. Three more months until I'm back home." I sighed. She pouted and leaned up, wrapping her arms around my neck, resting her head on my shoulder.

"I love you Sadie. I really wish you would think all of this over."

"I love you too Emily. I dunno. I was thinking of New York? Maybe Florida? Somewhere nobody will find me. Somewhere I can start new."

We were both silent until there was a knock on the door. She pulled away and kissed my cheek.

"I have a few friends to meet up with. Get it yeah?" She asked. I nodded and stood up, making my way to the front door as Em went upstairs to change. I paused to see Richard.

"Hi. Can I um, come in?"

I just nodded and moved aside. "Richard....what are you doing here?"

He sat down and looked around the room. "Nice place. I'm sorry I 'aven't come round..."

"Richard. Why are you here?" I asked. He looked at his hands.

"I want to say goodbye."

I blinked and sat beside him. "W..what?"

He looked at me. His big blues looking into my soul. "This can't go on anymore. Maureen's having another.. I need to be there for her. For my child..."

I bit my lip to hide the hurt that washed over me. My eyes wanting to tear up.

"And this child?" I asked. He shook his head.

"Here." He handed me an envelope. "There's enough to send you two away. Go start somewhere new and live happily. I just...this whole situation is already a mess and having you around is just a reminder of how much I've fucked up."

I just looked at him. The knife in my chest twisting in circles. The pain growing heavier the more I took all of this in.

"You think money can just fix things? You think just sending me away will make things better? Forgetting this baby...the moments we shared and the times we made love..."

"I only did all those things to keep you around Sadie. It's over with. No more fun and being reckless."

"You're a bastard Richard. You know that's all a sack of shit. You told me you loved me. Was that a lie??"

He just looked into my eyes and reluctantly nodded. "Yes."

I felt the tears running down my cheeks. My stomach turning. My head throbbing with his words.

"Goodbye Richard." I said sadly. He took a few seconds, just watching me breakdown. I could tell he wanted to admit everything he just said was a lie. That he did love me. He wanted to pull me into his arms, wipe my tears away and kiss me. Make a silly joke and make me laugh. Take me upstairs and make love to me. Hold me afterwards and just talk. But he didn't. He just stood up and made his way to the door. The sound of it opening and closing making me jump.

I grabbed one of the pillows and burst out crying. Hugging it and wishing I was anywhere but here. Martha jumped on the sofa and whined, nudging me with her nose. I looked at her and wrapped my arms around her neck. She stayed still as I cried into her fur.

"Sadie?? What's wrong?" Emily asked, sitting beside me. I sniffled.

"Let's go away Em. You, me and Martha. Take a vacation away from this place. Go to Miami or back home. Go to the beach and just get some sunshine. I need a bit of that right now."

Emily stroked the side of my face and kissed my cheek. "We should. And we will."

...........