The Night Before

Chapter 30.

I walked inside the warm building, resting a hand on my stomach. Richard followed me into the living room. I turned to him.

"Richard I...I don't understand what you're telling me. This is Paul's baby. We slept together after the concert. We met at a bar, spent some time together and...."

"And?" He crossed his arms. I just looked at him.

"I don't remember. After that..things are...blurred. I remember waking up early in the morning with Paul on top of me. I saw his face...it was definitly Paul." I blinked.

"You don't remember exactly who's hotel room you were in...do you?"

"I just told you I don't remember. Richard I...this isn't happening. It was only Paul.."

He sighed and sat down, patting the empty spot next to him. I sat, watching Martha nap by the tree.

"We had sex. That night. I dunno how else to put this but...you were so drunk you weren't even aware of who was shagging you. I was pissed out of my mind as well..."

"But....Paul. When did that happen??"

"Ye still slept with Paul. To be honest, he had his eye on you all night and when I was finished with you..."

"Finished with me?? Is that what you rock n roll people do?? You pass a girl around, fuck her and then send her on her way without so much of blurred memories of the night before??"

"It's not like that...."

"Then what!? My god Richard!" I stood up and looked out the window. My heart was beating rapidly. My breathing increasing the more information I took in. "Everything I thought....it was all a lie."

"I didn't use protection. I usually don't go out on my missus but....the others encouraged me since it was our last tour. I saw ye from a distance. Sittin on Paul's lap, laughing and having some drinks. When I came round to your table, ye were already pissed out of your mind. We had a small chat, flirted and even talked about coming up to my room. Paul left off out to have a chat with John. I took advantage and told him I would get you started for him. He agreed. So we went up and...."

"We had sex." I finished.

"By the time Paul came back up, I left you....the morning after I realised I didn't use protection. Paul did. He's always prepared."

I felt tears welling up in my eyes. "Is this why he told you before anyone else? He knew you were the one responsible. You let him take the blame and risk his own relationship so you wouldn't have to take care of me! All this time you were being nice and wanting to get close is because of what?? Guilt??"

"It's not like that Sadie."

"Then what!? Paint me a picture Richard! A clear picture so I can understand!"

He stood up and walked over to me. I stepped back until I bumped into the wall.

"I never meant to hurt you. When Paul told me he...he was angry. But he knew what this could do to my marriage. To the band. Our image. It couldn't be messed with. So he agreed to take care of the situation and let you stay here. I had to come over and see you."

"Without me knowing the truth. So you pretended to just be a friend I could confide in and trust. The whole time you knew. You saw how alone I was and how I felt. Now I understand why Paul was being distant. He knew this baby wasn't his. You all were lying to me. Paul had every right to reject me and make me feel unwanted. I'm not his burden."

"You're not a burden Sadie. When I saw ye again, you were so beautiful. You didn't remember me. I took that to my advantage and got to know you. You enjoyed my company and I enjoyed yours. Our endless hours of talking and making love..."

"It never should have happened."

He stayed silent. A hurt look in his eyes. I felt a  pain of regret for saying that.

"I felt guilty for lying to you. What I did to you was unfair."

"I should apologize to Paul for everything. I have nothing else to say to you Richard. Just...leave."

"Sadie..."

"Go."

He just swallowed the lump in his throat and looked at me. My eyes met his. He looked away and made his way to the sofa, grabbing his coat and putting it on.

"I wasn't lying when I told you I love you." He said, stopping at the front door. I looked down and felt the tears, falling down my cheeks. I sniffled.

"Jane knows doesn't she. That's why she has no problem with me staying here. George knows...."

"John doesn't."

"If I never found out...would you have told me the truth when I had the baby?" I asked. He looked at me and shrugged.

"I don't know."

I wiped my eyes and nodded. "Goodbye Richard."

"Saide..."

"Just leave me alone."

He turned and without another word, left out the door. I burst out crying, sinking down on the floor. My heart ached. I felt sick. Words couldn't describe the pain. I just sat and cried. Martha walking over and resting her head in my lap as she laid down. I sniffled and looked at her.

"I can't have this baby. I can't." I said shakily. "I'm so sorry." I rested a hand on my stomach.

............