Sinead's Point of View
It's only been a day and I miss you like you could never understand. I didn't have you for long, but it feels like I've had you for a lifetime. You left too soon. I don't think I can ever fully get over this. But how can I? How am I expected to? You were my daughter Katy, my little girl. And now... you're gone.
I just wish I could have done more. I should've been there when you left. But, I wasn't. You don't understand how upset I am over that. Daddy was there though, but mummy should have been there too. I'm so sorry.
Everyone is being really kind and helpful towards me. It's funny to think that everything changes when one person dies, or leaves. I broke down when I finally got to the hospital yesterday. Daddy met me in the waiting room, and whilst I was trying to get to you, he grabbed hold of me and told me the news.
All I wanted was to see you. See you before I knew it was too late. But it was too late. I had Lindsey let me see you even though I know you wouldn't respond or do anything. I just needed to see you. I still need to see you. I miss you.
I woke up to the sound of laughter this morning. Ste had Leah and Lucas over. Ste felt bad because of the laughter, he thought that I may like to rest. I didn't mind Leah laughing, it was sweet. It reminded me of you laughing Katy. I would do anything to hear that giggle again.
Freddie stayed with his brothers last night. He's having a hard time coping with you being gone too. All of us are. Me, Freddie, Diane, Finn, Ste, everyone. Me especially. They all keep telling me that it'll get better.
Those same people who told me nothing was wrong with you, and that I was doing it for attention. But I knew. I knew all along, and now those very same people are telling me how sorry they are. It's too late now. What can they do? Nothing. Nobody can.
"Sinead...." I turned around, it was Freddie. He was holding a bunch of flowers and a teddy bear. "Sinead, I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling right now. I know I'm sure as hell hurting, but you... you must be devastated, broken, I don't know. But, Darling, I'm here. And we will get through this together. I promise" He said as he got closer to me, and then pulling me into a hug.
I held him tight and just began to break down. He kissed my forehead and said "Now... I know this is going to be hard, but we have to go identify the body. Are you sure you're up to this? I can go with your mum if you don't think you can do this." he said.
I looked at him, and said "I want to go." That's all I said since I found out about the news. I got ready and had some breakfast. After Freddie and I ate, we went to go pick up my mum Diane. She's been crying all night I can tell. I just hugged her and tried to hold back my tears.. but it was no use, I started bawling.
We arrived at the hospital and Lindsey brought us back. "Okay, I know how hard this can be, but when ever you're ready, I'll pull back the sheet." She said. I grabbed my mums and Freddies hands and I nodded my head.
She slowly pulled back the sheet, and I saw Katy's face. I instantly broke down. I couldn't stand on my own and all the tears started to come out and I was screaming. Freddie and my mum tried to do their best to comfort me but they were crying too.
Katy was just laying there... cold, stiff.... lifeless. My baby girl. My little girl. There wasn't a thing I could do to make it any better.
We left the room where Katy was and we sat in the waiting room for Lindsey to finish all the paper work she had to give us. Freddie tried to talk to me to make me feel better, it was no use. I wasn't going to talk. I couldn't talk. You're dead.
My mum was crying almost as much as me. I think the combination of Katy being gone, and seeing me hurt so much all got to her. This isn't easy on us. I don't think it ever will be.
"Will you two please come by the flat tonight? Tony, Finn and I want to be with you and have a dinner, and talk about the funeral arrangements..." Diane said looking at Freddie. "Of course. We'll be there around 6." Freddie said grabbing her hand.
I didn't even acknowledge them. I saw Lindsey walk our way. She was handing Freddie all the forms and papers. "I want to see her again." I said. Lindsey grabbed my hand and said "My dear, that isn't possible right now." then pulling me into a hug. I couldn't handle it. I lfet my mum and Freddie to talk about everything.
I walked to the door that read "Family Room". I just stared in there. I used to have a family. The last time I saw you, we were in the family room. That's all been taken from me.
Freddie came up to me and said "Sinead, don't do this to yourself. Come on, lets go home. Take a bath before we go to your mums. Lets go sweetheart." I pushed him back. I didn't even make a sound. I wouldn't talk. I heard Ste's voice. I didn't even want to see my bestfriend. I just wanted Katy.
"Sinead, you can't do this. Your down and it isn't good for you. We can get you help if you need it." Ste said. Freddie pulled him aside and said "All she wants is to see Katy. She's been looking into there for close to an hour. Let's just take her home. Diane wants us to stop by later."
They managed to get me home, but I just flopped on the bed, lifeless.
I just want you Katy. You.
When Freddie and I got to my mums house, I didn't talk to anyone or look at them. I just sat on the couch. Diane came and sat next to me while the boys ran out to get food. "Sinead, I know how hard this must be. Actually, I don't but I know what it feels like to be a mother. and with that being said.. I thought you might like this" She said whilst handing me your stuffed animal monkey. I held it and cried.
You have been gone for a whole day and my heart has been ripped out of me.
