Freddie's Point of View
The news was so much too handle. For everyone.
Tony and I came back to Diane's flat with the food. Her and Sinead were on the couch. Diane was rubbing her back and Sinead was crying. I walk over and sat down next to her to see that she was holding Katy's favourite stuffed animal.
"Sinead, if you want we can go home. It's okay, we don't have to stay here if it's upsetting you. If you just need space, that's okay." I said to her. "There's no need, why don't you guys just stay? It's better for us all to grieve together." Diane said, I nodded.
We all made our ways to the table and sat down to eat. Dinner was everyones favorite Chinese food. Finn, Tony, Diane and I couldn't wait to dig right in. Sinead would usually be digging right in too, but she didn't touch a thing. She just sat there holding the monkey.
After we ate, we decided it was time to get back to reality, and start planing funeral arrangements. Diane, Tony, and I sat at the table and started discussion.
"The venue will be the Church, obviously, the reception after will be at the Hutch, and maybe we could get a bouquet of pink flowers arranged to spell out Katy?" Tony said. Diane and I nodded, we were in agreement. We all looked and turned to Sinead. She hasn't moved, she wasn't doing anything.
"What about her? She should be involved in this." I said. Diane looked at me "She isn't in the right state of mind to do anything of this sort right now. Katy was her daughter."
I started walking to Sinead and then said "you know what? Katy was my step daughter! You don't think that Im not hurting?! Well I am! I loved Katy!" Diane and Tony looked down. They knew I wouldn't blow up at them normally.
After we discussed more arrangements, I decided that it was best for Sinead and I to go back home. When we got home Sinead headed to bed whilst I stayed up a bit longer.
I woke up the next morning and Sinead wasn't in the house. I went out to look for her and Lindsey told me she saw her go into the hospital. I ran to the hospital and she was there staring into the family room.
"Mrs. Roscoe, are you okay?" Dr. Savage said to her. She didn't move. Didn't make a sound. Didn't dare to do anything but stare into what she wished she still had.
I approached them and Dr. Savage and I decided that she needed help. She was emitted into the mental ward. The doctors there said it was almost like PTSD..
I told Diane and Tony and Diane just cried. We weren't sure if she was going to be able to attend her own daughters funeral or not. Ste later heard about the news and got really angry that we were even considering still having the funeral with Sinead being in this state.
You've been gone two days now Katy, and it feels like a lifetime. Mummy can't handle it, I'm trying to cope, it's a struggle.
Ste and I visited every single day. Sinead hasn't moved or done anything but lay in silence. We would up date her on everything, tell her the details, hoping for some sort of response. Never did we get one.
Diane and Esther decided that it was about high time that they visited Sinead. Diane sat down next to her and told her that the funeral was tomorrow, and Esther told her that as soon as she got out of this place, that the two of them would go shopping.
Again, there was no response. Nothing.
The day of your funeral came fast. I found myself getting ready along side my brothers, mum, Lindsey, Kim, Diane, Tony, Finn, Ste, and Esther. It was awful, The room was filled with gloom, sadness, and a sort of guilt that we all shared because Sinead wasn't attending, She wasn't in the right mental state.
"Okay look, I'm going to collect her. This isn't right, okay?" Ste said as he headed out the door.
When he arrived at the hospital, there was sirens going off. Ste rushed to Sinead's room to realise that she wasn't in there.
He went out the door that was to the roof, and Sinead was standing at the edge of the roof.
"Sinead, please, don't do this. I know you're hurting, I do. I can't imagine what I'd do if I lost Leah or Lucas. But this isn't going to solve anything." Ste said.
"How do I make this pain go away? I just want it to go away." Sinead said.
"This won't make it go away. Look, we will talk about Katy everyday, and look at pictures, and remember her laugh and her smile. She lives in you, in your heart, doing this won't help. You got me, Freddie, your mum, Sinead please."
Sinead fell into Ste's arm and he brought her to Diane's flat to get ready.
Diane and Esther helped her to get ready and we headed out.
The duration of your wake, and funeral were grueling but we managed to somehow get through it.
Your mum made a speech and it moved us all to tears.
2 days you've been gone, We must move on, we're trying, we need time. We love you Katy. We really do. We wish it was just a goodnight.
But, this is a goodbye.
Goodbye Katy O'conner.
